Before it passes me by, this was the sign I saw in Greenwich on Sunday. It was in a shop window. Ten grand for the return of a dog called Natasha!!!! Now that gives me a few ideas.

Yeah right, after all these years they say that Nessie was an elephant swimming in the lock. Surely they would have seen it go in and come out?

My latest ebay purchase turned up yesterday. The fluorescent Barcelona away top for a tenner from Bangkok. I will be wearing it tonight as I sit down to see Chelsea get blown out the water. It's going to be Messi.

Another mediocre midfielder is on his way out. Alexi Smertin is going back home. Bye bye Smerts. Oh and Welling are away at Farnborough this evening. Good luck to them I say.

My tune of the day: Till You Take My Love - Harvey Mason