Surprise, surprise ....

No not that our Paula fcuk-ed up but Shell Jubin from Big Brother had wacked her jubleeee's out on page three. She then justifies this by saying it's "ART", infact Page 3 emancipates women, letting them exploit their assets, earn cash and keep control. Yep, you got it Shell ... all of that and more. I think you may have been wrongly advised.

Anyway, poor old Paula. I was flicking between her race and the Arse game. At about the hour and a half mark it was obvious that Paula was feeling it. All the hype was just ebbing out of her ... it was quite sad to see. I think Brendon Foster hit the nail on the head, when he pointed out that Paula had never run a marathon in the summer, that all her competitors had competed and won in actual races, not time trials like Paula ... and that maybe she wasn't as good as we thought.

And reports today indicate that Asda are Britains biggest clothes store. Bring it on. Now I know where Graham gets all his kit from, I wonder what the Swedish equivalent of Adsa is? Over to you Kev!!!!

Wayne Rooney is addicted to tarts. Southampton have sacked Paul Sturrock. Football, it's a funny ol' game. Oh, I'd just like to thank Shaka Hislop for showing all the goalkeeping skills of a West Indian opening bat. Thanks Shaka.

My tune of the day: Everything's going to be alright - Bobby Womack

By George ....

Well according to this morning news Georgie Best, you remember the one ... he wears womens knickers and a wonder bra, anyway our George has been poking a 19 year old an texting her fiance. Have I missed something here? Have you seen George, he looks a right state!!!

Unbelievable ....

But then we have Mark Wright at Chester. He quit the new football league team two weeks ago, and no one knew why!!! It now appears he was shacked up with one of his players wives. Talk about shit on your own doorstep.

Unbelievable ...

Oh and we won a gold in some sort of yachting/ boating event. Does that mean that all the row boats on the Serpentine will be taken this weekend?

A-Levels ... what's the point? Apart from those triplets going to Cambridge that is. Thanks for that Kev ...

I've decided to do some house work come Sunday. You know put the hoover round, dusting ... even mopping the kitchen floor. I just want to get the flat looking right. Once a year ain't too bad is it?

Here's one for you!!! Watch that Borat's TV programme on Channel Four tonight. It's already had more complaints than most shows, due (sic) in part to the Jewish sketch in the red neck bar.

I missed the BBC 3 programme - "The trouble with Black Men" last night. I was saving myself for Sex, Footballers and Videotape. I bet that ruffled a few feathers ... it made me laugh anyway.

It's the Notting Hill Carnival next weekend. I'm just hoping the sun shines. There's nothing quite like dancing in the streets, with some gin and juice and the sun shinning down. It's got to be Good Times on Sunday.

Anyway ... here's hoping for three points tomorrow ...

"Oh Sarf Landen is wonderful ... Oh Sarf Landen is wonderful ... "

My tune of the day: My Adidas - Run DMC

My hallway ...
My hallway ....

Only in America ....

Well actually in nWoolwich. As Abu Hamza and a few of the other Muslim terror suspects where offered pork for din-dins. They were actually offered "Spicy pork chops suitable for halal diets" yeah right, you'll be telling me that Matt Owen never gets of his high horse next!!!

The beach volleyball is still being shown at the Olympics ... it's as graceful as ballet, er I think.

Oh and the last test starts today. It looks like rain, but knowing the West Indies it's going to be all over by Saturday.

No Charlton news. No new signings, or links ... it's all a bit boring once the season starts. Roll on Saturday then ... the first home game of the season ... I can't wait.

Oh, I've just found a picture I took of my newly decorated hallway. It's soooo much nicer than it was ... what do you think? I've added it above ...

Get in there ...

My tune of the day: Closer - Mr Fingers

Blogging, shmogging ...

Well it seems like everyone is blogging now. There are an infinate number of Charlton bloggers, okay maybe not that many, but all talking the same trash. Some people eh ... some people. Some even moan that they aren't IT savvy, HELLLLO!!!

Anyway, Average Joe finished last night when Melana chose Jason and not Adam. You knew it, didn't you!! It was a bit weird though, as she was tonguing down loads of the blokes. It's not something that you would want to see your gal do on National TV. Anyway, wait for series three when Adam returns.

Back at the Olympics, the Brits have won another medal. A bronze in the butterfly. We've just won another bronze in the canoing, things are looking up.

Oh an Carlton Cole scored two last night. That did make me laugh.

Anyway back to some footie. Well would you believe it, Paul Parkers red and white army won 5-2 away at St Albans. This was after losing at home on Saturday. It seems it all came together and they put on a good show. That might mean I make a visit to Park View Road in the coming weeks, but then again ... maybe not.

It rained again last night. I might have to search ebay for a rain coat. Any suggestions on styles?

My tune of the day: Big Picture - Izzi Dunn

Living in a concrete jungle ...

There I am reading the Metro this morning, the letters page to be precise. We have Ed from Herts, who says "Am I the only one who couldn't give a monkey's about the Olympics?"

Well thanks Ed ... thanks for that insite in your psyche. A monkeys about the Olympics ... jeeeez. Maybe one of the only events that brings the world together, cutting through racial, religious, ginger tensions. What's the betting that Ed, is a merchant, or maybe 25 stone or just shite at sport???

I would have to agree with Clive from London though. Why is tennis an Olympic sport?

So the West Indies threw away the latest test. You enjoy it, it won't last.

Oh, thanks to Kev for pointing out it is national cleavage week.

And as for Charlton, I'm still annoyed at their showing on Saturday. It's about time they actually showed a bit of passion.

My tune of the day: Back in the day - Frankie Knuckles

Apologies ...

To start, it was all a bit hectic on friday. I just didn't have time to put anything up. Oh well.

Secondly, it would have been nice to hear Curbs send out an apology to all us mugs that had traipsed up to Bolton on Saturday. I would say it will be a long time before I do it again. £30 for this, £25 for that, a beer ... a train, a night out in Blackpool ... shucks ... "MUG" ain't the word is it.

I have to say I just didn't get it. The same old short comings, no urgency ... lack of skill, no actual ball winner, no flair ... oh my, it's going to be a long hard season. If I was Danny Murphy I'd be having words with my agent.

Anyway, Blackpool was ... er, Blackpool. Normal muppetry going on, lots of tattooed ladies, drunken bums and kiss me quick hats. I've definitely got to get one of those. It was a rather quiet affair ... getting in at 4 in a vodka induced drunken stooper ... oh what a great setee that was.

I'm not sure what the problem is with ths hysteria over Team GB's cwap showing at the Olympics. We ain't that good. We did get a silver in the synchronized diving. Roll on the underwater hockey.

My tune of the day: H*A*P*P*Y - Edwin Starr

Rucksack rage ...

What is it with these jokers that come on trains wearing their best rucksacks? That would be a packed train, and they don't remove them!!! Blimey ... some people.

Added to the old yawny crew, the garlic crew, the read a broadsheet crew ... and the I want a seat for my bag crew, train journeys are really a bore.

It seems like Chelsea have had to stump up another £1.5 million in regards to the Carlton Cole thingamybob. Another bit of money to put towards a few extra players. So what next? Another striker, a midfield holding player ... ???? Well we are all watching with bated breath, It's been a weird week.

I hope you are all wearing your "LiveSTRONG" wristbands. If NOT go out and get one, wear it with pride ... you know it makes sense.

It's raining in Manchester ... Old Trafford. There's a surprise.

I'm having a curry at lunch time. Well I say a curry, but it will be lamb chops and sag gost. It's because I've been at Hatstand for a year, one whole year. Blimey, time does fly ... when you're having fun.

My tune of the day: Give me your love - Sisters Love

Ciao, Paolo ... it was good

So he's gone. Left us to return to his home in Rome. It was only a year but it was fun. The chipped penalty against the Arse, the tumble in the box at Leicester, the turning inside out of John Terry on Boxing day - that one was definitely worth it just to see the look on Wendals face once I had got up to the Manor.

As I say it has been good ... you'll always have a place Paulo.

Anyway, with one door shutting another always opens. Would you believe it ... two England international signing on at the Valley. Never in a million year. I've been texting all the Spudz fans I know, but had no reply ... surprised eh !!!! Danny Boy said that he wanted to work for an experienced English manager and the Fox in the box must just be happy to feel wanted.

Roll on Bolton.

I'm up in Blackpool this weekend. I get there early Saturday, have a few drinks then hot foot it across country to Horwich Parkway. Oh I can't wait. Am I allowed to put LOL here ... or should I actually say laugh out loud.

My tune of the day: My First Mistake - Michael Watford

Peaches and cream ....

And snow covered mountains, these are a few of my favourite things.

But if you lived in Walsall or Woolwich well last night painted a very different picture. If you watched that Darcus Howe programme on Channel Four you would not be going to the Bescott or hanging at the first McDonald's to be opened in the UK. You'd be keeping yourself to yourself, nuff said.

I did actually understand what the people were saying. There you have the Muslim Crew talking about how they don't like this lot, that lot ... and how in 20 years time we'd be living in Pakistan. Hmmm ... I don't think so. It's alright to believe that if your living in your little utopia, but in the big wide world it ain't happening. It was interesting to see that some of the Muslim youth saw Osama Bin Laden as a hero, as opposed to Bush/ the Jews/ the Blacks ... everybody really. To me it's more to do with religion than actually colour. Religion ... what that's all about I don't know ... but it keeps the masses quiet.

Moving on, there's a one page spread in the Sun (yes Kev still reading it) today about how the Ferrieras aren't a real indication of a typical Asian family today. You're having a laugh aint ya? Not typical!!! Really???

Yep, all the first names are of different origins ... a Hindu name, a Muslim name and a Ronny!!! They have a Portuguese surname, and they all drink in the pub.

Then it says how in Bad Girls we have the worst Jamaican accent since Jim Davidson. It's because the woman playing her is African. It's like me playing a Yorkshire man ...

Anyway all the Charlton boys are holding their collective breaths today. Why, we've been linked to a couple of players. I'm not going to name them, cause I'll put a hex on it, but I'm hoping, jeeeezx am I hoping.

My tune of the day: Assatta Dub - Asian Dub Foundation

Go on my son ...

So here we have it. Faria actually loved Sven. She even had to stop an interview when she said he'd go back to Nancy. Now read between the lines. A PA working in London on £38k has a flat in Tooley Street and drives a porsche. Yeah right. I think she actually loved the money ... call me old fashioned.

I had a weird weekend. I went out friday night to Play. I drank loads, had a good boogie, crossed paths with Mr Fight the World .... lost Gary and Glen, back to Plaistow ... fell asleep.

It's just dawned on me that I'm going to Bolton on Saturday. I do put myself in some positions. Why, oh why, oh why. We ain't signed anyone as well ... blimey.

I played cricket yesterday for the Charlton Gonads. We lost, but hey it was enjoyable. Well sort of, ish ... hmmmm, I think so anyway. Some peoples expectations though, oh well.

I'm thinking about getting an airconditioning/ fan unit. But is it worth it? For a couple of weeks a year ...

Oh and make sure you watch Channel Four tonight at 11. Darcus Howe presents ... !!!!!
My tune of the day: Annie, I'm not your daddy - Kid Creole

Strawberries Rock ...

It could be the name of a new form of music, but in fact it's my lunch and how I've fallen into a Strawberry eating trap. With fresh cream .... mmmmm.

I put this first as I should have started with good old Dubya, and his quote. You know the one ... the one thats been on the news ... yep that one ...

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," George Bush told an audience of military brass and Pentagon chiefs. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

It's the sort of thing that Mervyn Day would have said ... ya get me.

It's the end of BB tonight ... TFFT

My tune of the day: The Ghetto - Donny Hathaway

The Mile High Monster ...

So there we have it. I undertook my first speed dating session last night. There we had about 30 women all in a line, waiting for their Prince Charming. The only problem was that there were about 15 off us. Wendalls birthday party. 15 blokes all with dodgy name, mine being Terry Cooper ... trying to keep the conversation flowing. I would say that after about 10 "dates" I was out. I'd had enough. Mundane chat, jeeeez, what do you do? what brings you here? where do you live?

No thank you ...

It was an experience. But I don't think I am a Prince Charming.

So they voted out Stuart. Not really a surprise, but I can't believe that people want Nadia to win. It's easy, right, it makes you feel good, right, it makes you think you are doing the right thing, right?

Bollies ...

It's a great marketing ploy, a right-on factor ... even Davina says the votes closer than you think. How do I know? How do I know that the voting even counts?

Oh, I'm having my hair cut tonight. I'm not too sure what style tho ... and then I'm going out for another set of birthday drinks. It's Matts birthday. That's Matt of Matt and Claire fame ... and that's Claire of Claire and Ruth. If ya get me.

My tune of the day: Love don't live - Michael Proctor

Happy Birthday ...

Mr Wendell.

Twenty Seven ... blimey how time flies!!!!

It suddenly dawned on me as I stood in the queue at Tescos, exactly how stupid some people are. I'm sure I've mentioned stupidity before, but what the heck. As I was queuing in an aisle I left a slight gap to allow trolleys etc to pass. I had my headphones on, and was whistling a happy tune. Then a woman came and stood in front of me. I said excuse me, she looked at me and cut her eyes to the heavens. Excuse me I replied I am actually in the queue. She turned and was confronted by the twenty or so people behind me who were all muttering. She said nothing and was on her way. Next I had a bloke come up to me and say ...

"Are you waiting in the queue ...?"

No I should have said, I'm waiting for me bleedin' bus. It beggars belief, it really does.

Anyway I had more strawberries and cream for my lunch. I think I look like a strawberry.

I actually got my new phone today. The Nokia 7250. I think that's the one. But it's the new one with a 1mb pixel camera. Should lead to some fun. I did have to sit there and transfer my contacts over one by one. It's a new network provider and could I get my PC Bluetooth to work.

Answers on a postcard.

I'm in serious need of a haircut. I think I'll have to cultivate my fro'.

My tune of the day: Hola - Junior Jack

What's in a title ... ???

You have to laugh at peoples views.

There was a guy on the Charlton POB list stating that he only has a high regard for the sanctuary of marriage, but also for a stable relationship like Sven and Nancy. He then goes on to call Faria Alam a slapper. Ho hum is what I say ... you can't have it all can you?

Back in the Big Brother house, it really is getting quite boring. Sod Nadia, Dan, Shell and Stu. The only one worth watching is Jason, but all that happens there is he gets slagged off left right and centre. What's wrong with the fact that he doesn't like the rest of the idiots? At least he ain't being false about it.

Team handsome ... my arse.

I would like to thank people for their comments. But could you leave your names!!! How can I reply if I don't know who I'm replying to. Also I do have a forum where you can leave me a message ... oh you don't want to ... your loss.

I was reading Living etc on the way to work this morning. I was pleased to see that wooden flooring is making a comeback. So last year it was carpet, the year before lino ... blimey, I'm not too sure what else you can put down.

Good on Rio for wearing da fro. It's a tad picky, picky ... I'm sure his mum will get the comb out.

My tune of the day: Chic Mystique - Chic

David Grey ate my hamster

You know ... I have nothing to say today.

I had a quiet weekend, going to Luton on Saturday and Bexley on Sunday to wield da willow.

I'm still loving the sunshine ...

Oh ... and another thing. People should really get out more. I went to the Jazz Cafe on Thursday, and said on Friday I was "Shagged" ... that's shagged as in tired, not as in SHAGGED - making love to a beautiful lady ... whoooooooooooosh

My tune of the day: Photograph of Mary - Trey Lorenzo

Summer Sessions ...

Finally the sun is shining, and I mean shining. I think the saying is ...

"Phew ... what a scorcher... "

Having had a late night last night, I got a ticket for the Jazz Cafe ... I'm not going to say much more. I am what they say ...

"Shagged ..."

My tune of the day: Magic - Cevin Fisher

Moan and groan ...

I'm just sitting here watching Channel 4  and they had an advert for hemorrhoid cream. What is the world coming to??

People are still wearing their backpacks on the train!!! It's just so annoying. Then today I came up against the Tunbridge Wells phenomenon. I jumped onto a train an London Bridge to go one stop to Cannon Street. We all piled on to be met by a small First Class compartment. There we had Mr and Mr T.W sitting reading their financial times. Bags on the adjacent seats, jackets hanging of the back of their seats. Oh thank you Sir. Then to crown it all, they wanted to get up and put their jackets on before we reached the stop. This caused a young girl to fall forward, into a bloke, who fell forward, treading on my foot ... as I scowled at the said MR T.W.

These people ... all self, self ... self. WTF.

I got to Wycombe last night. It does make me wonder why I go to pre-season matches. But it's better than BB ... even with Michelle going off her rocker.

I've just had a packed of sweet cigarettes. They absolutely rock.

I need a cup of tea, anyone want to put the kettle on ???

Is it me or is BB not the same without Victor?

My tune of the day: Got me going - Jasper Street Co

Time doth flyeth

Blimey it's lunchtime already.

A LBT session at the gym today and then it will be time to go to the Post Office before winging my way down to Wycombe. Don't ask ... why do I bother, but it may be nice to see the Romm-meister make his debut.

I caught some of BB last night. Blimey, that Michelle. The daggers she keeps giving Stu and Shell. You would laugh wouldn't you, unless she was doing it to you. Kev, you must have had a few bunny boilers in your time ?

Anyway the boss has turned up in his Porsche. I may have to go take a look. How the other half live, eh !!!!

My tune of the day: Little Black Samba - Poji presents Carolyn Victorian

My oh My ...

So our IT partners have just done a summary of the software loaded on my machine and have said ... "Cor Blimey ..." What's this for, what about that ... what about this ere !!!!

Luckily every piece of software is for business purposes. A few bits of messenger stuff, some html writing software, a DVD player ... whats the fuss. I am Champion of Technology. I'm testing this stuff out.

I would like to thank Ms Lane for a lovely lunch. A shared bottle of red, what more could you ask for. However she did waffle on about stuff. I think she's feeling a bit broody ...

My hairdresser hasn't called me back. I am in desperate need of a cut. I can't do a thing with it.

I bought a couple of new CD's yesterday. The new Blaze album, yes you know .... and Louie Vegas Elements of Life thingy. Top draw both of them, and I would have to say respect to the house posse out there.

More cricket nets tonight. My body doesn't know what's hit it. I did a Body Pump class this morning at 7:30. A spin class and TBC class yesterday. I'm gonna be buff at this rate.

DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY, YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY ...

Charlton ain't signed anyone yet. Anyone else that would be. It's all getting a bit boring ...

My tune of the day: Bare Brass - Bana Kuba

This bouncy castle ...

that one is not suppose to go back to !!!!

WTF ...

So they voted the Slick Man out. Yep, great editing got rid of one of the BB characters. Victor was made out to be the bad guy. I don't see it myself, but this is the British public we are talking about. The pie eating, doughtnut munching public, that get on MY train in the morning, yawning, farting, burping to their hearts content. That public that drive 5 minutes up the road, that throw fag ends out of car windows, and let dogs mess on the playing fields.

Me bitter ... not 'arf ...

So the Charlton boys still lack a bit of depth in the squad. A 1-1 draw in China, following the 3-2 defeat. It hasn't got my loins jumping put it that way.

I played a bit of cricket this weekend. A net session on Saturday for a few hours, and a match on Sunday. Home to Telston and Merryworth (!!!) I think. We were cwap. I need to get a new team. There are too many politics involved in playing for the Pilots. I went in number 11, to be left high and dry needing 6 for victory. Why do I bother?????

Otis got some tickets for the Summer Sessions doo over in Hackney on Saturday night. Soul II Soul and Norman Jay MBE. Now I do remember S2S from back in the 80's, a few vgood Sunday nights at the Africa Centre. But this was ... oh so watered down. They have an MC, so it sounded like a barn dance ...

Left, right ... doxy doe ya partner ...

And drum and bass ... oh pleeeezzzzz. It's not big and it's not clever.

Svens had an affair .. !!!! I don't get how you can have an affair if you are not married. It's a scandal according to the Sunday papers. The only scandal is how this woman found him attractive. Answers on that old postcard.

Another round of love stories in the Metro. Natasha ... get over it !!! Ben, your mutual eye catching moment can happen every day, blimey. I do wonder if I am living i the real world.

My tune of the day: Trample - Dawg E Slaughter

Onwards and upwards ....

So there I am, booking a flight to Blackpool for the first game of the season. It's away at Bolton, so only a 25 minute train journey from the Tower. Ten minutes, ten minutes later a **News Flash** email. Hmmm ...

Claus Jensen has been sold to Foolham for £1.25 mill. Blimey. I'm not sure how that works but he was just that little bit different from what we've got. A bit of guile, thought ... Intelligence. Oh well, we've got Kish for another 3 years and Stuart.

I can't even get a refund.

I just bought some new cleats for those cycling shoes I bought. Yep, the cycling shoes that I will be using for the spin classes. Starting today.

Oh and England are still taking the pish in da cricket.

Talking of cricket, it seems like we've got some nets sorted for tomorrow. Only 8 months late. I tried to get it sorted in January, but you know what people are like.

I wore my new D&G sunglasses today. I do get the strangest looks, but people do need to chill a bit.

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Oh well. It's a sad day. But I've got my Bluetooth to work ...

My tune of the day: Do I do - Stevie Wonder

Wood for the trees ...

Do people actually enjoy watching Stuart and Michelle? Boring Billy and Psycho Billie!!! I don't get it myself. Victor continues to be the Slick VIC, the Ghetto VIP ... a bit like Mr Everest really.

I had an enjoyable evening with my mother and brother yesterday. A nice walk in the park and a nice meal. Family values eh. My Mum talked about Wife Swap, and explained how we had been brought up proper like. I have to agree.

I read that story about the squatters yesterday. It appears they have had a change of heart and have given the property back to the owner. So being homeless or a scummy squatter doesn't mean that you have to lose all your morals?? Only some.

I'm going to have to go and see Shrek 2. But do I really want to be surrounded by loads of screaming kids? If I wanted that I could go to a CIFC match !!!!!

My tune of the day: Take me to the Disco - Deep Swing

Shagtastic ...

So they did it. Big Brother seems to have had their first bonk. Or what we think was a bonk. A few tantalizing shots of feet, some moans, groans ... well ladbrokes are paying out.

Whats more important is that we keep Jason and Victor in the house. They are so much more fun than the rest. The plotting, the talk, the diary room rants ... isn't this what we want. Not Michelles biatching or Shells, well Shell's nothingness. Vote Nadia out ... you know it makes sense.

I can't believe it's Wednesday already. Where do the weeks actually go? It's also nearly August. Or more importantly it's nearly Christmas. Oh and Vote Nadia out.

I'm actually going out for something to eat with my Mum and bro tonight. It was my bros birthday at the weekend so he'll get his pressie, and my Mum has come up to the Smoke to go to the theatre. I can't remember what it is she's come to see, but it's on in Victoria. Vote Nadia out.

I was stuck on a train for 48 minutes this morning. The 8:02 from Hither Green got as far as the New Den, just outside London Bridge and just stopped. It stopped, stopped and stopped some more. The air con was turned off and people started sweating. The bloke in front of me started chucking up. You know chucking up a stink. A mix between garlic, bo and mustyjackets. It was quite off putting. The woman to my right started Riverdancing. If she trod on my foot once she trod on it 10 times. But did she say sorry, what do you think. Then a couple to my left started to get amorous. A scary looking couple at that. I don't want to see people swap spit. It definitely put me off my cheese toasty. When we did finally get to London Bridge, there was just a quick sorry for the delay, then off you go. British Rail .. we're getting there, My ass. Vote Nadia out.
 
My tune of the day: I'll Always Love My Mamma - Intruders

On me 'ed son ...

So can Minty get to the garage in time to save Gary. Blimey Eastenders is really hotting up!!! Or maybe I should actually get out more??? You decide ...
 
I had one of those days yesterday. A tbc class at the gym, strawberries for lunch, eggs and smoked mackerel for dinner, blimey my constitution aint all there. I actually did two loads of washing and some ironing. I watched BB then went to bed. There must be more to this. I'm 27 years old, is this all I have to look forward to. Answers on a postcard ...
 
I think I'm going to go with the Nokia 7610.
 
Right. Here's one for Everest. This thing about Kylie Minogues backside. We now have some gal called DJ Sassy saying she has a better bum than Kylie. Well word is that there are a lot of girls out there with a better bum than Kylie. In fact Kylie doesn't have a bum. A REAL BUM. She has, what is known in the trade as a "Back". Kev, if that's your thing ... live with it. But blimey, don't go preaching will ya.
 
The football season seems to be kicking off and we still haven't had the first test yet. It's happening at Lords on Thursday. So watch this space ...
 
My tune of the day: Unity - Colonel Abrams

I like the way you move ...

Was what Mr Williams called out to RandyAndy as he minced his way back to the changing rooms on Sunday afternoon. The CIFC boys were up in Leeds at the IFA Worldnet Championships. They were playing Killmarnock in the quarters and leading 1-0. Poor old Randy went up to try his luck, and after firing the ball just wide ... he, er .. well ... followed through. I blame TFI's said Matthew Owen.
 
My cricket was rained off. Quite early in the day. Beechwood our opponents weren't too pleased, according to Mr Cooksley, but it was raining shed loads in North Kent. What do I know????
 
I was actually going a bit stir crazy over the weekend. I didn't actually see anyone, or anything for that matter. I watched a few dvd's, some of the golf ... even though I still think it's a walk spoilt, some cricket and wwe wrestling. How good is that??? Wrestling, my first love.
 
I'm still at loggerheads with what phone I might get. I might get a paper cup and a ball of string. That would be oh so coooool ...
 
I actually went to watch some footie on Friday night. The Charlton boys actually played some good stuff against Welling. 8-0 was the score but it could have been 10-0, maybe even 12-0. But it was only Welling, with their new look squad. Including Mr Novelty haircut. Consensus is that you have to be really good to sport a fancy cut. If your a bit fat, lacking ball skills, finesse then stick to a skin head.
 
My tune of the day: Expansions - Lonnie Liston Smith

Whisky makes your frisky ...

Brandy makes you, well you know and Newcastle Brown ... ???? Answers to Britney Spears.
 
So it's week whatever in the BB House and Shell is up for eviction. Yep Shell, remember her, the girl who brings absolutely nothing to the dance. She now says that she will get her nauwks out if she's kept in. Thanks ... we've seen them ... move on.
 
I was worried I was turning into a BB freak, but I missed it yesterday and didn't really seem that bothered ... result.
 
My new cycling shoes arrived by post this morning, so there was me in the spin class with ma feet aching. It's like having two breeze blocks on ya tootsies. Stick to Mayflies ... that's what ma old Mum always used to say.
 
The bros grim are out of the office playing golf today. It's been a bit quiet apart from my music annoying everyone on the floor. Hey, it's the weekend ...
 
My tune of the day: My love is real - Kings of Tomorrow
 
 

Hola if you hear me ...

Surprise surprise ... the news on the street is that there are racists in the BNP. Similarly there are motorists in the AA, Dancers in the School of Performing Arts ... and people who shag their sisters in Carlisle. Bleedin 'ell.

Here's a question. Why do people stop at the ticket barriers and then start to look for their tickets? It's just not big ...

I actually took a trip out to Sainsburys last night. I had to get some soap powder and stuff and ended up buying loads of strawberries, radishes, spring onions, brussel tops and avocados. I haven't eaten radishes for about 10 years so what possessed me I couldn't tell you. I'll let you know the effect on my constitution later.

The CIFC boys are off to Leeds tomorrow for WorldNet. I would like to say good luck, but I don't think luck actually comes into it. It's all about desire. So whatever Cheesy desires make sure he gets it.

Me myself will be taking in Park View Road. I'm waiting to see if Paulo and Lisbie can actually play together.

I think I want to buy some Rayban Aviators. What do you think? Will they suit me? Do I care if they don't? Come on Barnie let me know ...

I'm also down to play cricket Sunday. It's my bros' birthday so I'd better send him a card ... got to keep on top of it.

My tune of the day: Keep on Moving - Soul II Soul

Fantasy, smantersey ....

So consensus is that women's fantasy date happens to be one ... Wayne Rooney. He's "sexy" and "huggable" who love his boy-next door image. HELLO!!! Maybe I've missed something here, but it goes to show why so many women are bleedin single. They'll be telling me that the boy Everest has smoldering good looks next, and Mr Williams is going to grow a 'fro. Jeeeez.

I've just seen a picture of Lisa Scott-Lee. Does anyone actually think she is attractive? I can't see it myself, but then what do I know.

He's back. Mr Garlic breath stroke Mr Yawny Man was on my train this morning. It was raining so all the windows were closed, the heating was on and this bloke stunk. He then continued to yawn every 3-4 minutes from Hither Green to London Bridge. Being the mild mannered guy I am, I just turned the other cheek. This commuting malarkay ...

It's the first pre-season friendly on friday. The annual jaunt to Welling. I for one can't wait to sing the new El Karkouri, Talal El Karkouri song (to the tune of Alouette) as suggested by Smudge. Good work fella. I saw Vince last night. He and Mrs Vince are off to China for the tour as well. Ireland was a laugh but China, well it does take allsorts. We also discussed Blackpool for the Bolton game. Seems like a rush eh ... come on Mr Chick you know it makes sense.

My tune of the day: A Place Called Heaven - Tension

Single Britain ...

Says the large headline in the Sun today. Yep I'm still reading it Kev, as well as watching BB ... life sucks eh. So what they are saying is that people today don't want commitment, stable relationships ... and in fact marriage. One bloke says that for a man a relationship is a big drain on the finances. Hmmmm. Another says he doesn't have time. But the woman say they want a serious relationship to be emotionally and mentally fulfilling. Have I actually missed something here? There we have the boy Parlour being taken for all he's worth, rubbish like Sex and the City, and there (whooosh, spelling mistake alert!!! FCUK me sideways, some people) telling us we need to be respectful of women's needs. Yeah right.

I had so much grief yesterday when I found out that I had been de registered and my doctors. This was because I hadn't been there for two years. Good call. So now I have to find another local practitioner.

The sun is actually shining today. It's actually quite hot. But so far it's been the third wettest July in history. And I haven't cut the grass yet, gardening sucks.

Still no news on what mobile phone I should be using next. They all look the same. I need something with a wow factor, but as long as it's not on the Three network I'll be okay.

My tune of the day: Could heaven ever be like this - Idris Muhammad

Picnic in the Park ...

Or maybe not. It was slightly overcast yesterday so instead of having her birthday picnic in Vicci Park, Roof decided we could all sit in the pub. The Royal something, but it was good as they served treacle pudding and custard. I also managed not to pish too many people off, I think ... so my people skills are improving.

I was also able to referee the CIFC mob in their game against Welling.



I think I need to get my hair done ...

Typically it was a rather cheesy affair, with the usual protagonists doing their usual stuff. I had to make a few controversial calls but hey that the nature of the beast.

Thanks to Mr W for the pics ... I took it upon myself to "tief" the one above, I'm sure you don't mind too much.

My tune of the day: This time baby - Jackie Moore

We will exterminate you ....

They're not going to put the Daleks in the new version of Dr Who!!!!

Blimey ...

Thats like Morecambe and no Wise. Little with no Large. Holmes with no Watson. I'm not sure how they are going to work it, but expect more Loch Ness Monster type thingys.

Damn, blast.

I'm down to referee a footie game on Sunday. I'm not sure what outfit to wear yet, but it's going to have to be a good one. I'm not sure if I can find my whistle, oooh er missus.

Still no signings by the mighty Addicks, oh well. There's always next year.

My tune of the day:Date with the rain - Eddie Kendrick

To all the girls I've loved before ...

It doesn't look like this cats going to get married. Not after Mrs Parlour gone and buggered it all up. Do you know how much earning potential I have ? Once they unleash the beast.

Well Summer is here and we are all so worried about hosepipe bans. I haven't sat in the garden once yet this year. Mowed the lawn, your 'avin a laff.

I had a spin class last night, and I had difficulty walking home. The weekend really took it out of me. Then the trains were buggered, but I did get to see Victor sing. Quality stuff.

We're over a week into July and still the boys in red haven't made any major signings. Well we've got Rommedahl but that one doesn't count. It's the first pre-season game on Friday week. I don't want to go, but you know I may have to. The Guy is going to be jammed. Ho hum, as they say.

Just a quick thought. Why do people walk and text? It's just so annoying. And continue to wear their rucksacks whilst on the train? I ask ya ...

My tune of the day: Beautiful Love - Arnold Jarvis

The Harbinger of Doom ...

Or maybe that should be Michael Vaughan?? He let the side down he said. Nah, mate just got beat by a better team. Funny how in the space of a few months you can go from being the Cock of the North. It's a funny old game that cricket, ain't it.

So this morning I have been told that my life consists of reality TV and the Sun newspaper. Some good points, but as it was made by the "ONE" Kevin Everest who's life consists of Jenna Jameson dvd's, looking out of his window, the inability to hold a conversation for more than 20 seconds without talking about himself, the eighth best ride in Sweden and the ex-pat community, oh and did I mention looking out of his window ... I think we can file this under the dodo section.

The debate still rages about Tim and the state of British tennis. I'm not too sure if we like winners. We still get off on building them up to knock them off. Poor old Rooney, he'll get his ...

Talking of the Sun, they've done the full page apology to Liverpudlians again. Fifteen years on and they are trying their damnedest to get a foothold back in Scouseland. The piece is all very PC until the end, when they state "It's time to move on." Hmmm, yeah the same way as next time we play the Germans/ or Argentines at footie they won't mention the war.

On a separate note, it would appear no one is leaving comments or using my forum. Oh come on guys/ gals ... give it to me.

My tune of the day: Love will be our guide - Jersey Street

Back in black ...

Four games in four days. The thought was attractive, but in reality ... well my arm aches, feet blistered ... my head is thumping. Cricket, lovely cricket. Well it was three wins, until finally the wheels fell off over in the lovely village of Gotherington where the majority of the team spend the first half hour lying motionless in their pavilion.

"Oh my head ..."

If you've ever listened to local radio, don't. As the car meandered through country lanes, we listened to both Radio Swindon and Radio Oxford. It's totally unbelievable, for moments we were speechless ... but luckily not for long. Some lucky punter came on and told us what his old dad used to say.

"If your mother and a blackman where in a boat, that was sinking and you only had one life jacket who would you give it to?"

That's right ... your mother. It's easy as he continued ...

"You have to look after your own ..."

There was much mirth, but also a little headscratching at this. But hey what do I know ...

It was nice to see the Greeks win Euro 04, and they deserved it. Not that Des and the boys would have said so, or the tabloids given them much credit. No, we still live in the Rooney Wonderland ...

On a side note, it was really good not to have email/ internet access for a few days. I even read the Daily Mail to compensate ... now that does deserve a whoooosh.

My tune of the day: I can't get no sleep - MAW ft India

Remember, remember the First of July ...

Because nothing ever happens.

All summer us Addicks have been told keep the faith, everything will begin to fall into place come the First of July. So come the moment, come the man nd like Tim's Wimbledon exploits it looks like it's going to be a damp squib. At least we have Big Bruva to keep us going. Get that Marco out, what a muppet.

Good old Ally Ross in the Sun. He says that if they passed the Olympic flame to our TIM on cenre court it would have gone out. I did laugh. Then he points out that the best bit of TV this week was Little Lady Fauntleroy. I did watch it, but had to turn it off half way through. It was soooooo bad.

So I'm off to Cheltenham tomorrow, so I won't be doing this for the next few days. I hope you all have a good weekend, don't over do it ... and let's hope the date goes well on Friday, no names mentioned eh ... ;)

My tune of the day: Tell me all about it - Treena Rose

Bye, bye ...

Tiger Tim ... it seems like our boy took one hell of a beating!!! Unless a miracle happened, poor ol' Tiger is getting mullard (is that how you spell it??). There's always next year!!!

I did a body combat class at the gym today, what's that all about.

I've just been sent a pic from the Southport Weekender site. It's me in my finest on the Saturday night. I thought I'd share it with you ...



I walked from London Bridge today, due to the Tube strike. There are some miserable bleeders about, blimey.

(Hang on, I've just seen some muppet praying whilst Tim serves to stay in the match ... I ask ya.]

Talking about miserable bleeders, I got some of that Kabbalah red string. To ward off the evil eye ... and be happy within myself. Let's see if it works ...

My tune of the day:Dreams - Lady Alma Project

Smile ... your on candid camera

I've just done a spin class followed by a fabulous abs and bums class. Sat down with a Mango frapuccino and watched some of the tennis. What's that all about eh????

To start with nearly four pounds for a glorified milk and ice drink. They do see us coming don't they. Luckily I didn't have to pay for it.

I'm trying to work out what I want to do with my hair. I'm between styles at the moment, a bit like Mr Williams.

So there's a tube strike tomorrow. You watch the one day that I'll take a stroll from London Bridge it will be pishing down. I can see it now, sodden before I get to the office. I could always use the DLR!!!!

Why are all the women tennis players 16 years old with legs longer than Miss Long Legs? It weren't like that in my day!!!

My tune of the day: So tired of waiting - Bah Samba

It's raining, it's pouring ...

Well not at the moment, but what a weekend. Talk about June showers ... !!!!

I played my first game of cricket yesterday. What a total waste of my time. We got absolutely hammered, I ache, and played like, well a bit like a muppet. But never mind eh.

I have been reading the Metro this morning, and saw they had a "Cupid Special" page. It is messages left my people for people they have met or want to meet. I couldn't stop chuckling really at some of them. An example:

"I met you over a year ago ..." er, get over it, move on.

"I have only seen you once and I've not been able to stop thinking about you ..." have I missed something 'ere, blimey.

Can someone explain what this is all about. Whatever happened to talking? Interacting? I give up, I really do. Do people actually date? I know someone has one, this friday ... she absolutely loves the guy, but he's not exactly aesthetically pleasing. Shallow .... not me.

The football is a bit boring now. You can have too much of a good thing. Oh I'm on a cricket tour this weekend. Cheltenham here I come.

Oh and I forgot to say, I'm wearing some new shoes


My tune of the day: One fing n annuver - Chas n Dave

Well that's that then ...

Poor old Venus ... cheated out of Wimbledon. Well I say cheated, but the old ump gave her opponent an extra point during a tie break, shame he couldn't referee the England game ...

There is me willowing in pity when Mr Williams comes on MSN Messenger. He then starts saying how England deserved to lose, and talking about how Campbells goals was rightly disallowed. Hol'on. England sure werent the best team I've ever see, but the goal was a goal, the ref bottled it. You would never see me bottling it ... I call it the way I see it, apart from if Everest is involved, then the red card comes out.

I'm actually pencilled in to play cricket this Sunday. And I've remembered I'm on tour next weekend. Blimey I ain't turned my arm over this year ... I'm gonnna hurt. I had better find my kit ... I'm unbelievable sometimes ... I can't remember who I am.

Bo Selecta is back on tonight ... now tell me that aint funny ... go on I dare ya ... CHAMON ... anf for Matt Queer eye for straight guy is on at 7:30.

I had the biggest salad ever for lunch. This was after an hour spin and half hour sit ups at the gym. Oh and I'm getting my hair cut tonight, but I'm insure to what style I should have ...

A gerham or a razil ... hmmm ... you decide ...

My tune of the day: I wanna be where you are - Jackson 5

IT'S COMING HOME ...

No not Wayne ... it'll be either Vanessa or Dan in this weeks eviction. I watched it last night and blimey, ol' Van is going para. Having a go at Jase, but I still think it's all a load of old bollies ...

The fixtures came out this morning. So August 14th sees us kick off the season away to Bolton. Whooopy Doo. It could always mean a weekend in Blackpool.

I did laugh this morning when I saw Tony Blackburn had been suspended for playing too much Cliff Richard on Classic Gold. Sir Cliff doesn't match with the brand values. Now come on ...

Right, I am actually going home early so I can watch the match ...

My tune of the day: Ere we go, ere we go - Matt Owen and the Unclean Generation

It's raining, it's pouring ...

It's the middle of June and it's raining. It's so depressing, I want a nice sunny day, skimpy dresses, la-las on tap, cold beer ... cricket. Is it too much to ask for?

Right, I've fully recovered from my frantic weekend. The old Rumble at the Pally, well I say rumble with my tongue firmly in my cheek. Poor old Audley, well I say poor but I doubt it. I had 8 hours kip last night after watching the Italians get shunted out. I didn't even dream I had been watching Americans do kinky stuff with their pets, thank god.

I had a call today from T Mobile offering me an upgrade. I ask you. They are taking the proverbial. I told them 4 months ago that I would not be renewing after 9 years, but still they offer me some hopeless deal. Yeah a new phone. I'm all phoned out. I want a phone that is the size of a postage stamp, gives me 100 hours free talk time, doesn't slip down the side of the setee ... and makes the coffee. Now I might have to ask Orange.

Honestly I need some advice on new phones!!! If anyone knows of a good one I should be using, drop me a line ... please.

I've just realised I need to go to Allied Carpets on Saturday morning. To choose a new carpet for the hall. Given that the last one was ruined by a flood from upstairs, maybe I should get a plastic one. Or a water slide ... now that would be good.

I'm out at my Salsa class tonight ... hey, they don't call me snake hips for nothing.

My tune of the day: Stupidisco - Junior Jack

Whooooooosh .......

Yes England won, but all the euphoria was ruined by that programme on Channel Four last night. All about shagging animals. Bleedin hell ... I thought Monty Python was bad !!!!

Oh and Tim just scrapped through ....

My tune of the day: Hell is round the corner - Tricky

England, my England ...

To quote William Ernest Henley, well ... I though it was Rooneys England. Let's watch the boy wonder go tonight ... should be fun.

I did in fact make my way to the Ally Pally on Saturday night to see Audley do his stuff. I would say that it was a tad disappointing, nine rounds of mediocre heavyweight boxing, but what do I know. The afterparty was good though, in fact I didn't get home til 9:30 Sunday night. Now that is funny.

I've just been reading the paper and see that the Intertoto cup has kicked off. Aberystwyth and Cork both played. Not sure what the point in it is, but hey.

I've also realised that I've been buying lots of stuff on ebay recently. I think it hit home when the miniture wind up robot arrived from Hong Kong. Why, I'm not sure? It must have been one of those moments ... well thats what I'm saying anyway. However I have had a few results. The black and pink Nike trackie, the Vintage Fred Perry blazer, a couple of classic wrestling teeshirts. I will be dapper this summer.

It's the longest day today, midsummers day. So get your pagan gear on and spread the word.

Matt Owens cleaner is on holiday for the next two weeks ... thanks for the email telling me Matt. Some people have too much spare time.

My tune of the day: Why I came to California - Leon Ware

Ere we go, ere er go ...

So we are going to conquer the world. We are going to murder the Croats, smash the Greeks, spit in the face of the Italians ...er, no maybe not.

I thought we were pony, but hey what do I know.

Well it all kicked off in the Big Brother house. Good job to. I'm sure I would have been kicked out within the first week. Oh how I wish .... ;)

It was said to me last night that thank god that all those Scousers had a shag 18-24 years ago. Well if you look at it he has a point. It was either hubcaps or shagging the missus. Even they got it right.

It's one of those days, when I aint really got a lot to say. I'm eating strawberries, so I will wish you a good weekend ...

My tune of the day: Tell me all about it - Natalie Cole

Tiny Knobs of Football Yobs ...

Was one of the headlines in the Sun today. Given that on the pitch Everest is the BIGGEST YOB ... has he got the smallest KNOB??? Answers on a postcard if you please.

So we are only a few hours from the England shirt being in the sale section of the sports shop. Blimey, they have to beat the Swiss. What with their army knives, cuckoo clocks and stuff. They even have Stephan Henchoz. I'm not sure if it has an "f" in it .. but hey.

I still can't get my head around Big Brother. Maybe thats the point. I even looked up the website today, but it was down. Maybe a mad rush ... but I doubt it.

It appears it all kicked off in there last night, they even had to call in security ... now thats got to be worth watching. Somehow though, I thinbk we are all being taken for a ride ... so shop a job, it's got to be Marco.

Don't you just hate calls from withheld numbers? What's that all about ... !!!

It's been said I moan to much ... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

My tune of the day: ICU - Ananda Project

Vote Victor ...

Go on you know you want to !!!!!

I still can't get over what I saw last night. Hot on the heels of Big Bros was a programme called Sex with Strangers. Bloody hell. They showed lesbo action and stuff. Quality viewing.

Oh, I've just realised I'm going to a Salsa class tonight. How did that happen? I think I need to get them there hips moving. It's at 6:45 ... pah. I'll have to do a spin class before.

More fighting in Portugal. Hmmmm ... now there's a surprise.

Blimey there's a 19 year old selling his virginity on Ebay. He's currently got a bid for over £6k, now come on Kev ... I'll split it with you, we can sell yours to an international market.

My tune of the day: Reach - Kenny Bobien

Big Brotha ...

I've just watched tonights episode. What the FCUK???

What is this programme about? How much would I just like to stick a hot poker up most of their arses? How can it be that Victor seems like the most sensible one on there? What the fcuk!!!!

My Book of the day: To have and have not - Ernest Hemmingway

Whoops there it is ... !!!

Sorry, I've just eaten a big bowl of strawberries and cream. I did say this morning that I would lay off the cream, but I couldn't resist. It's not big and it's not clever ... but it's so scrummmmmy .....

I went to the gym at lunch time. Maybe the hottest day of the year and I was Spinning for all I was worth. I don't usually sweat, I perspire ... but when I had finished it was like I had been swimming. I then followed that class up with the FAB class. (It's Fabulous Abs and Bums for all the uninitiated.) That's why I've just had the strawberries ... comfort.

I'm still reading of all the disturbances throughout England following that penalty. However I do think they were dancing on the streets of Raith!!!!

Just a quick point, does anyone know where my forum is? Since I set the new one up NO ONE has posted a thing. Blimey, come on people let me know what you think, OH MAYBE NOT.

I've just read about the Alexander Technique (AT) ... the secret to a great posture. Hmmmm ... maybe I should look into this.

My tune of the day: Flying High - Byron Stingley

Allez les bleus

As they say in Croydon ...

Well, I'm not sure I want to go into much detail, but what was that all about. Typically, people who don't give a 4X about football are crying this morning. SH*TE happens, and it wasn't Emile Heskys fault.

Strictly Come Dancing, poor old Claire Sweeney. There she was, shaking for all she was worth, and the public didn't like it. Never mind Claire ....

I think I may be going to see Audley this Saturday. At the Ally Pally, blimey North London sucks.

I've just realised it's mid June and I haven't played any Cricket yet. I need to get out in the fresh air and turn my arm over. Oh well ... the West Indies are over soon. I may get a call up.

Croatia v Switzerland, what was that all about???? It was like watching paint dry. The greatest sporting event in the world, yep .. that'll be it.

I actually put the hoover round this weekend. I rock, staying in to do some hoovering and ironing. At least my jeans have the creases in the right place now ... pick that one out the net.

My tune of the day: Love Is Gonna Save The Day - Georgie Porgie

** RIP **

I don't want to say much today even with France/ England on Sunday. Yesterday was a sad day with the loss of Ray Charles.

Rest in peace Ray.

Tune of the day: I can't stop loving you - Ray Charles

Vote, vote ... VOTE

Come on people, get out there and put your "X" in the box. You know it makes sense!!!

Oh and quote to beat all quotes from Palarses Any Johnson ... "We've answered a lot of answers today and this is the icing under the cake." Thanks Andy.

So sunday creeps ever so nearer, and the French must be quaking in those boots. Come on the roast beef ... lets stick it up 'em.

Strawberries and double cream ... a dream. Sod wimbledon tho', what's that all about??

Well the suns gone in today, and there's me in a linen shirt and straw hat. Oh very cuban ... in the rain.

My tune of the day: Back in the day - Frankie Knuckles

Three Lions on me eggs ...

Or not as the case may be. So the grumpy FA don't want to put the three lions on eggs for Euro 04. Bah humbug!!!

Why is it that when I wear flip-flops to work someone always treads on my feet. There was I, happily standing in the train aisle as we pull into New Cross. Whooosh as Mr Blobby stumbles in and right on my toes. Ouch ... !!! It never rains ...

So I hope you have all gone out and had your eyes tested ... NO, blimey. Oh and another thing, never go back to the bouncy castle, NEVER.

So we didn't get in the UEFA Cup. No back door entry 'ere. Oh well better luck next year ...

My tune of the day: Brotherly Love - Bobby & Steve

Too hot to handle ....

So there I am, reading th Sun on the way to work and Jennifer Ellison says she has had sex in the most outrageous of places. The kitchen and the bathroom. Blimey, hold on girl ... you may get to do it in the living room next. She then says she has a high sex drive, but is too scared to do it outdoors ... she's paranoid about CCTV cameras.

Whooooosh ...

So tonight is the UEFA fair play draw. Two places, twelve teams ... can't see it happening myself, but you have to hold onto thoses little bits of hope.

So the English footie team have landed in Portugal, with their hamper of rice pudding, malt loaf, salad cream and trampolines. TRAMPOLINES, blimey I can see Becks now. Maybe not.

What a day yesterday in the sun eh. The sun shone, the trains fcuked up, all da bigtatty gals were out and about. Heaven in the afternoon eh, quality.

How often do people get their eyes tested? I haven't for a couple of years now, so I may have to go and sort it. It's one of those things.

My tune of the day: Money don't mean a thing - Dwele

A quiet moment ...

In reality it can all get lost in the mundane lives we live. But the 60 year anniversary of the D-Day landings did bring it home a little bit. Shame on Prince Andrew who was golfing up at St Andrews. Whooooosh.

So Hells kitchen has finished, so the world can move onto Big Bro. Not for me, Victor what's that all about. Gods gift ... er, I think not.

Why do people go on funfair rides. Another one collapsed. Not a pretty sight. I think popcorn would be enough for me ... oh and some candy floss.

Did you know the most fuel efficient crusing speed for cars in 55mph. Blimey, if only eh. And don't run the rear window heater.

Am I the only one who thinks big up to Abi Titmus. Go on gal ... lesbian romp ... you have to laugh.

Oh and make sure you watch God is black tonight on 4.

My tune of the day: Hooked on you - Cerrone

Oh well

I changed the layout and lost all my links/ webcounter and message board. I'm trying to sort it, so bare with me ...

WHOOOOSH

Get ya tats out, get ya tats out ...

So topless sunbathing is going out of fashion. More women are choosing fashionable swimwear and good grooming over letting it all hang out. Hmmmm, and then a week or so ago we were all talking about obesity. Don't the two go hand in hand.

Oi Michelle McManus ... keep that top on, I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR SAGGY TATS!!!

I bought some new feathers last night, from John Lewis. Feathers being the new rosettes. I may be losing it!!!

Luckily I was out last night, so I missed Big Brother. Result eh. Kitten my ass.

I was quite nice weather wise yesterday, but it rained ooop North. They only had a few overs at Headingley. Shame eh, it's Euro 96 SOON ... England are gonna win, I can feel it in my water, or they may lose to German in the Semi, er ... on pens. I can feel it, or is that just my Joselyn Brown impression? Who nose? Pinochiot!!!

Drum and Bass, what's that all about? Answers on a postage stamp to Goldie. I'm sure she died in the nineties leaving Simon Groom mortified.

My tune of the day:It's yours - John Cutler

5,4,3,2 .... er ... 1

I nearly succumbed. I watched 5 minutes of Big Brother, before I switched off. What a load of rubbish!!!

However Ally Ross in the Sun today has a good point. Kitten, hmmm ... says she was a prostitute ten years ago. What during the great prostitute shortage of 94!!!! Oh how we laughed.

Richard Rufus has had to retire. That may mean jack to a few of you, but it's a sad day down my road. Richard was, WAS (now that is a bitch) quality. That header at Wembley, what a moment. He even got me some tickets at Tranmere and Bury. What a man ...good luck Rooooof.

Sven says that the players were too tired to beat Japan. Hmmm ... WTF!!!

Oh and go down Boots and get your eyes examined. Ten squids, is good value ... you heard it here first.

Strawberries and cream, my favourite ... get in there.

My tune of the day: Walking in a Rufus Wonderland - The Cupboard End Choir

Stop the train, I want to get off ...

I've spoken at length about my train rides to work. Yawning, rucksacks, broadsheet papers, but this morning really took the biscuit. A woman, wearing headphones singing. She wasn't singing at the top of her voice, she was just singing. She had her eyes closed, so she knew what she was doing. Everyone else looked around in an awkward silence. Ho hum ...

I've just watched Freddie v Jason. What was it all about?

So England drew with Japan, but everything is rosey for the Euro Championships. Yeah right. Poor old Sven, he could have been Chelsea manager this morning. Laugh, I nearly played for CIFC.

Another trip to the gym today me thinks. I'm still hurting from yesterday but no pain, no gain.

My tune of the day: Found Love - Blaze

One born every minute ...

What is it with people? Always interupting, interacting when it's not wanted!!! There I was on the downward slope of a 2 day bender, when the Everest thinks his funny and send's lots of pointless text's listing crap old English cricketers. The point being it's his money, waste away blonde bwoy, but I was on my last bar, on the phone. I turned it off, waited 10 minutes, back on but still they came. Although he lost it when he had to name Ian Botham twice. What you only know 20 cricketers Kev ... muppet????

A quality weekend. Drinking, dancing, all the usual stuff you expect from us 27 year olds. Good day in 93 feet east on Sunday. But boy did my feet hurt.

The Unity cup has been won by Nigeria. Can't be bothered going tomorrow now, I'll stay in and do some housework. I rock.

Just back from a fabulous abs and buttocks class at the gym, followed by a spin class. I had difficulty walking back to the office. Not a pretty sight.

Oh and I off loaded about 70 badges at the weekend. I rock.

My tune of the day: Paris-Brooklyn with los Amigos - Dimitri from Paris

Find a friend for the weekend ...

Another bank holiday. No football, cricket, or sunshine. So it looks like a pished weekend.

The Carlisle posse, well one of them has her eyes on a 22 year old. The South Hackney posse, well one of them has her eye's on a cheese maker from Liverpool.

What's the world coming to?

Tim has his eye's on Mush's bird ... whooooosh!!!!!

My tune of the day: Weekend - Class Action

Killed Bill ... volume two

So I went to see Volume two last night. Over at Greenwich film works. Me and a bag of McE-Dees. A strange carry on. It doesn't really fit with the pace of the first film. Yes, there is more dialect, more character interaction, but it just didn't fit. The continuity died. No pussy wagon, to quote "It died on me". That's rubbish. There' sgonna be a Volume 3 but in about 15 years, don't watch this space.

The papers are full of obesity warnings ... ah toooooo late. They want to get my train in the morning.

Oh, I've been invited to dinner with Princess Michael of Kent. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

And some muppet in the metro says that he is astounded by the amount of people in London, who put down their own city. Er, thats because they are in fact NOT from London. London is without doubt the best, quote me BEST goddam city in the world.

My tune of the day: Making love - Ron Trent

I'm really a "Nice Guy"

Thanks for that Dave ...!!!

I had one of those journeys to work. Some bloke wanted to wear his rucksack on his back, on a packed train. He then decided he wanted to turn every 2 minutes, so sent 10 people flying. Another idiot then wanted to yawn every 30 seconds. You get the picture, a dirty garlic yawn, no hand over the mouth. Then some bloke wanted to walk down the platform reading his book. What's that all about? I don't get it really ...

It's the champions league final tonight. When Jorge goes up to lift the Euro Cup ... we'll be there !!!!

Oh and Big Brother starts this Friday. I hate BB, but you know at some point I'll end up watching it ... I can't wait.

I'm just reading the front of the Metro about the artwork that was lost in the fire somewhere in London. There's a pic of Tracey Emin's tent emblazoned with the name of everyone she has had sex with. Hmmmm, it made me think. If Kevin Everest did one, would it just say "Myself" ?????

My tune of the day: We've Only Just Begun - The Monty Alexander Trio

Jellied Eels v Barm cakes ...

I would have to say that I do watch the soaps. I'm not a great lover of them, but just have them on whilst I do my stuff. Whilst Eastenders goes from bad to worst, Corrie just hits the light fantistico. If you say last nights episope you will know what I mean. Maybe the best bit of TV this year. There we have Gail and Eileen street fighting over Todds gayness, the boys brother turns up in checked shirt and hard hat. Bang on cue Gail pipes up ...

"Oh here come the rest of the Village People."

For that split second time stood still. A very clever piece of writing and executed spot on. You had to see it to appreciate that I mean, but hey ho.

Curbs is a scouser ... watch this space.

I got some serious sleep last night, about 10 hours in all. I was feeling my full 27 years I can tell you. Another bank holiday approaches, more party nights me thinks. Specially if Palace get thumped.

It's the Chelsea flower show this week. There are a few programmes on tonight that I might catch. Diarmuid's Big Adventure can't be missed.

I still haven't seen Kill Bill Volume 2. There is never enough time to do all my sh'te.

Oh and Billie Pipper is Dr Whos new assistant .... don't make me laugh.

My tune of the day: Let's Get Happy - Mass Order

Umph ... there it is !!!!

So we conquered Blackpool, and didn't have to sit on a minibus for 6 hours. The flight is just so good, 25 minutes in the air. We were sitting tucking into breakfast at 9 on saturday morning whilst the two buses crawled up the M6. I knew where I wanted to be.

We even made young James take a 10 minute oxygen course. Now there is a oppening in the market here ... watch this space!!!

So the Wall took a tonking, and I didn't have to watch any of it. Old man Wise was up to his usual tricks, the pinching the skin under your arms etc, etc. Quality eh Dennis.

There's also a piece in the Mirror today about how grim the South is ... yeah bollcocks.

My tune of the day: I say a little prayer - Aretha Franklin

Oh I do like to be beside the sea side ...

Blackpool rocks ...!!!

So they interviewed Audley Harrison regarding Millwalls match tomorrow. I'm not sure why, he's a West London bwoy so would be more of an R, but hey. Anyway back to Audley, who said with a glint in his eye ...

"It's like a cup final for Millwall ..."

WHOOOOOOSH.

I'm going to do a Spin class today after missing my Thursday at the gym yesterday. It's great at lunchtime ... some nice bottoms and stuff. I'm going to have to work out a programme though. I need something to achieve ... or maybe I'm talking bollies.

So Becks is staying in Spain, his Mrs is on her way. Curbs is off to Scouseland, Paulo has been shown the door, and boxes are for shoes. Anyone want to be Ian Huntleys minder ... ??? Thought NOT!!!

It was a bit strange yesterday when the talk in the office was of Joey Deacon. Now I'm sure some of you remember and some don't. Anyway the bosses didn't so we had to explain to them what all the fuss was about. It all stems from Ernie who used to understand what Joey said, and from this came his book ...

Have you seen that pic in the sun of the girl Lordan with the blokes sucking their fingers ... quality. That's my job in Blackpool this weekend, to get as many of those shots as poss. I'll see if I can post them ere next week ... BE GOOD

My tune of the day: Open Up - Free Radicals

Queer Eye for the straight guy .... ??

What's that all about? Surely washing, moisturising, looking good is a personal choice not a sexual need. If you want to use Wrights Coal Tar soap, so be it. Who am I to tell you otherwise. But it does make me laugh.

So the FA Cup final creeps up on us, and I actually wonder if anyone cares!! Do you remember growing up, when the FA Cup final would have beenone of the only live matches on TV. Given that they also showed FA Cup It's a Knock out, Matstermind and Alf Garnett, we were in for a treat. As a kid you would look forward to this match on a summers day, reds against yellows. But now who actually cares? I'll be in Blackpool 'avin it, so not me.

It's also nearly June, half way through the year ... now that is scary. They could make a bleedin movie about it, or even about Kevin Everests sexual fantasies. I got a text from Kev at 1:27 this morning, but given that he is in Sweden it could be any time. It said ... and I quote:

"I am surrounded by very hot swedish girls, I wish life was fair but it isn't try and deal with that"

Hmm, thanks Kev. Now if you had seen some of these Swedish very hot gals he hangs round with, you would know what the Rock is cooking.

My tune of the day: It's yours - John Cutler

It's raining, it's pouring ...

Well there you go. Last night around 11ish the heavens opened. Unfortunately I was inside at the time and the downpour was coming from the ceiling and through the walls. Given that the upstairs property is empty, "Houston we have a problem". Thames Water were useless, my Home Emergency Insurance didn't really help much. So after 45 minutes of watching my hall way fill up I had to take action. Armed with a wrench I got to the Thames Water stop cock in Hither Green Lane and turned all the water off. Oh how we laughed. NOT. Now I have to deal with all the insurance companies, red tape, managing agents. Would you credit it.

So it's West Sham against the Nigels in Cardiff next Saturday. Talk about another match that I won't bother taking in. Luckily there are loads of things for me to do. Like watch some paint dry .... :)

I've just been looking at the Sun. The newspaper thang not the red ball in the sky. What's that Elaine Lordan all about? I'm sure Kev said she was his ideal bird ... I'm sure he did.

So are you all going to see that new film Song 9 ... ???? Yea right.

My tune of the day: Kiss, kiss, kiss - Ananda Project

Those bleedin' Nigels ...

So there we have it Crystal Palarse are in the play off final. Great!!! Sunderland threw it away, they had the cat in the bag. Oh well, bang goes another night out ooop North. Put it this way, I knew PalARSE where gonna win it when the commentator mentioned that Sunderland had only previously lost one penalty shoot out, and we know when that was.

So P****R didn't make it into Svens squad. He's made the backup party tho'. Laugh, I nearly lost control of my bowels.

I received a £20 HMV voucher this morning. It was for an on-line questionaire I had filled out regarding the Metro newspaper. Great stuff eh, it took me 10 mins to fill out and I get £20. Now what CD do I want to buy ... oh decisions, decisions.

It's back up to Blackpool this Saturday on Giles stag doo. He did mention that we had access to Heaven and Hell. I would say that that is more like Hell in Blackpool. Apart from that it should be interesting.

I got my badges this morning. 150 of them. Keep your eyes peeled.

My tune of the day: Juicy Fruit - MTUME

We won a match, we won a match, eee iiii adio ...

Yes, we've only waited 20 years, but by gawd they finally gone and done it. Poor old Southampton, where like lambs to the slaughter. Er, really ... NOT.

ADDED TO THE FACT THAT MY KITCHEN WAS FINISHED OFF AND THE WARDROBES WHERE ACTUALLY BUILT THIS HAS BEEN A VERY GOOD WEEKEND. (I'll shout that again shall I ..!!!!)

The kitchen is looking good. Matching worktop and splashback, sharp edges and a clean oven. I think I may cook myself something fancy tonight, like Steak Diane, or Beef Wellington.

The wardrobes are huge. I'm thinking I might be able to get all me old stuff in there, but in reality that ain't gonna be the case. I need to go to IKEA and get some plastic basket thangs for me socks, because I didn't get any draws. Do I buy a draw unit or what, let me know what you think :)

The sun is shinning today, horray. I can eat my strawberries and cream with a smile on my face. Although I've just seen a giant cloud on the horizon. Everest must be on his way back to blighty.

Hello, to all the new people reading this .... whooooosh indeed.

My tune of the day: Oye Como Va - Santana

What is it ...

With blokes that don't wash their hands after they have had a pish ... ??????? Unbelievable !!!

My tune of the day: All I wanna give you - Shazz

In the Wonderland Zoo ...

Is it me or does the Maxine Carr paper stealing episode not quite ring true ...?? What are the chances of her release details etc, etc being in the back of a car. Exactly!!!!

I was reading through the Metro this morning and two things stood out. An ad telling us all about Improvements to the West Coast Railway, or to be exact details of weekend engineering works, great eh, and then details of how Gary Lucy bought the wrong item at an auction. He bought some rugs instead of an old Paul Weller guitar. That's definately a head shaker.

So lets put our hands up if we use skin moisturiser ... ??? Bernie???? Williams??? No thought not ...

So what has Jimmy Hill gone and done. Well he's only come out in support of Big Ronald. To quote our Jimmy, he says "In that context, you wouldn't think that words like n*gg*r were particularly insulting: it would be funny. Without meaning to insult any black men, it's us having fun. What about people who make jokes about my long chin? I mean, n*gg*r is black - so we have jokes where we call them niggers because they're black. Why should that be any more of an offence than someone calling me chinny? "

Yes indeed ... read it and weep. What's the world coming to eh???? Oh and I'll get me coat ...

Tune of the day: Teacher don't teach me no sense - Fela Kuti

*S*uper *H*ero *I*n *T*raining

You know, reality bites!!! Or it should do. Some people indeed live in cloud cuckoo land, but that's up to them. The train turned up this morning, packed. When I say packed, I mean PACKED. I squeezed on, put on my headphones and then had some lardy geezer try and push his way on. As he did he was shouting "move down, move down ..." Some people eh, go on a diet you muppet.

So the weekend is now a distant memory, so what next to look forward to? A night out in Greenwich on Saturday?? The following weekend in Blackpool, the bank holiday??? It's not all bad is it.

So what's the deal with on-line dating. Do people not have interpersonal skills anymore. You know, initial eye contact, a smile ... a flirt, can I get the number. No sod that, let me get my old bill out on a webcam .... come on, play the game.

Poor old Ray Parlour. He's being taken to the cleaners by his missus. Laugh, I nearly choked on my French toast.

Oh, and Bjorn again are apearing before the match on Saturday. So we'll be in the pub right up to kick off. ABBA SCHMABBA.

My tune of the day: Living in Ecstacy - Fonda Rae

Wake up and smell da cwoffffeeee ...

Blimey people ... a week off and your sorry excuses for lives a just that little bit sadder.

I've just completed a 5 day binge. Blackpool, Southport ... it's all good. I'm trying to get some pics, but then again why should I show you ... !!!!

I'm sitting here with a great big smile on my face ... there are some top people out there, and they have open minds ... you hear me Kev ...

Respect out to all those in the know, including the Carlisle posse, the Grimsby Gals, you all rock.

I would like to thank myself for being great, coming up with the rosette idea, having style, grace ... a sense of purpose, being great ...

I've also been told I talk to much about Charlton on here ... you have to laugh tho', they aren't worth talking about at the moment ... so I'll file that one.

My tune of the day - Strings of Life - Soul Central (Danny Kravit mix)

In out, in out ... shake it all about

So who was the last player to leave the supporters doo Sunday night. Can you guess? Go on ... go on ...???

Well I may tell ya tomorrow, after you have had a few guesses. It was good to see Smudge cutting some shapes on the dance floor. It's a shame his wonky arm meant he couldn't do the worm across the dance floor. Oh well.

I actually won a signed Charlton shirt in the raffle. It has Glynne Snodin on it, but no Paulo. Oh well. That's the first thing I've won in years, if you take out the dancing contest back in Liverpool in 2002. That ones for you Mr Chick.

I had a mad one at the weekend. Went straight from footie to Ministry, then onto a boat party then straight onto the CAFC doo. By that stage I was fnuked. Big up to the usual crowd. It was a good doo.

It's rained cats and dawgs today. What's that all about.

My tune of the day: Make my dreams a reality - Steely Dan

It may be raining outside ...

Ain't it just. Raining, it's pishing down. Roll on the Bank Holiday weekend, the cricket season, Southport Weekender ... Bernies barbecue. Oh, I doubt I'd get an invite to the last one ...ya dig.

So Jamaica are playing Ireland and Nigeria at the Valley. That actually made me laugh out loud. Given that I had traveled to Ninian Park to watch the Reggae Boyz back in 98, if I attend one of their matches I can say that I have seen Jamaica more times than Hingerland the land of ma birt. Butt then again Williams has a bond at the Munich municipal.

So Google are going to float. I've heard you can get some of the shares on ebay. As well as used coseyfits and pack enhancers.

So what's the consensus about those army torture pictures? It doesn't seem quite right to me, but I'm sure some peeps think it was justified.

Here's one for you. Why are man-hole covers round? Come on you must know that?

Oh and you lot need to get fitter. Five bouts of exercise a week. I can see it now.

My tune of the day: Losing You - King Kooba

Old King Cole .... a merry ol' soul ????

So they are rippin' out my kitchen ... well so the phone conversation went. And a hole in the wall ... hmmm ... lets hope it gets sorted eh ...!!!!!

I'm at a wine tasting tonight. Oh so very civilised.I say that, but it never ends up that way. Lets have 15 glasses of wine and spit them all out ... YEAH. Ain't happening is it.

It's raining out. I hung some washing out on tuesday for the first time this year ... and guess what happened :) Oh well.

I'm so bored .. it hurts.

My tune of the day: F**k da Police - NWA

On me 'ed son ....

There I am skipping through the Metro as I stand lazily on the Circle line. Page 13, unlucky? Maybe!!! How do you blow a raspberry by text???? Have I missed something here? Why would I want to? There are about 8 relies all telling you. From a ;oppppp to a rssssssp. A *rasp* to a *thrrrrp*.

I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO GET OUT A BIT MORE !!!!!

Then, on the same page, some one from Sheffield says we should have (as in like da country) a referendum on ID cards. Add that one to the EU referendum, the one about the Congestion charge and whether tea goes with fish and chips. *thrrrrrrrp*

I ran for 3 miles this morning, on a bleedin treadmill. I would say at the end my will to live was somewhat diminished. My mind wondered from work, through to Charlton's formation on Saturday to the big pants the girl in front of me had on. *rasp*

It's Tedmundos 6th birthday tomorrow. How time flies!!! He's only 21 years behind me ...:-*

supposedly Charlton are off to China for a two game tour in July. Now that is RED ARMY. thbpt

My tune of the day:Raspberry Beret - Prince

Dear Deidre ...

Sex in a car park, not daring enough, virgin who loves saucy texts. Go on' Deidre.You got it going on girl.. But have you seen the Casebook?? It don't happen, trust me.

So Mr Jim Bennett from Leeds says that the Race Relations Board made a fuss over bIG fAT rON'S comments. They are not there for name calling!!!!Mr Bennett is follically challenged and is always getting called a bald-headed so and so. Comments Mr Williams?? Oh and Jane Fazackerly from Cheltenham says the comments where made out of frustration - she then says there is a difference.

Oh ...

I spent 3 hours clearing out my kitchen last night. Today they should have been installing a new one. Come twelve oclock I'm told the worktop aint arrived. So it will be in a few more days. Blimey, it's never easy.

I've just realised it's the first cricket match of the season this coming Sunday. Plus the CAFC Player of the Year doo, i'm gonna be knackered.

My tune of the day: Twighlight - Maze featuring Frankie Beverley

The Industrial North ....We

Well I'm back. In one piece, just about. The drive up listening to Charlton sucumb to Foolham wasn't too good. But apart from that. The sun shone, the drink flowed and the women ... well they were women.

We got a room in Jesmond. Right in the middle of those bars. The ones where the neuveaux riche hang out. You get the picture. This was a Matt Owen sort of place not a Batnie Rubbell one. Vodka tonics were the order of the day and the juice was flowing as the party started right. Put it this way, alls good in da toon. Ya get me !!!!

Right, onto the football. The banquetting at St James Park is outstanding. Dolly Birds dishing up frois gras for the heards. Including Pater Beardsley, Gazza, Ray Wilkins, a Keith Harris lookey likey. The Chels looked the part as they started the game with a bang, and even without the PFA Young Player of the Year, they had Joe Cole pulling the strings. Then it just all seemed to go wrong. Two passes couldn't be strung together, Desailly looked his age and the tinkerman looked like he had tinkered once too often. As for Hernan Crespo, £18 mill ... YOU'RE 'AVIN A LAFF.

The sun is shining and as they say all is good.

My tune of the day: Living for the City - Stevie Wonder

High ho, high ho ...

Well it's St Georges day. So lets all celebrate.

Ray Houghton, what a mug. I listened to him on Talk sport last night. Indeed ...

The sun is shining. The sky is blue ... it's just a shame that there's nowt here to spoil my view. I thought it was funny.

Off to Newcastle this weekend. A night on the pish, I'm gonna go watch the boy Parker on Sunday. Here's to 3 points eh, Scotty ... now that has made me laugh.

From there I'm going over to Blackpool and having Sunday night there. Who needs Vegas eh ????

So they are saying Paulo has had enough, laugh ... ??? No not me, get to the back of the cue Paulo.

My tune of the day: A place in the sun - Frankie Feliciano

Big Phat Ron ...

So there you have it. Big Ron Atkinson must be a member of the Charlton Athletic e-mail list. Well what with his views anyway. You see Ron, as he tells us has done as anyone to help Black footballers - he played Cyrille, Laurie and Brendan in the West Brom team of the 80's. So Big Ron helped them by playing them in his team. Er, they weren't there on merrit, he was actually making a stand for integration. Yeah right. Anyway here we have Big Ron, a celebrated football face, columnist, broadcaster. After watching Chelsea throw away a great opportunity against Monaco he sees fit to let rip at Marcel Desailly. So what do you think he would say ... hmmmm ... well if you don't know, here goes -

" A f**ing lazy big n****r"

Work that one out then. Then we have Ron telling us he hasn't got a racist bone in his body. Typical of some of the idiots I have come across in my 27 years. But he'll still use the "N" word. That's all good then.

Oh did you see the Makelele tumble? It's just not cricket.

So Narwich City have been promoted. That mean good old Matt Svensson will be back at the Valley next season. This is the Matt Svensson who spent time in a red shirt lolloping about not really doing anything. Now he says that it's so good to play in a team that plays football, not like the stuff they play at Charlton. It suits him better to play football. Blimey ... Matty son, get wid da programme.

Plans are still up in the air as to whether I go to Foolham on Saturday or to Newcastle for the weekend. It's all go, go ... go.

My tune of the day: Musicology - Prince

Just Say No ...

No it's not the old Grange Hill song ... it's what the Sun says about the EU dream. Don't hand power over to Brussels, I'm not so sure that this would happen anyway, but hey.

So the Tinkerman, tinkered just a bit too much last night. I think he actually lost it and as good as a victory against the Arse was this was ..., er, funny.

Well Charlton made their yearly trip to Old Trafford and rolled over. Now I'm not having a go here, but it's the same every time. Maybe some tactical variance wouldn't go a miss ... but we all know Curbs don't we.

Rebecca Loos turned up at the Kill Bill Prem. I would say that her pic in the papers this morning don't do her much credit, but I'm sure the likes of Bern, and Kev would have a go. NO CLASS !!!!

Talking of film prems, why do people want to stand in the rain and watch people go into the cinema. Every premier Leicester Square gets packed. I just don't get it ...!!!!

And whilst I'm on it, why when I am walking up a flight of stairs and reach half way does someone want to walk down the stairs and walk on my side? We then have a stand off at 10 paces ... I ain't moving.

My consignment of rosettes turned up this morning ... watch this space.

Also I'm not sure we needed the A5 size pic of Gloria Hunniford in our papers this morning. Now to me a funeral should be about personal grief and showing this is just ... crap.

I can't wait for Jordans autobiography ... you know it makes sense.

Oh, and the Sun have said that David Beckhams bandana thingy has got tongues wagging. They say that he was saying "I'm wearing boxer shorts!!!" Well we know that ain't true, don't we?? It was all on here yesterday, so please keep up.

My tune of the day: Non-stop to Brazil - Astrud Gilberto

David Beckham ....

Well now we know??? David Beckham is heavily into receiving S&M. How do we know?? Well Davey wore a black bandana in his left pocket, easy ain't it.

And Littlejohn has never heard of a bloke shaving his privates. Blimey Kev there are two of you. Hello Mr Littlejohn, it's been happening for years. Wise up.

And whilst we are on Littlejohn accordingly Kevin Spacey is a fag.

It's the premier for Kill Bill Vol 2 this evening. I enjoyed Vol 1 and will be going out of my way to catch Vol 2, but do you know he is making Vol 3. Yeah in 2019. Great planning eh ????

Poor old Diego. He's critically ill in hospital and I don't think any person in England gives a fig. A shame really for such a talent to be remembered for that moment.

I'm going to try out a Body Jam class at lunch time. Wish me luck ... all thoses lycra clad hunnies and me ....

Oh and the boys are away at UManU tonight ... gawd help us ...

My tune of the day: Green and Gold - Roy Ayres

Keep on running ...

Here's a question ... why. oh why do they shut the Blackwell tunnel at Weekends (well at night anyway.) It took me a freaking hour to get back from Hackney last night. I had to dodge the muppets all jockying to get to the Rotherhithe and then proceed at 15 miles an hour through the damn place. It wasn't good.

I had a weekend on the pish over in Plaistow, well near enough Upton Park. There was a Sikh march/ celebration on Sunday, not sure what that was all about.

I got to the Valley on Saturday still in the same clothes as I had worn on Friday night. I had a couple of badges on the lapel of my jacket. I was then told they were similar to the old gay rainbow thingamy. So was I saying I was gay. Everest would love that ... but what he has to realise is that some people are not threatened, and it's not me that has been getting recent editions of Corrie shipped to Sweden.

So Becks has confessed. Or not for that matter. I would have been quite funny if he had texted Posh a full and frank confession. I can then see Posh as she scrabbles around for the News of the World number to put the record straight. Unbelievable.

Does anyone want to buy a Von Dutch hat? In Norwich green and yellow colours. I can't be seen in one, not after a few drinks over at Wanstead on Sat. Bloody hell.

I got a text from James on Saturday. He said was the Charlton/ Brum game any good. Blimey, talk about waste 20p.

Has anyone seen Kirsty Gallacher's tats in the paper today ... good work.

By all sense and purposes Michelle McManus' career is over ... career?????

Oh, and the No Party are going to win the next election ...

My tune of the day: Chances Going Round - First Choice

Oh well ...

I take it that is a no then .... ????

My tune of the day: Gypsy Woman - Crystal Waters

Is there anybody out there ....

Do I write this for myself ... does anyone actually read this????

I'm just double checking really ....

My tune of the day: Playing your game baby - Barry White

Another day ...

You know what ...?? I've got writers block!!!

My tune of the day: Golden Years - Loose Ends

Champions League ... you're 'avin a laff ...

Sang Chrissy Powell as he jogged round the Anfield pitch yesterday ... Allegedly. Quality stuff if it was true.

Oh have I mentioned Brian Lara scored a new world record 400 runs not out. I sat down and watched him do it yesterday. Absolutely unbelievable. Yes England have wrapped up the series but it has been good to see the smug faces actually come back to some sort of reality. If I had been Brian I would have carried on batting, all 5 bleedin days ... that would have got the papers talking.

Oh and Charlton beat Liverpool ... 1-0. Only in America, unbelievable ... Siddddaaaaaaannnnnn ...

Well the Easter has come and gone. And I've done absolutely nothing. Oh how we laugh.

My tune of the day: I don't like cricket - 10cc

We've got Paulo, we've got Paulo ...

Blimey, I am so looking forward to the football on Saturday. I just want to go to a match. But I can see the outcome now!!!! Yes us Charlton supporters have been there, done that.

So Milan lost. Oh dear, Chelsea could be European kings .... how funny is that???

It's another Easter weekend, so that mean four days on the piss. I do need to cut down on my alcohol consumption. Okay, maybe I don't.

So what are people planning to do this weekend? Leave me a message ...

My tune of the day: Who needs love - Incognito

It WAS my b'day

Blimey ... how much can one man drink??? Now that is a question.

I spent about 2 hours yesterday trawling the City trying to find Sticky Toffee Pudding. No luck. I ended up with Italian Cheesecake.

So I found out this morning that Chels beat the Ass. Whoopy doo. I for one ain't that bothered about any of it. I'm more bothered about the £500 electricity bill I received. Bloody British Gas.

It's football on Saturday. I haven't been to a game in ages ... or it seems like it. And they say that they play too many games ... yeah right.

I am looking out the window and it's quite depressing. No sunshine, no short skirts ...

My 3G phone has been repaired and returned. Well we will have to see if it makes any difference...

My tune of the day: Lovely Day - Bill Withers

It's ma b'day ...

Well there you go ... 27 ;) it is.

I watched England Expects last night. What I made of it I'm not too sure. It was the usual stuff about racism and all that, but I didn't get the story. Following that there has been a thread on the Charlton email list regarding the comment about a refs turban slipping over his eyes, as he didn't give a pen. All very funny you may think ... or not as the case may be. Let's put it like this, we are indeed living in the 21st century. I don't need to hear jokes about turbans, potatoes or David Beckham. It's not PC, it's just me being me. Some people do though, but why they have to bring it to a public forum is anyone's guess. What do you think Rav??

I've got a half days leave today. I do think that some drinking will be done this afternoon. Starting off around America Square then onwards and upwards ... it's V&T's all the way.

Rebecca Loos ... would you ???

My tune of the day: I believe in a thing called love - Lemar

Things can only get better ...

Sang D:Ream back in the 90's. Yeah right, and there are such things as flying pigs, Spinksey didn't have the biggest spot ever seen in Scotland and Becks ain't contemplated shagging around.

So Millwall made it to Wembley (yes I know it's Cardiff, but hey) and England won the series. What a weekend!!! I sat in Yates in Lewisham on Sat watching UManU beat the Goners, and in my front room yesterday watching Wall beat the Makems. What do they say ... "Only in America".

And now David Beckham has been shagging Rebecca Loos. Or so says his chauffeur, come-bodyguard. Oh no I mean his EX chauffeur, come-bodyguard. EX indeed. So he's not looking for some extra money along the way. Get over it. There's a transcript in the Sun of a text conversation Becks had with this bird. Now any person with a bit of common would realise it's a load of bollies. There wasn't one M8, GR8, LOL, or TXT BAC. He supposedly text things like "Where do you want to feel me the most". Oh come off of it, it's so laughable.

And have you seen the latest pics of Eric Cantona. Quality, absolute quality. If Vilhelm sees them this must be his new look. It's gotta be.

I didn't get to the Ideal Home Exhibition at the weekend. So much for planning eh. Oh well I'm 27 tomorrow ...

My tune of the day: Can't get away from you - Mood 2 Swing

It may be winter outside, but in my heart it's spring ...

Well one minute it's cold, the next it's warm, then it's cold, then it rain, it's warm ... Etcetera, etcetera. What's that all about, eh ???

I have reached 100 contacts on my MSN messenger. I really think I don't know half of them, or have forgotten who they are, but I don't want to delete them just in case. I only talk to a few people on there, but it really is a good real time business tool, it's a shame that most companies won't allow it, think firewall!!!!

I sent my latest mobile phone back to the service provider yesterday. The bleedin thing kept dropping calls and buzzing. I got caught up in the whole 3G thang and signed up. I told them in no uncertain terms that unless they provide me with a fully working mobile phone then the contract is null and void and I will go elsewhere. Unfortunately Three have outsourced their call centre to Bombay and I can't understand a word they say. I might have to get Rav on the case.

It's another weekend and there are a few things I am considering. Sunday is the last day of the Ideal Home Show and I was thinking to popping long. Although I would miss Millwall in the cup. There's also a new Vivian Westwood exhibition at the V&A. Now that has got to be worth a look. Although I'm thinking that most of the people I know would be more at home at a M&S exhibition. You know who you are.

I was just reading the Metro. It appears to have been Chris Tarrants last day at Crapital. Oh my ...

My tune of the day: On & On - Erykah Badu vs The Turbomen -

Changing rooms my arse ...

Well I'm back. I've had 3 days decorating. 3 bleedin days up and down ladders, covered in paint. Although I have had a rad fitted to my conservatory. I'm now thinking of false ceilings and new kitchens. Oh happy days.

The best thing about the whole decorating experience though, was no PC access. How good is that. No sitting in front of fuzzy screens looking at emails from people who can't speill!!!

And did anyone watch that England match last night? Oh Matt and Jeff. I do hope you enjoyed yourselves. A trip to Sweden to watch a load of old Charlton boys running round aimlessly. They can do that in a Charlton shirt, but hey.

The suns shining. Summer is on its way and I will be looking good. I've got a few new outfits so I can't wait.

Oh and I' 27 next Tuesday ... keep up.

My tune of the day: Fly - Crazy Penis