Idiots ...

So I go to get my travel money. It was booked on Friday through Lloyds TSB - Travel Money. It's part of the account I have, 15 notes a month for the AA/ Travel Insurance/ Card Protection/ travel money. Anyway, they don't have the money. The money has left my account, but it's not in the Whitechapel branch. The teller looks at me like I'm an idiot. Well can I have my money back? NO!!!! CAN YOU RING THE TRAVEL MONEY HOTLINE AND SEE WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON .... NO!!!!! They are proper crap.

So I phone them myself. It's the Royal Mails fault!!!!!!!! They haven't delivered it. I ask you. Royal Mail. So there's me 200 notes down, no Euros and they are blaming the Royal Mail.

So what to do. Well get some money changed at the airport and they will reimburse the commission. Is that a definate I ask? Of course they reply!!!! I shake my head. So when I return, my 200 notes will be nestling in my bank account, and I can send them the commission receipt and they will pay it. I say, watch this space.

Lloyds f'n Bank, can kiss my ass.

There was a fire alert at the gym today. 45 minutes standing around outside. Well I did a 3 mile run. Oh and I've lost 4 pounds. Spin on that Tash ... I'll be having my Lobster on Monday.

Anyway ... I'm winging my way to Ibeeefa in the morning. Touch wood ... so may not get to update my words here ... hey, it's happened before ... so just bare with me on this.

Happy holidays everyone ...

My tune of the day: The freaks come out at night - Whodini

Disappointing facts #115

Ashley Walters didn't know who Whodini or the Fat Boys where ...

Rain

Has anyone ever experienced osmosis of the trouser? Yes I was caught in the rain, I had an umbrella, but still the water is up to my knees. I'm sodden.

I put the radio on twice on Saturday. At 4:48 we were 1-0 down and at 5:39 we were 2-0 down. Oh well ... I think we are doomed, but a lot of people are still wearing them free rose tinted spectacles that get handed out every 15 years.

I had a buying fest at the 95pence shop yesterday. Sun cream, after sun, shampoo, cool box ... did I tell you I was going on holiday? Get in there ...

Oh I saw that John Glover the old Welling player has passed away. I remember John as a rather rugged player with quite a bit of ability, given the general standard of Wellings play at that time.

Did I mention that I'm going on holiday?

I've realised that I've been a bit lackadaisical with my training regime over the last month or so. I think I need to get back to a 4 day gym week, as opposed to a 1 or 2 day gym week. Maybe do a 5 times a week routine for a month, just to get back into the groove.

Blimey just seen this on the faith site ...

Real music for real music lovers -tonight on SKY -CHANNEL 267 ARTSWORLD. Terry Callier in concert @10pm ... oh yes yes YES. Enjoy!

Specially posted by Dr Bob. That's straight after the contender, so I'll have to start my packing early.

My tune of the day: Ordinary Joe - Terry Callier

Golf

It's the Ryder Cup and we should all rejoice. Golf is the game of the people, and it's great especialy in this weather.

I'm Tiger Woods ...

Today is definately yesterdays yang. It's raining proverbial cats n'dawgs. I had to nip over to Canary Wharf and didn't take a brolley. Wet, you betcha. My shoes are soddened, socks now starting to chuck up a bit and all in a seasame seed bun. I love the rain.

Not only was I overcharged on that damn pizza, I was overcharged on my newish case yesterday. I was on the DLR when I found the receipt and looking down at it realised that they had charged me £40 instead of £20. I put my card in and didn't look at the amount. Now there's a lesson for you. Always look at what the fcukers are charging you!!!!

My tune of the day: Good Times - Chic

The King of Spain ...

Blimey, I didn't see that one coming. Page 15 of London Lite .... Inane, sometimes inept ramblings from deepest, darkest South London. Well they got that bit correct, but Spain isn't Sweden, and as much as I would like I can't be King of more than one kingdom.

I'll be King of the Balearics next week though ... and I'm going to Lord it like a Lordy thing. A newish case has been purchased, basketball tops and shorts rolled. All I need now is sun cream, and insect repelant. Then I'm packed.

I'll be missing the Arse game. Thierry Henry can kiss my arse ... vaaaavaaaa f'n vooooom.

I can't really believe how hot it is. There's me in jacket and baseball cap ... when I should be in speedos and swimming cap. I think I'll be sitting in the garden tonight.

I've just had an email about tidying the office. A clean desk policy. I'm not sure if they are having a pop about the 15 magazines and newspapers on my desk, or the ream of filing. It made me laugh anyway.

Lloyds have advertised a savings account at 8%. Blimey I may have to stick a pound in and open an account. Fill ya boots.

My tune of the day: Keep on Truckin' - Eddie Kendricks

Musings ...

So the King is dead long live the King.

How amusing was it that we ... that's the royal we, sang "Your support is f*c&i$g shite ..." Yea right.

Did you squirm when "we" sang "Stand up for Alan Curbishley ..."

Did you shake your head when we sand "Iain what's the score "

It was one of them nights. A typical Cup match down at the Valley. We can make anyone look like Brazil. Good on Carlisle, but please ...

It was good to see the Cupboard end taken over by the spotty herberts. They can't get up there usually, so good on them. Is there a time when the usual patrons should move? Go sit in the East Stand and allow the Herberts their rightful place in the sun!!!!

I had an interesting discussion with Vince in the Oak. There is a need to promote Charlton, and or the Charlton experience within London. Around Lewisham, Greenwich not just Dover and Herne Bay. Just a thought really.

It's only a week until my holibobs ...

My tune of the day: Super Fly - Curtis Mayfield

My iron sculpture .... 

The Honeymoon ...

If you start a new relationship, you can honestly say you'll get a good 6 months before Mr Mundane kicks in. You know them heart fluttering moments when she calls, sending flowers, aranging surprises, meals out, meals in, candles, clean bedsheets when she's going to stop over!!!! You get what I'm saying ...

Anyway I'm not waiting 6 months with Mr Dowie before I get a little concerned. My tether reached half way on Saturday when the jumping bean Lua Lua found half a yard and fired past Willie in the goal. I then sat there for 15 minutes as we stroked the ball around and showed no urgency until injury time. Matt Holland I don't understand. It's like he's treading water when he runs. Marcus Bent doesn't move, doesn't know where the channels are, Jimmy moans (but we knew this before we signed him), Darren Bent doesn't get a decent pass all game, so the concensus must be to make sure he remains fit so we can sell him in January, Kishishev has an anvil for a foot, Luke Young, Darren Ambrose on the left means that they continually cut back onto their right foot, Jon Fortune is not fit but was willing to play, and this cost us the goial as he couldnt or wouldnt put his foot into a tackle, and poor old Amdy couldn't do it all himself.

It's Carlisle tomorrow and I'm sure they aren't quaking in their boots. I actually prefer these games because I get to see players who arent paid thousands to be shite. I remember when I knew most players in the Football League, nowadays I couldn't tell you who's who ... oh well, that's me being 27.

It's another lovely day ... all a bit weird given that August was wet and wild. Here's hoping it continues.

My tune of the day: Bad Habits - Jenny Burton

Technology

My Annual Gold has worn out so you can't really read it. Putting it in the bleedin barriers has done this. Try and get on a bus and it aint happening!!!! So I'll have to queue and get a new one.

Smartcards anyone?

My tune of the day: I can't take it - Rick Wade

Cluck, cluck

I've got chicken again for my dinner.

Great

My tune of the day: Scattermasters - Teddy Douglas

Chicken Tonight

I had an overcooked piece of roast chicken for my lunch. Mmmmmmm .... better than Pizza eh!!

The word on the street is that the Oak has a 10am licence for Saturdays game. It made me laugh when someone suggested that that would be ok to be served by midday. I can't be bothered going in there. The service is shocking, I'll keep my money in my pocket and buy a programme.

As Mad as a box of frogs, I've never really understood that saying. How mad can a box of frogs be?

My tune of the day: Escapism - James Brown

Oyster me up ...

Do I want an Oyster Card? No I bleedin well don't. It's what keeps South Londoners sane, and shows that Red Ken knows nothing about our needs, our wants or infact concerns. Four notes to travel on the tube!!!!! It's 10 pence in Spain, 15 pence in New York, free in Kazikstan. Oh well, seems like we'll all be walking loads come January.

It seems like no one leaves me comments any more. Blimey, I remember the days.

Anyway earlier this week, I stopped by to get a pizza. The place I stopped at i'd never been in before. It was a nice pizza place. It was clean, it had video games and, most importantly, it served pizza, which is essential for any good pizza place. If a pizza place doesn’t serve pizza, it's just a place. I ordered a specialty spicy pizza which, in this neck of the woods, spicy means they throw some jalapenos on it and they are about as spicy as my day old boxer shorts (which vary in their spiciness from day to day, admittedly) and some garlic bread, and I handed over my trusty debit card to pay for the circular Italian delicacy.

It was at this point that things became interesting. The credit card swiping machine was apparently having problems dialing into the great credit card processing deity in the sky, so the cashier continually swiped and swiped and swiped my card. And I started to sweat.

Here’s the deal: I’m very ... protective ... of my money, primarily because I have so little of it. I watch over my money like a dragon lording over its horde, except that, instead of a horde, I basically have a few quid and some change. So, when I hand over my debit card to a third-party swiper, there’s a considerable level of trust being exchanged. Eventually, my card swiped successfully, and I signed off on a £11.70 pizza bill. And it was a good pizza, although I’d hesitate to call it spicy. Generally speaking though, all was right with the world.

Well, the next day, I visited a hole in the wall and conducted a withdrawal. When the receipt was spat out, I noted, with recoiling horror, that I was basically broke, even though I knew that simply couldn’t be the case. As with most instances when I’m confronted with information that simply cannot be true, I consulted the Internet, which always tells me what I want to hear. I dialed into my secure banking on line thang and, to my additional horror, the Internet told me the same thing the cash point receipt told me.

Now frantic, I called my the 0845 bank number to see where all my precious money went. The cheerful voice (welsh!!!!) on the other end started reading off a list of my most recent transactions: Amazon £8.20, British Gas £25.90, Pizza Place £1,170.

WHAT?! How much?! I mean, it was good pizza, sure, but not ELEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS good!

I went on line and found and called the pizza place, and by immediately I mean I couldn’t dial the phone fast enough. Smoke curled up from my fingernails from the sheer friction of my frantic dialing. According to the pizza place, they only tallied £300 in credit card sales the day before, so whatever happened didn’t happen on their end. I was left with the dreadful thought that my £1,170 was possibly gone for good, lost in the credit card processing ether.

I called the bank again and explained the situation as it now stood, while also asking the cheerful voice on the other end (asian) if a £1,170 pizza bill really made any sense at all given the history of my previous transactions. She graciously admitted that it did seem rather peculiar. Thank you, cheerful voice. In the end, the processing error was rectified, and my £1,170 was transferred back into my account, and I collapsed onto the floor in relief.

But let this be a lesson to you: swipe once and only once, and if you see someone swiping your card more than once, tackle them and punch them in the groin.

That's what I'm going to do ...

My tune of the day: For your love - Stevie Wonder

Five Years

Well i put the radio on this morning as I headed towards the Blackwall Tunnell and it was all 9/11. Fairs fair really, although it doesn't seem 5 years ago. Maybe it does. I think that what has happened over here has put it all into a reality zone, so I will be donning my hat today, as a mark of respect.

We lost at Chelski and hve no players left.

My tune of the day: Get Loose - Aleems

Take a time out ...

Well I must have subscribed to Time Out for just about a year. A weekly listing of all things to do in our great city. Cinema, theatre, a nice meal out, maybe a comedy show. Yep done them all. It's a thoroughly great read. It gives me the cost, the times, the dates ... absolutely everything. Yes, everything.

However ... and you knew there would be a however, it does like the sound of it's own voice. Well I say own voice, I mean voice of it's smug contributor. An example being details of the Chelsea v Charlton game tomorrow. Tell me the kick off time, tell me the price, but keep your West London biased oppinions to yourself. DB, we'll call him (but it could be a her)DF, because they only saw fit to write their initials at the end of the piece. Anyway DF really got my goat.

Just had a look on the Time Out webpage and DF is listed as Dave Faulkner. Go into google and see if you can find anything about this twat, because I cant be arsed ...

Anyway, I digress. DF thinks of himself of a wag. No not wife or girlfriend but a bona fide wag. Or otherwise he would have left his views at the bar in one of them cracking Australian Bars they have over that side of London. To quote, and I am happy to do that:

"Charlton usually enjoy their visits to Stamford Bridge and although it probably rankles that knocking the Blues out of last season's Carling Cup on penalties only counts as a draw (thus preserving Jose Mourinho's amazing home record). (No, nothing rankles here DF, we won and that's that). Nevertheless, their fans can still boast that they were the sole team to take a point from the fortress (sic!!!!) in last year's Premiership campaign. It's not difficult to assess the Addicks' start this term: swamped at West Ham (before and after Traore's sending off), (HELLOOO!!!!! Where you there DF, no you bleedin wellweren'tt, swamped is not the terminology I would have used as we were 1-0 up when Djimmi saw red.), thrashed by an in-form Manchester United (THRASHED!!!!) then belatedly seeing off a Bolton side who can't remember the last time they won away (Well given that we hadn't beaten Bolton at home in the Prem, it was a game after 2 defeats, and we had HH sent off, I think we did pretty well to beat "or" bogey team) . But after the Blues' shock defeat against Middlesbrough you can be assured nothing will be taken for granted. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink will be afforded a warm welcome again (I don't think so) , but it's his partner Darren Bent who'll provide the threat should his pedestrian team-mates in midfield and defence (now DF is proper having a laugh!!!! Frank Lumpard second best player in the world, I'll get my boots.) resort to last term's route one football. (And Chelsea never lumped it up ... no, no never!!!!!)

You know what? I'm actually pretty cheesed off with that. I buy TimeOut for it's listings not itspettinesss. Pay 50 notes to squat at Stamford Bridge, no thanks. I'll savour the moment at 4:45.

My tune of the day: Whicky, whacky - The FatBack Band

Pardew Squirms

Blimey, Sven is being linked with Wet Sham. I bet that made Al spit his Rice Crispies out this morning. They get everything they deserve.

Marcus Trescothick is alergic to India!!!! That sounds a tad like Rav who I'm convinced that the nearest he's been to the sub continent is Plumstead.

I've just been reading letters in the paper praising Australia on its immigration rules. I'm not sure what their rules are, I did a google search and came up with something from 2003. I may head down to Earls Court and find out.

Oh hang on the word is Australian PM John Howard has taken a firm stand and told immigrants they must adopt the nations culture if they want to live there. Learn the language and the Aussie way. Australian Culture!!!!! So they want all Immigrants to build a barbie, listen to Jason/ Kylie/ INXS and dersicute any Abo you may come across. Harsh ... but true.

So my brother leaves for France today ... good luck.

I've just eaten my lunch, avocado and prawns. I had some celery from breakfast. May have some artichoke for dinner. Oh, maybe not.

Seems like Gibralter have been allowed to join UEFA. I'm going to push for the Isle of Dogs to join to.

My tune of the day: Fantasy - Ten City

In the eye of the beholder ...

So I subscribe to GQ. Not such a bad thing!!!! You get to smile on the od occassion, look at a gadget (out of your price range) and say what if. Put together a make believe outfit from Prada, stone island and Alex McQueen ... and looks at tn'a ... ho hum. But now they've gone and said Russell Brand is the Most Stylist Man of the Year. Because he wears, scarves, waistcoats, pointed shoes and has big hair!!!!!

HELLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I'm reading the Metro and supposedly girls are handing out cards with their names on demanding a date. I'm sure if Kev had been working in the City he would have had to take a separate bag to work .... NOT.

Just done Body Attack. It's not the best thing to do on a Low Carbs diet. Eat porridge or a banana.

Did you see Lost last night? Well that's going to really put the cat amongst the pigeons. I had a quick shufty on the Lost Forums (yes, I know quiet sad) and people give spoilers away about what is happening in series 3 already. Can't they just leave alone?

England did well in the cricket last night ... maybe we can expect the same in the footie this evening.

My tune of the day: To be young, gifted and black - Donny Hathaway

Celery ...

Ham and celery for breakfast, jeeez that rocks.

It's midday already, only an hour til Body Max. I haven't been to the gym for over a week, so it's going to hurt. But no pain, no gain. Quote me on that.

I fancied a change last night and got the DLR home. It's surprisingly smooth, although slightly annoying in that it stops every 100 yards. Oh and the bus from Lewisham was like a cattle market.

Jelly and cream that's the pudding of choice, mark my words it'll be as big as leggings this winter.

It's quite interesting having a garden that you can potter around as opposed to an overgrown hovel. Each evening I've drunk a cup of coffee in the garden whist admiring the handiwork. It's actually therapeutic. I can see how gardening can be a good past time, not that I'd want to be digging and planting every weekend. Cut the grass ... you're 'avin a laugh ... gravel that's where it's at.

I didn't mention yesterday that Charlie Williams had passd away. I met him once in Bournemouth. During one of those drunken Weekenders. He even signed a card for me ... respect me old flower.

I've finally booked my holiday. The NE coast of Ibiza. I just hope the sun shines. It means I miss the Arsenal game, oh well ...not going to miss much there am I!!!!

My tune of the day: Talking Loud - James Brown

Didn't do it ...

Well would you appreciate Earth without the Wind and Fire or Fatback without the Band. Well blow me down, there was I for Grandmaster Melle Mel and only 2 of the Furious 5 came out on stage. I think the other 3 would have been furious not going on tour. Apart from that it was good. But a tad steep for an hour long showcase, but he is getting on a bit.

I painted the fence on Sunday morning. I dodged the rain clowds and as I finished the sun came out. Now I have to get the Ivy stroke clemantis to grow up the bleedin' thing.

Peter Crouch got a brace on Saturday. He needs a hood mind you.

I settled down to watch the Brazil/ Argentina game yesterday from the Emirates. No Adriano, no Ronaldo, no Ronaldinho. The start of a new era??? You bet ya. The Argies were put to the sword, swished away, good to the boys from Brazil. The Kaka goal was Kevin Lisbiesque ... I kid you not. Onto White Horse Lane to watch Wales on Tuesday. What with their transport infrastructure, your having a laugh.

The sun has snuck out this afternoon. Rock on is all I can say. And rock on my holibobs. Three weeks and counting.

My tune of the day: White Lines - Grandmaster Melle Mel

All that Jazz

Yep it's the Jazz Cafe on Saturday to see Grandmaster Melle Mel. White Lines, I can't wait!!!!

So there we have it, Ashley Cole finally buggered off to Chelskov, Reyes to Real Madrid, Tevez to Wet Sham!!!! Yeah right, that makes you want toinvest all your money into Football.

Charlton went and signed Omar Pouso on loan. Who he!!! It's a strange time down at the Valley.

I watched some of the Sopranos last night. Having missed much of the last series it seemed a bit all over the place. I should get the DVD's, but can't actually be bothered.

I need to paint the garden fence in "Seagrass" this weekend. Oh how I rock.

It's only Friday afternoon ... work sucks.

My tune of the day: ET Boogie - The ET's