FIVE PINTS OF GUINNESS AND A PACKET OF CRISPS ...

So I went out with Mr Owen, big Jesse to his chums and all his work crew. Well after a few drinks to loosen them up it turned out to be a pleasant evening. Pleasant being the most appropriate word. I actually bumped into a friend of mine who was working as a Guinness promo gal in Revolution. Thanks to the five free glasses of the crap stuff I is nursing a head this morning.

So we are a day away from the Thierry Henry show. Yes twinkle toes does like to play against Charlton, as his 8 previous goals show testament. I have seen every single one of them, so it would be nice if we could stop the bleeder from scoring.

I watched Animal Factory will Willem Dafoe on Wednesday. An interesting film, and one I would recommend. There you go ...

My tune of the day: Rock with you - Jazzy Jeff

Why, why, why?????????????

Why do people wear their mobile phones on their belts?

Why do people who chew gum make so much noise?

Why do people ride their bikes on the pavement?

Why do people who have never been to a football match in their lives always congratulate me when Charlton lose, but say jack shit when they win?

Why do blokes (mainly) drink lager?

Why is a BJ the most perfect end to an evening?

My tune of the day: Touch me in the morning - Marlena Shaw

Reality ... my arse !!!

Now does anyone actually watch reality TV shows any more. Yeah we all get carried along on the Big Brother bandwagon, the I'm a celebrity boob watch, but do you actually tune in, turn on and drop out???

Well I was flicking last night and came across that Back to Reality show on Channel Five. They were in the middle of booting out Catalina Guirado. Now I haven't the foggiest who she is, but she is billed as Glamour Girl. Yeah right, and I'm the King of bleedin Sweden ...

I just don't get it really, but saying that I do watch the Salon. I have a hair fetish, so what's a man too do.

The wonder that is Welling United won 6-1 last night against Dorchester minus Charlton old boy Matty Holmes. Now I had contemplated attending, but after the previous few games I had seen plus the fact that it had been pishing down all day, and was minus 10 degrees ... well made me stay in doors. I nearly choked on my Horlicks when the score appeared on Skys videprinter. Well they are up to 6th place so you never know ... well you do really.

I watched the Arse in Spain last night. They won, but did look a bit dodgey at the back. But I don't think they will be quaking in their boots when they realise that Charlton are rolling into town on Saturday. However Paulo is due one ... !!!!

I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but hey if you do let me know. My contact stuff is over there on the right hand side ... no, over there ... THERE.

My tune of the day: Sugar - Roy Ayres

Sexual Interest

Claire says: Do you have change for a £5 by any chance?

Ric says: Nope, but I do have a £1.

Claire says: May I borrow £1?

Ric says: £1 is available for you to borrow, at 50 percent interest each minute.

Claire says: YIKES!!!

Claire says: So how about we skip the interest and I provide sexual favours?

Ric says: The Bank of Riscardo is kind of a bitch.

Claire says: Yeah, no kidding.

Ric says: Let's see. . . £1, at 50 percent interest each minute . . . translating to sexual barter exhange . . . carry the one . . . round up to the nearest BJ. At the end of the day, you'd owe me two intercourses, three BJs and a hand job.

Claire says: I'm a cheap lay then.

Ric says: You have no idea.

Tune of the day: Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye

Smokey or streaky ... ???

So I hope you all had a great weekend. Nice and relaxing, you accomplished everything you needed to ... blah, blah, bleedin etc. Well mine was so, so ... but was saved from being down right suicidal by the enigma, the Danish salami ... the one ... Claus Jensen. Well you might know that Claus plays for Charlton and Denmark and on saturday was a substitute for the reds. Leading 2-0 with little over 15 minutes to play everything was looking rosey in the garden. Then our Bulgarian midfielder Kishishev went loopy and played in Andrew Cole for Blackburns get out of jail card. Then in the last minute, yes the last minute ... Blackburns goalkeeper Brad Friedl came galloping up for a corner. We can all see the script can't we. Yes the ball goes sailing over everyone's head ... it's collected by a Blackburn player crossed again and our man Brad sticks out his leg and the ball flies in. Now I ain't one to go on about it, but why the lino didn't have his flag in the air with Andrew Cole 3 yards off in front of Kiely ... well only the fairies know. Now at this point I was spitting feathers, the bloke over the isle from my slung his hat high up in the air, there were enough heads in hands to start a heads in hands shop. The Blackburn muppets thought they had done it ... they were all dancing around, congratulating each other, then up steps our Claus. Well good on ya son ... a drop of the shoulder and a dipping right foot volley. Whooooosh ... stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

It's a funny old game ... no it bleedin' well ain't.

There was crowd trouble at the Cray Wanderers/ AFC Sudbury match on Sat. It was the quarters of the FA Vase and 700 odd peeps turned up at Bromley to see it. You don't have to be a mind reader to work what would happen out ... but hey it's only non league and full of groundhoppers ...!!!!!

It's pay day on friday ... so,

My tune of the day: Finally - CeCe Penniston

Saturday, it's a saturday ...

Well actually it's Friday, but you get the picture. Bloody nightmare last night, the washing machine has sprung a leak and can I get to the taps at the back ... er, NO!!! It's gonna have to be a big job tonight, that's if the place don't flood before then.

Well it's another weekend, so another few days of missed opportunities. I should be painting, clearing out the conservatory ... spring cleaning, but I just get the idea that it aint gonna happen. Maybe I'm being defeatist ... but in reality I'm a realist.

I wore my pink shoes to work today. The look on the tube was amazing. Some people should take a look at themselves before passing judgment in their cutting looks, gazes. They should maybe get clothes that fit, that have something about them ... and maybe even get their one suit dry cleaned every now and again.

I'm actually gonna try the gym at lunch time today. A spin class!!! Now to me that's funny, but I say that before I get there, I may be shaking my head later.

Now here's a question for thee ... why do people drink lager? It tastes of pish, makes you put on weight and gives you a bear gut. But then again it might mean Batnie gets a shag!!! There you go, I've answered my own question.

My tune of the day: Thank you - BeBe Winan

London Bridge is falling down ...

Now, I think of myself as the most open minded person I know, but there are some right muppets out there. Trawling through some interesting blog sites ... diamond geezer for example, I came across this. North West devolution. North West Devolution. They have designed a flag, an actual play on the Cross of St. George, and advocate that businesses promote this. Of course it is backed by one Tony Wilson. Yes that Tony Wilson, who ran that crap nightclub the Hacienda ... come on it was crap, you know it ... I know it ... we all know it. Now I remember Warehouse Parties in London in the mid to late 80's and early 90's and they rocked. We don't keep banging on about them though, we actually move on.

I have been arguing the case for London for more years than I care to remember. I am proud to say that I was born in London, live in London and will stay in London. I also support a team from London, a real team. In fact before Red Ken got in as Mayor I believe that we need to build a wall around the M25 and keep the fuckers out. How many nights have I been out and met people who then tell me how great Ireland is, Liverpool is, Cornwall is. Well fuck my old boots, how great can these places be if you are living and working in London. Oh that's where you can make the money they say, I only want to spend a few years in London then settle down back home. Back home ... what is this the 1970's World Cup ... fuck off.

Kevin Everest the Charlton supporting gay thespian has indicated that I am copying his daily rants from the CIFC email list. He says that he has been doing this sort of thing for 3-4 years. I say to you Mr Everest ... the fifth best ride in Malmo my arse. Stick your moon rocks where the sun don't shine and as for that stripy jumper ... you make Bernie Rozzle look like Alexander McQueen.

My tune of the day: Home is where the hatred is - Gil Scott Heron

Happy Anniversary

Well it past me by yesterday. The congestion charge was one year old, and indeed one year wiser. I would say that as I don't drive into Central London on a daily basis it doesn't really affect me. However after reading the papers last night, and watching the London news there are lots of people who it does affect. For example all those poor sods who used to drive into London to do their shopping. Hmmmm. I for one don't know of a single person who drives to Oxford Street to do their shopping. Well not on a week day anyway. It's only a fiver tho' ... so what's the big deal.

It was the Brits last night. Great eh. Timberlake, Busted ... Dildo. Blimey, just think if I was a teenager now ... Rock n'Roll they say. Bollox.

I watched the second part of Sea of Souls last night. I caught the first part on Monday night by accident and it was quite riveting setting up it's conclusion. So I settled down under the quilt and soon realised that the writer had a good idea but in all honesty wasn't a great writer. It was crap. It ended without any explanation, tying up loose ends etc. A complete waste of an hour.

I booked my Sunday night accommodation up in Southport for the weekender this morning. A great deal, which means the fun doesn't finish when the majority go home.

My tune of the day: It's getting late - Floetry

Do fries go with that shake

I had a P-Funk night yesterday, a Parliament Concert on DVD from the mid 70's. Now let me tell you that you know squat diddly if you don't know Parliament. George Clinton was the man, alongside Bootsys Rubber Band and Roger Troutman.

The invisible man returns tonight. Yes Gary Rowett ... who he?? ... is back in the ressies. He last appeared in red back in Sept, but I won't be holding my breathe.

The boss came back from his Valentine trip to New York today. Luckily he was able to find a pair of Red Wings in my size. It's so good when the pound is so strong, cause you can get some good stuff. That's another pair of boots to add to the collection!!! I will have to stop buying clothes, otherwise I'm gonna open up my own Frith Store. Now there's an idea.

I just read in the Metro that N*E*R*D are appearing at Hammersmith tonight. I hadn't seen that advertised. Oh well missed another one ... you have to laugh though, I think the last live gig I saw was Pieces of a Dream in 85. No that can't be right, but I can't be bothered to rack my brains.

My tune of the day: Ordinary Joe - Terry Callier

After the lord mayors show

Well there goes another weekend. There's only so much vodka tonic one man can drink, but I tried my best. Saturday night did turn into a few too many, but hey it was all done in the best possible taste.

I received a Valentines Card. Whoopy doo I hear you all cry. It was posted through my door, so that cuts down the possibilities. I know who sent it, but I am still struggling with the cryptic sign off. I could just ask but that would be against the nature of the whole experience.

I watched the Arse/ Chels match on Sunday. I would say it was nice to watch a game from the safety of the duvet and not really give a damn. I did laugh though when Spotty ballooned the ball over the bar in the 90th minute and the Arse sang "What a waste of money." You never know, they might be right.

I'm still coming to terms with my new 3G mobile. It's not the best, but it's cheap. The vid conferencing facility is weird, it's like watching one of those 70's kung fu flicks when the mouth and words are out of synch. But hey, did I say it was cheap!!!

My tune of the day: Impossible beauty - Nathan Haines

It's all in a name ...

It's Valentines day tomorrow, and I'm sure my postman won't need an extra pair of hands. Not that I'm bitter and twisted, it's just that I'm fussy. Damn fussy.

I've just been watching Trisha ... my god, these people have the vote.

On a separate point, I'm reading the paper and some 31 year old American had been "grooming" a 12 year old girl for over a year. He then jetted to the UK and took her to France and Germany. Well I say what the hell were her parents doing???? Strange.

Robbie Williams is 30 today, and they are calling him middle aged. Bloody hell I'd better get out my pipe and slippers.

There's no football tomorrow, we got knocked out of the cup. Remember Gillingham!!!! Well Spotty never played in that game so he can play for the Chelsea at Arse. That's all good then. Well I say come on Patrick, give the muppet a kick.

My tune of the day: Mind Power - James Brown

You put your left leg in ... left leg out

But if you think I'm gonna shake it all about, well you are much mistaken!!!!

It was one of those evenings. The football turned into a nightmare, I suddenly started receiving text messages off of Spud fans I hadn't heard from in years. Then I had to write out a cheque for 50 quid for a parking ticket that I shouldn't have got. Thanks to a Lewisham Council Parking Attendant for falsifying a ticket and putting it onto my car even though it was in a completely different location on the day/ time in question. It's total bollocks, because it's my word against them. Unbelievable!!!

Anyway ... the football. A total non event, apart from the fact that Defoe scored another goal against us. Unbelievable!!!

I saw Matt Owens new coat last night. Well I also saw Matt Owen, but he was wearing his coat. As long as he's happy with it, I'm happy with it ... but I'm not sure what Batnie Prosley would say???

I really need to tidy up my flat. The place is a tip. But then again it's homely, cosey ... NO, who am I kidding.

My tune of the day: Champions league ... your having a laugh!!! - The Spuds supporters

Atkins, shmatkins ...

So now they are saying that the good Doctor was obese when he passed away. Blimey, they should have seen some of the peeps on my train this morning. I think you should pay by weight on public transport.

Well it's footie again tonight, a home match against Tottingham (to Quote Ossie). It doesn't bode well I tell thee. But then again what do I know.

I've got those Wed afternoon feelings. You know a tad bored, looking forward to the weekend but not too much. I don't wanna wish my life away.

Oh, I had a caller at 2:30 this morning. A young lady called to say sorry. All very sureal I tell ya, but hey it's the life I live!!!!

My tune of the day: That's how much I love you - Ambosia

Lord Mayor of London

Right, so Red Ken has come out and said that he's gonna arrest people who jump the queues at bus stops and spit in the street. Has he been leaked my manifesto, has he ... has he. LOL. Oh I have been told to stop using that as it's a bit trailer park - ish.

Now come on, how many people have waited for a bus, waited for a bus ... then waited for a bus, only to be pushed out the way by an unruly mob when it does arrive. And then be squashed on by the doors or even refused admission because it is packed. How many people have had other people spit to the ground as you walk by, or side by side wit them. It's not big and it's not clever.

Well, this lunchtime I was waiting for the 25 bus at Aldgate. I was hoping to make a quick trip up to Chancery Lane to get myself a badge maker (but that's another story). As I stood waiting, then waiting some more I watched as a group of three Turkish guys smoked and spat on the floor. Not that I'm counting, but in the space of 20 minutes, yes I waited 20 minutes for the freeking bus, they must have spat about 75 times. I kid you not. After the 36th time it was getting a bit near the mark. In fact it was a horrible site, and why they can't carry a hankerchief around with them, maybe storing it up one sleeve, I will never know.

When the bus did come there was a scrum ... it was quite comical really. But hey.

I was in the gym at 7:30 this morning. It is quite invigorating working it that early. I did some cycling and used the stepmaster. Now this was the first time I have stepped in my life ... I'm not too sure what it achieves but it must!!!!

My tune of the day: 2000 Black - Fela Kuti

A long and winding road ...

Well thank the lord I didn't go to Stamford Hill, er I mean Bridge on Sunday. I would have to say it looked as lackluster as anything I have seen from the Yellows in a long time. I would say that at no point does an away team come to the Valley and not have a shot. Even Wolves who I thought were hopeless had a few chances. But it's okay for Charlton to go and run round aimlessly without doing the basics. Oh well ... there goes another season.

I had a nice day down at my Mums on Saturday. Lazed around, cleaned a few windows, had a nice bit of Salmon for my lunch. All the things you should do with your Mum. Even sat there and watched men watching football on sky. My Mum read the last couple of chapters of Brick Lane, then exclaimed that it was the most boring book she had read in years. Hmmm ... what do I know.

Well I thought I'd send a shout out to Kerry and Maz up in Carlisle.

We had a drunken chat on Friday night, well they were drunk and I chatted. They were having a house warming, but they were the only two there ... very strange.

I got back in time to go down the North Pole on Saturday. It was all full of blokes. Very strange indeed, so we headed off to Oliver's Wine Bar in Greenwich. Now that was a good night, wasn't it Glen!!!!

I am contemplating going to the gym tonight, but then again I may go tomorrow ... lol.

My tune of the day: Music 2 Fly 2 - Ty

Donald where's ya trousers

I got up at a civil time this morning, chilled on the sofa, watched a bit of the Salon, had a coffee and rolled with the 8:42 from Hither Green. Now it must all be about timing ... because there was a complete lack of yawning on that train. So I would like to report that no one showed me their breakfast today .. hip hip hooray.

I still can't get my head around that Celebrity programme on ITV. It seems very weird, and all the papers are full of it ... there must be something happening in the world, there must be.

So Charlton have got Chelsea this Sunday. Live on Sky ... that's saved me £31. I had considered it, for about a nano second ... before I was slapped down with a piece of wet fish. Why would I pay Chels that sort of money to be patronised by loads of mupps from Reading .. ??? Why, yes why???

It would appear that they arent gonna parade Parker on the pitch. Seems like a bit of common sense has prevailed although if I was Kenneth Bates I would be parading him around the pitch on horseback ... oh well.

Another weekend, so no painting for me. I will have to get it sorted, but it can wait. I'm taking a trip down to the South Coast on Sat to see my Mum. It has to be done, as she's off to Cyprus for 3 weeks in a couple of days.

My tune of the day: Right by your side - Nathan Haines

Wiggle it ... just a lil' bit

Up at 6 this morning to get down the gym. I had it in my mind that I would do the body pump class at 7:30. Having stuck my head round the door, I saw a room full of lycra clad weightwatchers just about to pump there bodies. The thought of bringing up the rear didn't fill me ... so I did a 20 minute run and some chest exercises. That's more like it ...

There were 3 open mouthed yawns this morning on the 654 from Hither Green. I seem to be looking for people to do it now, I think I've become very judgmental ... not at all like me!!!

Well I'm seeing a mortgage consultant tonight. My 2 year discount with Abbey is up at the end of the month, so I have to get in there quick. Lets see if I can save myself a couple of quid.

I have to admit I sat down to watch the Spurs v missives match last night and turned it off at half time. I was ironing when Spurs went 3-0 up, so I slung on Jackass the Movie and missed the comeback. Jackass, I would say what's that all about ... Although I did laugh when the guy went in the hardware store and shit in the free standing toilet.

I've started to get myself a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks most mornings. £2.40 for a coffee, you have to laugh really. I'll have to rebrand myself Kevin Everest.

My tune of the day: All about the papers - The Dells

Shut your mouth ...

They were at it again this morning. Twice on the 0842 from Hither Green business suited women yawned great big horrible mouth open so wide I could see you had porridge for breakfast, yawns. Why do they do it? Do they not have manners, breathing their stinky breath all over me. Hmmmm ... it's the state of the world we live in.

I got my new phone this morning. One of those 3G Motorola jobbies. It's a bit big, but bleedin hell it does everything. Video, camera, mp3, email ... a quality business tool. I could even use it to crack a few heads if the necessity occurred. And all for £17.50 a month ... with 750 minutes free. Phew.

It's been quiet in the office today, apart from the sound of the Southport weekender CD blaring out. The Giles Peterson mix is spot on ... I had forgotten how much I actually like jazz. Rock on.

Well I've got an ironing session ahead of me tonight. I have done about 4 loads of washing and no ironing. So I'll put Jackass the movie on and get stuck in. You do realise that this is quality time :)

Tune of the day: Welcome to the Party - The Harlem Youth Percussion Group

The land that time forgot ...

How busy have I been. Blimey, I haven't had time to relax, so hence no update since Friday. Apologies to all the readers, lol ... yeah right.

Anyway, a defeat to Bolton, no significant signing on deadline day ... things are looking up for the boys from SEA. I sat there in the Upper North on Saturday thinking "What the f*%k!!" It nearly ruined my whole weekend ... I say nearly, but not quite.

It was pay day over the weekend, so Friday, Saturday and all day Sunday saw lots of drinks consumed. Only V&T's though, it's Atkins friendly ... That's what I say anyway. Spent most of Sunday in a bar on the South Hackney/ Vicky Park boarders. It was good to meet up with people, it was funny watching both the Chelsea and Arsenal games as the collective was made up of Chelsea, Arse, Charlton, West Ham, Leeds, Hearts, Bognor Regis Town. I'm sure there were some weird shots being past around, and a curry was consumed at 1:30 on Monday morning ... well I can still hang I tell thee.

Now about that "Celebrity" programme. I'm not sure what it's all about, and in reality have no wish to know ... but I caught it last night, and I must say what utter shite. I have to agree with Johnny ... Jordan can do one. She seems to have won some sort of sympathy vote. She is being hailed as some sort of woman's libber for making her men wait a month before sleeping with them. Yeah but how long does she wait to shag 'em.

My tune of the day: I want you - Curtis Hairston