Bye, bye ...

Tiger Tim ... it seems like our boy took one hell of a beating!!! Unless a miracle happened, poor ol' Tiger is getting mullard (is that how you spell it??). There's always next year!!!

I did a body combat class at the gym today, what's that all about.

I've just been sent a pic from the Southport Weekender site. It's me in my finest on the Saturday night. I thought I'd share it with you ...



I walked from London Bridge today, due to the Tube strike. There are some miserable bleeders about, blimey.

(Hang on, I've just seen some muppet praying whilst Tim serves to stay in the match ... I ask ya.]

Talking about miserable bleeders, I got some of that Kabbalah red string. To ward off the evil eye ... and be happy within myself. Let's see if it works ...

My tune of the day:Dreams - Lady Alma Project

Smile ... your on candid camera

I've just done a spin class followed by a fabulous abs and bums class. Sat down with a Mango frapuccino and watched some of the tennis. What's that all about eh????

To start with nearly four pounds for a glorified milk and ice drink. They do see us coming don't they. Luckily I didn't have to pay for it.

I'm trying to work out what I want to do with my hair. I'm between styles at the moment, a bit like Mr Williams.

So there's a tube strike tomorrow. You watch the one day that I'll take a stroll from London Bridge it will be pishing down. I can see it now, sodden before I get to the office. I could always use the DLR!!!!

Why are all the women tennis players 16 years old with legs longer than Miss Long Legs? It weren't like that in my day!!!

My tune of the day: So tired of waiting - Bah Samba

It's raining, it's pouring ...

Well not at the moment, but what a weekend. Talk about June showers ... !!!!

I played my first game of cricket yesterday. What a total waste of my time. We got absolutely hammered, I ache, and played like, well a bit like a muppet. But never mind eh.

I have been reading the Metro this morning, and saw they had a "Cupid Special" page. It is messages left my people for people they have met or want to meet. I couldn't stop chuckling really at some of them. An example:

"I met you over a year ago ..." er, get over it, move on.

"I have only seen you once and I've not been able to stop thinking about you ..." have I missed something 'ere, blimey.

Can someone explain what this is all about. Whatever happened to talking? Interacting? I give up, I really do. Do people actually date? I know someone has one, this friday ... she absolutely loves the guy, but he's not exactly aesthetically pleasing. Shallow .... not me.

The football is a bit boring now. You can have too much of a good thing. Oh I'm on a cricket tour this weekend. Cheltenham here I come.

Oh and I forgot to say, I'm wearing some new shoes


My tune of the day: One fing n annuver - Chas n Dave

Well that's that then ...

Poor old Venus ... cheated out of Wimbledon. Well I say cheated, but the old ump gave her opponent an extra point during a tie break, shame he couldn't referee the England game ...

There is me willowing in pity when Mr Williams comes on MSN Messenger. He then starts saying how England deserved to lose, and talking about how Campbells goals was rightly disallowed. Hol'on. England sure werent the best team I've ever see, but the goal was a goal, the ref bottled it. You would never see me bottling it ... I call it the way I see it, apart from if Everest is involved, then the red card comes out.

I'm actually pencilled in to play cricket this Sunday. And I've remembered I'm on tour next weekend. Blimey I ain't turned my arm over this year ... I'm gonnna hurt. I had better find my kit ... I'm unbelievable sometimes ... I can't remember who I am.

Bo Selecta is back on tonight ... now tell me that aint funny ... go on I dare ya ... CHAMON ... anf for Matt Queer eye for straight guy is on at 7:30.

I had the biggest salad ever for lunch. This was after an hour spin and half hour sit ups at the gym. Oh and I'm getting my hair cut tonight, but I'm insure to what style I should have ...

A gerham or a razil ... hmmm ... you decide ...

My tune of the day: I wanna be where you are - Jackson 5

IT'S COMING HOME ...

No not Wayne ... it'll be either Vanessa or Dan in this weeks eviction. I watched it last night and blimey, ol' Van is going para. Having a go at Jase, but I still think it's all a load of old bollies ...

The fixtures came out this morning. So August 14th sees us kick off the season away to Bolton. Whooopy Doo. It could always mean a weekend in Blackpool.

I did laugh this morning when I saw Tony Blackburn had been suspended for playing too much Cliff Richard on Classic Gold. Sir Cliff doesn't match with the brand values. Now come on ...

Right, I am actually going home early so I can watch the match ...

My tune of the day: Ere we go, ere we go - Matt Owen and the Unclean Generation

It's raining, it's pouring ...

It's the middle of June and it's raining. It's so depressing, I want a nice sunny day, skimpy dresses, la-las on tap, cold beer ... cricket. Is it too much to ask for?

Right, I've fully recovered from my frantic weekend. The old Rumble at the Pally, well I say rumble with my tongue firmly in my cheek. Poor old Audley, well I say poor but I doubt it. I had 8 hours kip last night after watching the Italians get shunted out. I didn't even dream I had been watching Americans do kinky stuff with their pets, thank god.

I had a call today from T Mobile offering me an upgrade. I ask you. They are taking the proverbial. I told them 4 months ago that I would not be renewing after 9 years, but still they offer me some hopeless deal. Yeah a new phone. I'm all phoned out. I want a phone that is the size of a postage stamp, gives me 100 hours free talk time, doesn't slip down the side of the setee ... and makes the coffee. Now I might have to ask Orange.

Honestly I need some advice on new phones!!! If anyone knows of a good one I should be using, drop me a line ... please.

I've just realised I need to go to Allied Carpets on Saturday morning. To choose a new carpet for the hall. Given that the last one was ruined by a flood from upstairs, maybe I should get a plastic one. Or a water slide ... now that would be good.

I'm out at my Salsa class tonight ... hey, they don't call me snake hips for nothing.

My tune of the day: Stupidisco - Junior Jack

Whooooooosh .......

Yes England won, but all the euphoria was ruined by that programme on Channel Four last night. All about shagging animals. Bleedin hell ... I thought Monty Python was bad !!!!

Oh and Tim just scrapped through ....

My tune of the day: Hell is round the corner - Tricky

England, my England ...

To quote William Ernest Henley, well ... I though it was Rooneys England. Let's watch the boy wonder go tonight ... should be fun.

I did in fact make my way to the Ally Pally on Saturday night to see Audley do his stuff. I would say that it was a tad disappointing, nine rounds of mediocre heavyweight boxing, but what do I know. The afterparty was good though, in fact I didn't get home til 9:30 Sunday night. Now that is funny.

I've just been reading the paper and see that the Intertoto cup has kicked off. Aberystwyth and Cork both played. Not sure what the point in it is, but hey.

I've also realised that I've been buying lots of stuff on ebay recently. I think it hit home when the miniture wind up robot arrived from Hong Kong. Why, I'm not sure? It must have been one of those moments ... well thats what I'm saying anyway. However I have had a few results. The black and pink Nike trackie, the Vintage Fred Perry blazer, a couple of classic wrestling teeshirts. I will be dapper this summer.

It's the longest day today, midsummers day. So get your pagan gear on and spread the word.

Matt Owens cleaner is on holiday for the next two weeks ... thanks for the email telling me Matt. Some people have too much spare time.

My tune of the day: Why I came to California - Leon Ware

Ere we go, ere er go ...

So we are going to conquer the world. We are going to murder the Croats, smash the Greeks, spit in the face of the Italians ...er, no maybe not.

I thought we were pony, but hey what do I know.

Well it all kicked off in the Big Brother house. Good job to. I'm sure I would have been kicked out within the first week. Oh how I wish .... ;)

It was said to me last night that thank god that all those Scousers had a shag 18-24 years ago. Well if you look at it he has a point. It was either hubcaps or shagging the missus. Even they got it right.

It's one of those days, when I aint really got a lot to say. I'm eating strawberries, so I will wish you a good weekend ...

My tune of the day: Tell me all about it - Natalie Cole

Tiny Knobs of Football Yobs ...

Was one of the headlines in the Sun today. Given that on the pitch Everest is the BIGGEST YOB ... has he got the smallest KNOB??? Answers on a postcard if you please.

So we are only a few hours from the England shirt being in the sale section of the sports shop. Blimey, they have to beat the Swiss. What with their army knives, cuckoo clocks and stuff. They even have Stephan Henchoz. I'm not sure if it has an "f" in it .. but hey.

I still can't get my head around Big Brother. Maybe thats the point. I even looked up the website today, but it was down. Maybe a mad rush ... but I doubt it.

It appears it all kicked off in there last night, they even had to call in security ... now thats got to be worth watching. Somehow though, I thinbk we are all being taken for a ride ... so shop a job, it's got to be Marco.

Don't you just hate calls from withheld numbers? What's that all about ... !!!

It's been said I moan to much ... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

My tune of the day: ICU - Ananda Project

Vote Victor ...

Go on you know you want to !!!!!

I still can't get over what I saw last night. Hot on the heels of Big Bros was a programme called Sex with Strangers. Bloody hell. They showed lesbo action and stuff. Quality viewing.

Oh, I've just realised I'm going to a Salsa class tonight. How did that happen? I think I need to get them there hips moving. It's at 6:45 ... pah. I'll have to do a spin class before.

More fighting in Portugal. Hmmmm ... now there's a surprise.

Blimey there's a 19 year old selling his virginity on Ebay. He's currently got a bid for over £6k, now come on Kev ... I'll split it with you, we can sell yours to an international market.

My tune of the day: Reach - Kenny Bobien

Big Brotha ...

I've just watched tonights episode. What the FCUK???

What is this programme about? How much would I just like to stick a hot poker up most of their arses? How can it be that Victor seems like the most sensible one on there? What the fcuk!!!!

My Book of the day: To have and have not - Ernest Hemmingway

Whoops there it is ... !!!

Sorry, I've just eaten a big bowl of strawberries and cream. I did say this morning that I would lay off the cream, but I couldn't resist. It's not big and it's not clever ... but it's so scrummmmmy .....

I went to the gym at lunch time. Maybe the hottest day of the year and I was Spinning for all I was worth. I don't usually sweat, I perspire ... but when I had finished it was like I had been swimming. I then followed that class up with the FAB class. (It's Fabulous Abs and Bums for all the uninitiated.) That's why I've just had the strawberries ... comfort.

I'm still reading of all the disturbances throughout England following that penalty. However I do think they were dancing on the streets of Raith!!!!

Just a quick point, does anyone know where my forum is? Since I set the new one up NO ONE has posted a thing. Blimey, come on people let me know what you think, OH MAYBE NOT.

I've just read about the Alexander Technique (AT) ... the secret to a great posture. Hmmmm ... maybe I should look into this.

My tune of the day: Flying High - Byron Stingley

Allez les bleus

As they say in Croydon ...

Well, I'm not sure I want to go into much detail, but what was that all about. Typically, people who don't give a 4X about football are crying this morning. SH*TE happens, and it wasn't Emile Heskys fault.

Strictly Come Dancing, poor old Claire Sweeney. There she was, shaking for all she was worth, and the public didn't like it. Never mind Claire ....

I think I may be going to see Audley this Saturday. At the Ally Pally, blimey North London sucks.

I've just realised it's mid June and I haven't played any Cricket yet. I need to get out in the fresh air and turn my arm over. Oh well ... the West Indies are over soon. I may get a call up.

Croatia v Switzerland, what was that all about???? It was like watching paint dry. The greatest sporting event in the world, yep .. that'll be it.

I actually put the hoover round this weekend. I rock, staying in to do some hoovering and ironing. At least my jeans have the creases in the right place now ... pick that one out the net.

My tune of the day: Love Is Gonna Save The Day - Georgie Porgie

** RIP **

I don't want to say much today even with France/ England on Sunday. Yesterday was a sad day with the loss of Ray Charles.

Rest in peace Ray.

Tune of the day: I can't stop loving you - Ray Charles

Vote, vote ... VOTE

Come on people, get out there and put your "X" in the box. You know it makes sense!!!

Oh and quote to beat all quotes from Palarses Any Johnson ... "We've answered a lot of answers today and this is the icing under the cake." Thanks Andy.

So sunday creeps ever so nearer, and the French must be quaking in those boots. Come on the roast beef ... lets stick it up 'em.

Strawberries and double cream ... a dream. Sod wimbledon tho', what's that all about??

Well the suns gone in today, and there's me in a linen shirt and straw hat. Oh very cuban ... in the rain.

My tune of the day: Back in the day - Frankie Knuckles

Three Lions on me eggs ...

Or not as the case may be. So the grumpy FA don't want to put the three lions on eggs for Euro 04. Bah humbug!!!

Why is it that when I wear flip-flops to work someone always treads on my feet. There was I, happily standing in the train aisle as we pull into New Cross. Whooosh as Mr Blobby stumbles in and right on my toes. Ouch ... !!! It never rains ...

So I hope you have all gone out and had your eyes tested ... NO, blimey. Oh and another thing, never go back to the bouncy castle, NEVER.

So we didn't get in the UEFA Cup. No back door entry 'ere. Oh well better luck next year ...

My tune of the day: Brotherly Love - Bobby & Steve

Too hot to handle ....

So there I am, reading th Sun on the way to work and Jennifer Ellison says she has had sex in the most outrageous of places. The kitchen and the bathroom. Blimey, hold on girl ... you may get to do it in the living room next. She then says she has a high sex drive, but is too scared to do it outdoors ... she's paranoid about CCTV cameras.

Whooooosh ...

So tonight is the UEFA fair play draw. Two places, twelve teams ... can't see it happening myself, but you have to hold onto thoses little bits of hope.

So the English footie team have landed in Portugal, with their hamper of rice pudding, malt loaf, salad cream and trampolines. TRAMPOLINES, blimey I can see Becks now. Maybe not.

What a day yesterday in the sun eh. The sun shone, the trains fcuked up, all da bigtatty gals were out and about. Heaven in the afternoon eh, quality.

How often do people get their eyes tested? I haven't for a couple of years now, so I may have to go and sort it. It's one of those things.

My tune of the day: Money don't mean a thing - Dwele

A quiet moment ...

In reality it can all get lost in the mundane lives we live. But the 60 year anniversary of the D-Day landings did bring it home a little bit. Shame on Prince Andrew who was golfing up at St Andrews. Whooooosh.

So Hells kitchen has finished, so the world can move onto Big Bro. Not for me, Victor what's that all about. Gods gift ... er, I think not.

Why do people go on funfair rides. Another one collapsed. Not a pretty sight. I think popcorn would be enough for me ... oh and some candy floss.

Did you know the most fuel efficient crusing speed for cars in 55mph. Blimey, if only eh. And don't run the rear window heater.

Am I the only one who thinks big up to Abi Titmus. Go on gal ... lesbian romp ... you have to laugh.

Oh and make sure you watch God is black tonight on 4.

My tune of the day: Hooked on you - Cerrone

Oh well

I changed the layout and lost all my links/ webcounter and message board. I'm trying to sort it, so bare with me ...

WHOOOOSH

Get ya tats out, get ya tats out ...

So topless sunbathing is going out of fashion. More women are choosing fashionable swimwear and good grooming over letting it all hang out. Hmmmm, and then a week or so ago we were all talking about obesity. Don't the two go hand in hand.

Oi Michelle McManus ... keep that top on, I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR SAGGY TATS!!!

I bought some new feathers last night, from John Lewis. Feathers being the new rosettes. I may be losing it!!!

Luckily I was out last night, so I missed Big Brother. Result eh. Kitten my ass.

I was quite nice weather wise yesterday, but it rained ooop North. They only had a few overs at Headingley. Shame eh, it's Euro 96 SOON ... England are gonna win, I can feel it in my water, or they may lose to German in the Semi, er ... on pens. I can feel it, or is that just my Joselyn Brown impression? Who nose? Pinochiot!!!

Drum and Bass, what's that all about? Answers on a postage stamp to Goldie. I'm sure she died in the nineties leaving Simon Groom mortified.

My tune of the day:It's yours - John Cutler

5,4,3,2 .... er ... 1

I nearly succumbed. I watched 5 minutes of Big Brother, before I switched off. What a load of rubbish!!!

However Ally Ross in the Sun today has a good point. Kitten, hmmm ... says she was a prostitute ten years ago. What during the great prostitute shortage of 94!!!! Oh how we laughed.

Richard Rufus has had to retire. That may mean jack to a few of you, but it's a sad day down my road. Richard was, WAS (now that is a bitch) quality. That header at Wembley, what a moment. He even got me some tickets at Tranmere and Bury. What a man ...good luck Rooooof.

Sven says that the players were too tired to beat Japan. Hmmm ... WTF!!!

Oh and go down Boots and get your eyes examined. Ten squids, is good value ... you heard it here first.

Strawberries and cream, my favourite ... get in there.

My tune of the day: Walking in a Rufus Wonderland - The Cupboard End Choir

Stop the train, I want to get off ...

I've spoken at length about my train rides to work. Yawning, rucksacks, broadsheet papers, but this morning really took the biscuit. A woman, wearing headphones singing. She wasn't singing at the top of her voice, she was just singing. She had her eyes closed, so she knew what she was doing. Everyone else looked around in an awkward silence. Ho hum ...

I've just watched Freddie v Jason. What was it all about?

So England drew with Japan, but everything is rosey for the Euro Championships. Yeah right. Poor old Sven, he could have been Chelsea manager this morning. Laugh, I nearly played for CIFC.

Another trip to the gym today me thinks. I'm still hurting from yesterday but no pain, no gain.

My tune of the day: Found Love - Blaze

One born every minute ...

What is it with people? Always interupting, interacting when it's not wanted!!! There I was on the downward slope of a 2 day bender, when the Everest thinks his funny and send's lots of pointless text's listing crap old English cricketers. The point being it's his money, waste away blonde bwoy, but I was on my last bar, on the phone. I turned it off, waited 10 minutes, back on but still they came. Although he lost it when he had to name Ian Botham twice. What you only know 20 cricketers Kev ... muppet????

A quality weekend. Drinking, dancing, all the usual stuff you expect from us 27 year olds. Good day in 93 feet east on Sunday. But boy did my feet hurt.

The Unity cup has been won by Nigeria. Can't be bothered going tomorrow now, I'll stay in and do some housework. I rock.

Just back from a fabulous abs and buttocks class at the gym, followed by a spin class. I had difficulty walking back to the office. Not a pretty sight.

Oh and I off loaded about 70 badges at the weekend. I rock.

My tune of the day: Paris-Brooklyn with los Amigos - Dimitri from Paris