Find a friend for the weekend ...

Another bank holiday. No football, cricket, or sunshine. So it looks like a pished weekend.

The Carlisle posse, well one of them has her eyes on a 22 year old. The South Hackney posse, well one of them has her eye's on a cheese maker from Liverpool.

What's the world coming to?

Tim has his eye's on Mush's bird ... whooooosh!!!!!

My tune of the day: Weekend - Class Action

Killed Bill ... volume two

So I went to see Volume two last night. Over at Greenwich film works. Me and a bag of McE-Dees. A strange carry on. It doesn't really fit with the pace of the first film. Yes, there is more dialect, more character interaction, but it just didn't fit. The continuity died. No pussy wagon, to quote "It died on me". That's rubbish. There' sgonna be a Volume 3 but in about 15 years, don't watch this space.

The papers are full of obesity warnings ... ah toooooo late. They want to get my train in the morning.

Oh, I've been invited to dinner with Princess Michael of Kent. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

And some muppet in the metro says that he is astounded by the amount of people in London, who put down their own city. Er, thats because they are in fact NOT from London. London is without doubt the best, quote me BEST goddam city in the world.

My tune of the day: Making love - Ron Trent

I'm really a "Nice Guy"

Thanks for that Dave ...!!!

I had one of those journeys to work. Some bloke wanted to wear his rucksack on his back, on a packed train. He then decided he wanted to turn every 2 minutes, so sent 10 people flying. Another idiot then wanted to yawn every 30 seconds. You get the picture, a dirty garlic yawn, no hand over the mouth. Then some bloke wanted to walk down the platform reading his book. What's that all about? I don't get it really ...

It's the champions league final tonight. When Jorge goes up to lift the Euro Cup ... we'll be there !!!!

Oh and Big Brother starts this Friday. I hate BB, but you know at some point I'll end up watching it ... I can't wait.

I'm just reading the front of the Metro about the artwork that was lost in the fire somewhere in London. There's a pic of Tracey Emin's tent emblazoned with the name of everyone she has had sex with. Hmmmm, it made me think. If Kevin Everest did one, would it just say "Myself" ?????

My tune of the day: We've Only Just Begun - The Monty Alexander Trio

Jellied Eels v Barm cakes ...

I would have to say that I do watch the soaps. I'm not a great lover of them, but just have them on whilst I do my stuff. Whilst Eastenders goes from bad to worst, Corrie just hits the light fantistico. If you say last nights episope you will know what I mean. Maybe the best bit of TV this year. There we have Gail and Eileen street fighting over Todds gayness, the boys brother turns up in checked shirt and hard hat. Bang on cue Gail pipes up ...

"Oh here come the rest of the Village People."

For that split second time stood still. A very clever piece of writing and executed spot on. You had to see it to appreciate that I mean, but hey ho.

Curbs is a scouser ... watch this space.

I got some serious sleep last night, about 10 hours in all. I was feeling my full 27 years I can tell you. Another bank holiday approaches, more party nights me thinks. Specially if Palace get thumped.

It's the Chelsea flower show this week. There are a few programmes on tonight that I might catch. Diarmuid's Big Adventure can't be missed.

I still haven't seen Kill Bill Volume 2. There is never enough time to do all my sh'te.

Oh and Billie Pipper is Dr Whos new assistant .... don't make me laugh.

My tune of the day: Let's Get Happy - Mass Order

Umph ... there it is !!!!

So we conquered Blackpool, and didn't have to sit on a minibus for 6 hours. The flight is just so good, 25 minutes in the air. We were sitting tucking into breakfast at 9 on saturday morning whilst the two buses crawled up the M6. I knew where I wanted to be.

We even made young James take a 10 minute oxygen course. Now there is a oppening in the market here ... watch this space!!!

So the Wall took a tonking, and I didn't have to watch any of it. Old man Wise was up to his usual tricks, the pinching the skin under your arms etc, etc. Quality eh Dennis.

There's also a piece in the Mirror today about how grim the South is ... yeah bollcocks.

My tune of the day: I say a little prayer - Aretha Franklin

Oh I do like to be beside the sea side ...

Blackpool rocks ...!!!

So they interviewed Audley Harrison regarding Millwalls match tomorrow. I'm not sure why, he's a West London bwoy so would be more of an R, but hey. Anyway back to Audley, who said with a glint in his eye ...

"It's like a cup final for Millwall ..."

WHOOOOOOSH.

I'm going to do a Spin class today after missing my Thursday at the gym yesterday. It's great at lunchtime ... some nice bottoms and stuff. I'm going to have to work out a programme though. I need something to achieve ... or maybe I'm talking bollies.

So Becks is staying in Spain, his Mrs is on her way. Curbs is off to Scouseland, Paulo has been shown the door, and boxes are for shoes. Anyone want to be Ian Huntleys minder ... ??? Thought NOT!!!

It was a bit strange yesterday when the talk in the office was of Joey Deacon. Now I'm sure some of you remember and some don't. Anyway the bosses didn't so we had to explain to them what all the fuss was about. It all stems from Ernie who used to understand what Joey said, and from this came his book ...

Have you seen that pic in the sun of the girl Lordan with the blokes sucking their fingers ... quality. That's my job in Blackpool this weekend, to get as many of those shots as poss. I'll see if I can post them ere next week ... BE GOOD

My tune of the day: Open Up - Free Radicals

Queer Eye for the straight guy .... ??

What's that all about? Surely washing, moisturising, looking good is a personal choice not a sexual need. If you want to use Wrights Coal Tar soap, so be it. Who am I to tell you otherwise. But it does make me laugh.

So the FA Cup final creeps up on us, and I actually wonder if anyone cares!! Do you remember growing up, when the FA Cup final would have beenone of the only live matches on TV. Given that they also showed FA Cup It's a Knock out, Matstermind and Alf Garnett, we were in for a treat. As a kid you would look forward to this match on a summers day, reds against yellows. But now who actually cares? I'll be in Blackpool 'avin it, so not me.

It's also nearly June, half way through the year ... now that is scary. They could make a bleedin movie about it, or even about Kevin Everests sexual fantasies. I got a text from Kev at 1:27 this morning, but given that he is in Sweden it could be any time. It said ... and I quote:

"I am surrounded by very hot swedish girls, I wish life was fair but it isn't try and deal with that"

Hmm, thanks Kev. Now if you had seen some of these Swedish very hot gals he hangs round with, you would know what the Rock is cooking.

My tune of the day: It's yours - John Cutler

It's raining, it's pouring ...

Well there you go. Last night around 11ish the heavens opened. Unfortunately I was inside at the time and the downpour was coming from the ceiling and through the walls. Given that the upstairs property is empty, "Houston we have a problem". Thames Water were useless, my Home Emergency Insurance didn't really help much. So after 45 minutes of watching my hall way fill up I had to take action. Armed with a wrench I got to the Thames Water stop cock in Hither Green Lane and turned all the water off. Oh how we laughed. NOT. Now I have to deal with all the insurance companies, red tape, managing agents. Would you credit it.

So it's West Sham against the Nigels in Cardiff next Saturday. Talk about another match that I won't bother taking in. Luckily there are loads of things for me to do. Like watch some paint dry .... :)

I've just been looking at the Sun. The newspaper thang not the red ball in the sky. What's that Elaine Lordan all about? I'm sure Kev said she was his ideal bird ... I'm sure he did.

So are you all going to see that new film Song 9 ... ???? Yea right.

My tune of the day: Kiss, kiss, kiss - Ananda Project

Those bleedin' Nigels ...

So there we have it Crystal Palarse are in the play off final. Great!!! Sunderland threw it away, they had the cat in the bag. Oh well, bang goes another night out ooop North. Put it this way, I knew PalARSE where gonna win it when the commentator mentioned that Sunderland had only previously lost one penalty shoot out, and we know when that was.

So P****R didn't make it into Svens squad. He's made the backup party tho'. Laugh, I nearly lost control of my bowels.

I received a £20 HMV voucher this morning. It was for an on-line questionaire I had filled out regarding the Metro newspaper. Great stuff eh, it took me 10 mins to fill out and I get £20. Now what CD do I want to buy ... oh decisions, decisions.

It's back up to Blackpool this Saturday on Giles stag doo. He did mention that we had access to Heaven and Hell. I would say that that is more like Hell in Blackpool. Apart from that it should be interesting.

I got my badges this morning. 150 of them. Keep your eyes peeled.

My tune of the day: Juicy Fruit - MTUME

We won a match, we won a match, eee iiii adio ...

Yes, we've only waited 20 years, but by gawd they finally gone and done it. Poor old Southampton, where like lambs to the slaughter. Er, really ... NOT.

ADDED TO THE FACT THAT MY KITCHEN WAS FINISHED OFF AND THE WARDROBES WHERE ACTUALLY BUILT THIS HAS BEEN A VERY GOOD WEEKEND. (I'll shout that again shall I ..!!!!)

The kitchen is looking good. Matching worktop and splashback, sharp edges and a clean oven. I think I may cook myself something fancy tonight, like Steak Diane, or Beef Wellington.

The wardrobes are huge. I'm thinking I might be able to get all me old stuff in there, but in reality that ain't gonna be the case. I need to go to IKEA and get some plastic basket thangs for me socks, because I didn't get any draws. Do I buy a draw unit or what, let me know what you think :)

The sun is shinning today, horray. I can eat my strawberries and cream with a smile on my face. Although I've just seen a giant cloud on the horizon. Everest must be on his way back to blighty.

Hello, to all the new people reading this .... whooooosh indeed.

My tune of the day: Oye Como Va - Santana

What is it ...

With blokes that don't wash their hands after they have had a pish ... ??????? Unbelievable !!!

My tune of the day: All I wanna give you - Shazz

In the Wonderland Zoo ...

Is it me or does the Maxine Carr paper stealing episode not quite ring true ...?? What are the chances of her release details etc, etc being in the back of a car. Exactly!!!!

I was reading through the Metro this morning and two things stood out. An ad telling us all about Improvements to the West Coast Railway, or to be exact details of weekend engineering works, great eh, and then details of how Gary Lucy bought the wrong item at an auction. He bought some rugs instead of an old Paul Weller guitar. That's definately a head shaker.

So lets put our hands up if we use skin moisturiser ... ??? Bernie???? Williams??? No thought not ...

So what has Jimmy Hill gone and done. Well he's only come out in support of Big Ronald. To quote our Jimmy, he says "In that context, you wouldn't think that words like n*gg*r were particularly insulting: it would be funny. Without meaning to insult any black men, it's us having fun. What about people who make jokes about my long chin? I mean, n*gg*r is black - so we have jokes where we call them niggers because they're black. Why should that be any more of an offence than someone calling me chinny? "

Yes indeed ... read it and weep. What's the world coming to eh???? Oh and I'll get me coat ...

Tune of the day: Teacher don't teach me no sense - Fela Kuti

*S*uper *H*ero *I*n *T*raining

You know, reality bites!!! Or it should do. Some people indeed live in cloud cuckoo land, but that's up to them. The train turned up this morning, packed. When I say packed, I mean PACKED. I squeezed on, put on my headphones and then had some lardy geezer try and push his way on. As he did he was shouting "move down, move down ..." Some people eh, go on a diet you muppet.

So the weekend is now a distant memory, so what next to look forward to? A night out in Greenwich on Saturday?? The following weekend in Blackpool, the bank holiday??? It's not all bad is it.

So what's the deal with on-line dating. Do people not have interpersonal skills anymore. You know, initial eye contact, a smile ... a flirt, can I get the number. No sod that, let me get my old bill out on a webcam .... come on, play the game.

Poor old Ray Parlour. He's being taken to the cleaners by his missus. Laugh, I nearly choked on my French toast.

Oh, and Bjorn again are apearing before the match on Saturday. So we'll be in the pub right up to kick off. ABBA SCHMABBA.

My tune of the day: Living in Ecstacy - Fonda Rae

Wake up and smell da cwoffffeeee ...

Blimey people ... a week off and your sorry excuses for lives a just that little bit sadder.

I've just completed a 5 day binge. Blackpool, Southport ... it's all good. I'm trying to get some pics, but then again why should I show you ... !!!!

I'm sitting here with a great big smile on my face ... there are some top people out there, and they have open minds ... you hear me Kev ...

Respect out to all those in the know, including the Carlisle posse, the Grimsby Gals, you all rock.

I would like to thank myself for being great, coming up with the rosette idea, having style, grace ... a sense of purpose, being great ...

I've also been told I talk to much about Charlton on here ... you have to laugh tho', they aren't worth talking about at the moment ... so I'll file that one.

My tune of the day - Strings of Life - Soul Central (Danny Kravit mix)

In out, in out ... shake it all about

So who was the last player to leave the supporters doo Sunday night. Can you guess? Go on ... go on ...???

Well I may tell ya tomorrow, after you have had a few guesses. It was good to see Smudge cutting some shapes on the dance floor. It's a shame his wonky arm meant he couldn't do the worm across the dance floor. Oh well.

I actually won a signed Charlton shirt in the raffle. It has Glynne Snodin on it, but no Paulo. Oh well. That's the first thing I've won in years, if you take out the dancing contest back in Liverpool in 2002. That ones for you Mr Chick.

I had a mad one at the weekend. Went straight from footie to Ministry, then onto a boat party then straight onto the CAFC doo. By that stage I was fnuked. Big up to the usual crowd. It was a good doo.

It's rained cats and dawgs today. What's that all about.

My tune of the day: Make my dreams a reality - Steely Dan