It's raining, it's pouring ...

It's the middle of June and it's raining. It's so depressing, I want a nice sunny day, skimpy dresses, la-las on tap, cold beer ... cricket. Is it too much to ask for?

Right, I've fully recovered from my frantic weekend. The old Rumble at the Pally, well I say rumble with my tongue firmly in my cheek. Poor old Audley, well I say poor but I doubt it. I had 8 hours kip last night after watching the Italians get shunted out. I didn't even dream I had been watching Americans do kinky stuff with their pets, thank god.

I had a call today from T Mobile offering me an upgrade. I ask you. They are taking the proverbial. I told them 4 months ago that I would not be renewing after 9 years, but still they offer me some hopeless deal. Yeah a new phone. I'm all phoned out. I want a phone that is the size of a postage stamp, gives me 100 hours free talk time, doesn't slip down the side of the setee ... and makes the coffee. Now I might have to ask Orange.

Honestly I need some advice on new phones!!! If anyone knows of a good one I should be using, drop me a line ... please.

I've just realised I need to go to Allied Carpets on Saturday morning. To choose a new carpet for the hall. Given that the last one was ruined by a flood from upstairs, maybe I should get a plastic one. Or a water slide ... now that would be good.

I'm out at my Salsa class tonight ... hey, they don't call me snake hips for nothing.

My tune of the day: Stupidisco - Junior Jack

Whooooooosh .......

Yes England won, but all the euphoria was ruined by that programme on Channel Four last night. All about shagging animals. Bleedin hell ... I thought Monty Python was bad !!!!

Oh and Tim just scrapped through ....

My tune of the day: Hell is round the corner - Tricky

England, my England ...

To quote William Ernest Henley, well ... I though it was Rooneys England. Let's watch the boy wonder go tonight ... should be fun.

I did in fact make my way to the Ally Pally on Saturday night to see Audley do his stuff. I would say that it was a tad disappointing, nine rounds of mediocre heavyweight boxing, but what do I know. The afterparty was good though, in fact I didn't get home til 9:30 Sunday night. Now that is funny.

I've just been reading the paper and see that the Intertoto cup has kicked off. Aberystwyth and Cork both played. Not sure what the point in it is, but hey.

I've also realised that I've been buying lots of stuff on ebay recently. I think it hit home when the miniture wind up robot arrived from Hong Kong. Why, I'm not sure? It must have been one of those moments ... well thats what I'm saying anyway. However I have had a few results. The black and pink Nike trackie, the Vintage Fred Perry blazer, a couple of classic wrestling teeshirts. I will be dapper this summer.

It's the longest day today, midsummers day. So get your pagan gear on and spread the word.

Matt Owens cleaner is on holiday for the next two weeks ... thanks for the email telling me Matt. Some people have too much spare time.

My tune of the day: Why I came to California - Leon Ware

Ere we go, ere er go ...

So we are going to conquer the world. We are going to murder the Croats, smash the Greeks, spit in the face of the Italians ...er, no maybe not.

I thought we were pony, but hey what do I know.

Well it all kicked off in the Big Brother house. Good job to. I'm sure I would have been kicked out within the first week. Oh how I wish .... ;)

It was said to me last night that thank god that all those Scousers had a shag 18-24 years ago. Well if you look at it he has a point. It was either hubcaps or shagging the missus. Even they got it right.

It's one of those days, when I aint really got a lot to say. I'm eating strawberries, so I will wish you a good weekend ...

My tune of the day: Tell me all about it - Natalie Cole

Tiny Knobs of Football Yobs ...

Was one of the headlines in the Sun today. Given that on the pitch Everest is the BIGGEST YOB ... has he got the smallest KNOB??? Answers on a postcard if you please.

So we are only a few hours from the England shirt being in the sale section of the sports shop. Blimey, they have to beat the Swiss. What with their army knives, cuckoo clocks and stuff. They even have Stephan Henchoz. I'm not sure if it has an "f" in it .. but hey.

I still can't get my head around Big Brother. Maybe thats the point. I even looked up the website today, but it was down. Maybe a mad rush ... but I doubt it.

It appears it all kicked off in there last night, they even had to call in security ... now thats got to be worth watching. Somehow though, I thinbk we are all being taken for a ride ... so shop a job, it's got to be Marco.

Don't you just hate calls from withheld numbers? What's that all about ... !!!

It's been said I moan to much ... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

My tune of the day: ICU - Ananda Project

Vote Victor ...

Go on you know you want to !!!!!

I still can't get over what I saw last night. Hot on the heels of Big Bros was a programme called Sex with Strangers. Bloody hell. They showed lesbo action and stuff. Quality viewing.

Oh, I've just realised I'm going to a Salsa class tonight. How did that happen? I think I need to get them there hips moving. It's at 6:45 ... pah. I'll have to do a spin class before.

More fighting in Portugal. Hmmmm ... now there's a surprise.

Blimey there's a 19 year old selling his virginity on Ebay. He's currently got a bid for over £6k, now come on Kev ... I'll split it with you, we can sell yours to an international market.

My tune of the day: Reach - Kenny Bobien

Big Brotha ...

I've just watched tonights episode. What the FCUK???

What is this programme about? How much would I just like to stick a hot poker up most of their arses? How can it be that Victor seems like the most sensible one on there? What the fcuk!!!!

My Book of the day: To have and have not - Ernest Hemmingway

Whoops there it is ... !!!

Sorry, I've just eaten a big bowl of strawberries and cream. I did say this morning that I would lay off the cream, but I couldn't resist. It's not big and it's not clever ... but it's so scrummmmmy .....

I went to the gym at lunch time. Maybe the hottest day of the year and I was Spinning for all I was worth. I don't usually sweat, I perspire ... but when I had finished it was like I had been swimming. I then followed that class up with the FAB class. (It's Fabulous Abs and Bums for all the uninitiated.) That's why I've just had the strawberries ... comfort.

I'm still reading of all the disturbances throughout England following that penalty. However I do think they were dancing on the streets of Raith!!!!

Just a quick point, does anyone know where my forum is? Since I set the new one up NO ONE has posted a thing. Blimey, come on people let me know what you think, OH MAYBE NOT.

I've just read about the Alexander Technique (AT) ... the secret to a great posture. Hmmmm ... maybe I should look into this.

My tune of the day: Flying High - Byron Stingley

Allez les bleus

As they say in Croydon ...

Well, I'm not sure I want to go into much detail, but what was that all about. Typically, people who don't give a 4X about football are crying this morning. SH*TE happens, and it wasn't Emile Heskys fault.

Strictly Come Dancing, poor old Claire Sweeney. There she was, shaking for all she was worth, and the public didn't like it. Never mind Claire ....

I think I may be going to see Audley this Saturday. At the Ally Pally, blimey North London sucks.

I've just realised it's mid June and I haven't played any Cricket yet. I need to get out in the fresh air and turn my arm over. Oh well ... the West Indies are over soon. I may get a call up.

Croatia v Switzerland, what was that all about???? It was like watching paint dry. The greatest sporting event in the world, yep .. that'll be it.

I actually put the hoover round this weekend. I rock, staying in to do some hoovering and ironing. At least my jeans have the creases in the right place now ... pick that one out the net.

My tune of the day: Love Is Gonna Save The Day - Georgie Porgie

** RIP **

I don't want to say much today even with France/ England on Sunday. Yesterday was a sad day with the loss of Ray Charles.

Rest in peace Ray.

Tune of the day: I can't stop loving you - Ray Charles

Vote, vote ... VOTE

Come on people, get out there and put your "X" in the box. You know it makes sense!!!

Oh and quote to beat all quotes from Palarses Any Johnson ... "We've answered a lot of answers today and this is the icing under the cake." Thanks Andy.

So sunday creeps ever so nearer, and the French must be quaking in those boots. Come on the roast beef ... lets stick it up 'em.

Strawberries and double cream ... a dream. Sod wimbledon tho', what's that all about??

Well the suns gone in today, and there's me in a linen shirt and straw hat. Oh very cuban ... in the rain.

My tune of the day: Back in the day - Frankie Knuckles

Three Lions on me eggs ...

Or not as the case may be. So the grumpy FA don't want to put the three lions on eggs for Euro 04. Bah humbug!!!

Why is it that when I wear flip-flops to work someone always treads on my feet. There was I, happily standing in the train aisle as we pull into New Cross. Whooosh as Mr Blobby stumbles in and right on my toes. Ouch ... !!! It never rains ...

So I hope you have all gone out and had your eyes tested ... NO, blimey. Oh and another thing, never go back to the bouncy castle, NEVER.

So we didn't get in the UEFA Cup. No back door entry 'ere. Oh well better luck next year ...

My tune of the day: Brotherly Love - Bobby & Steve

Too hot to handle ....

So there I am, reading th Sun on the way to work and Jennifer Ellison says she has had sex in the most outrageous of places. The kitchen and the bathroom. Blimey, hold on girl ... you may get to do it in the living room next. She then says she has a high sex drive, but is too scared to do it outdoors ... she's paranoid about CCTV cameras.

Whooooosh ...

So tonight is the UEFA fair play draw. Two places, twelve teams ... can't see it happening myself, but you have to hold onto thoses little bits of hope.

So the English footie team have landed in Portugal, with their hamper of rice pudding, malt loaf, salad cream and trampolines. TRAMPOLINES, blimey I can see Becks now. Maybe not.

What a day yesterday in the sun eh. The sun shone, the trains fcuked up, all da bigtatty gals were out and about. Heaven in the afternoon eh, quality.

How often do people get their eyes tested? I haven't for a couple of years now, so I may have to go and sort it. It's one of those things.

My tune of the day: Money don't mean a thing - Dwele

A quiet moment ...

In reality it can all get lost in the mundane lives we live. But the 60 year anniversary of the D-Day landings did bring it home a little bit. Shame on Prince Andrew who was golfing up at St Andrews. Whooooosh.

So Hells kitchen has finished, so the world can move onto Big Bro. Not for me, Victor what's that all about. Gods gift ... er, I think not.

Why do people go on funfair rides. Another one collapsed. Not a pretty sight. I think popcorn would be enough for me ... oh and some candy floss.

Did you know the most fuel efficient crusing speed for cars in 55mph. Blimey, if only eh. And don't run the rear window heater.

Am I the only one who thinks big up to Abi Titmus. Go on gal ... lesbian romp ... you have to laugh.

Oh and make sure you watch God is black tonight on 4.

My tune of the day: Hooked on you - Cerrone

Oh well

I changed the layout and lost all my links/ webcounter and message board. I'm trying to sort it, so bare with me ...

WHOOOOSH

Get ya tats out, get ya tats out ...

So topless sunbathing is going out of fashion. More women are choosing fashionable swimwear and good grooming over letting it all hang out. Hmmmm, and then a week or so ago we were all talking about obesity. Don't the two go hand in hand.

Oi Michelle McManus ... keep that top on, I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR SAGGY TATS!!!

I bought some new feathers last night, from John Lewis. Feathers being the new rosettes. I may be losing it!!!

Luckily I was out last night, so I missed Big Brother. Result eh. Kitten my ass.

I was quite nice weather wise yesterday, but it rained ooop North. They only had a few overs at Headingley. Shame eh, it's Euro 96 SOON ... England are gonna win, I can feel it in my water, or they may lose to German in the Semi, er ... on pens. I can feel it, or is that just my Joselyn Brown impression? Who nose? Pinochiot!!!

Drum and Bass, what's that all about? Answers on a postage stamp to Goldie. I'm sure she died in the nineties leaving Simon Groom mortified.

My tune of the day:It's yours - John Cutler

5,4,3,2 .... er ... 1

I nearly succumbed. I watched 5 minutes of Big Brother, before I switched off. What a load of rubbish!!!

However Ally Ross in the Sun today has a good point. Kitten, hmmm ... says she was a prostitute ten years ago. What during the great prostitute shortage of 94!!!! Oh how we laughed.

Richard Rufus has had to retire. That may mean jack to a few of you, but it's a sad day down my road. Richard was, WAS (now that is a bitch) quality. That header at Wembley, what a moment. He even got me some tickets at Tranmere and Bury. What a man ...good luck Rooooof.

Sven says that the players were too tired to beat Japan. Hmmm ... WTF!!!

Oh and go down Boots and get your eyes examined. Ten squids, is good value ... you heard it here first.

Strawberries and cream, my favourite ... get in there.

My tune of the day: Walking in a Rufus Wonderland - The Cupboard End Choir

Stop the train, I want to get off ...

I've spoken at length about my train rides to work. Yawning, rucksacks, broadsheet papers, but this morning really took the biscuit. A woman, wearing headphones singing. She wasn't singing at the top of her voice, she was just singing. She had her eyes closed, so she knew what she was doing. Everyone else looked around in an awkward silence. Ho hum ...

I've just watched Freddie v Jason. What was it all about?

So England drew with Japan, but everything is rosey for the Euro Championships. Yeah right. Poor old Sven, he could have been Chelsea manager this morning. Laugh, I nearly played for CIFC.

Another trip to the gym today me thinks. I'm still hurting from yesterday but no pain, no gain.

My tune of the day: Found Love - Blaze

One born every minute ...

What is it with people? Always interupting, interacting when it's not wanted!!! There I was on the downward slope of a 2 day bender, when the Everest thinks his funny and send's lots of pointless text's listing crap old English cricketers. The point being it's his money, waste away blonde bwoy, but I was on my last bar, on the phone. I turned it off, waited 10 minutes, back on but still they came. Although he lost it when he had to name Ian Botham twice. What you only know 20 cricketers Kev ... muppet????

A quality weekend. Drinking, dancing, all the usual stuff you expect from us 27 year olds. Good day in 93 feet east on Sunday. But boy did my feet hurt.

The Unity cup has been won by Nigeria. Can't be bothered going tomorrow now, I'll stay in and do some housework. I rock.

Just back from a fabulous abs and buttocks class at the gym, followed by a spin class. I had difficulty walking back to the office. Not a pretty sight.

Oh and I off loaded about 70 badges at the weekend. I rock.

My tune of the day: Paris-Brooklyn with los Amigos - Dimitri from Paris

Find a friend for the weekend ...

Another bank holiday. No football, cricket, or sunshine. So it looks like a pished weekend.

The Carlisle posse, well one of them has her eyes on a 22 year old. The South Hackney posse, well one of them has her eye's on a cheese maker from Liverpool.

What's the world coming to?

Tim has his eye's on Mush's bird ... whooooosh!!!!!

My tune of the day: Weekend - Class Action

Killed Bill ... volume two

So I went to see Volume two last night. Over at Greenwich film works. Me and a bag of McE-Dees. A strange carry on. It doesn't really fit with the pace of the first film. Yes, there is more dialect, more character interaction, but it just didn't fit. The continuity died. No pussy wagon, to quote "It died on me". That's rubbish. There' sgonna be a Volume 3 but in about 15 years, don't watch this space.

The papers are full of obesity warnings ... ah toooooo late. They want to get my train in the morning.

Oh, I've been invited to dinner with Princess Michael of Kent. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

And some muppet in the metro says that he is astounded by the amount of people in London, who put down their own city. Er, thats because they are in fact NOT from London. London is without doubt the best, quote me BEST goddam city in the world.

My tune of the day: Making love - Ron Trent

I'm really a "Nice Guy"

Thanks for that Dave ...!!!

I had one of those journeys to work. Some bloke wanted to wear his rucksack on his back, on a packed train. He then decided he wanted to turn every 2 minutes, so sent 10 people flying. Another idiot then wanted to yawn every 30 seconds. You get the picture, a dirty garlic yawn, no hand over the mouth. Then some bloke wanted to walk down the platform reading his book. What's that all about? I don't get it really ...

It's the champions league final tonight. When Jorge goes up to lift the Euro Cup ... we'll be there !!!!

Oh and Big Brother starts this Friday. I hate BB, but you know at some point I'll end up watching it ... I can't wait.

I'm just reading the front of the Metro about the artwork that was lost in the fire somewhere in London. There's a pic of Tracey Emin's tent emblazoned with the name of everyone she has had sex with. Hmmmm, it made me think. If Kevin Everest did one, would it just say "Myself" ?????

My tune of the day: We've Only Just Begun - The Monty Alexander Trio

Jellied Eels v Barm cakes ...

I would have to say that I do watch the soaps. I'm not a great lover of them, but just have them on whilst I do my stuff. Whilst Eastenders goes from bad to worst, Corrie just hits the light fantistico. If you say last nights episope you will know what I mean. Maybe the best bit of TV this year. There we have Gail and Eileen street fighting over Todds gayness, the boys brother turns up in checked shirt and hard hat. Bang on cue Gail pipes up ...

"Oh here come the rest of the Village People."

For that split second time stood still. A very clever piece of writing and executed spot on. You had to see it to appreciate that I mean, but hey ho.

Curbs is a scouser ... watch this space.

I got some serious sleep last night, about 10 hours in all. I was feeling my full 27 years I can tell you. Another bank holiday approaches, more party nights me thinks. Specially if Palace get thumped.

It's the Chelsea flower show this week. There are a few programmes on tonight that I might catch. Diarmuid's Big Adventure can't be missed.

I still haven't seen Kill Bill Volume 2. There is never enough time to do all my sh'te.

Oh and Billie Pipper is Dr Whos new assistant .... don't make me laugh.

My tune of the day: Let's Get Happy - Mass Order

Umph ... there it is !!!!

So we conquered Blackpool, and didn't have to sit on a minibus for 6 hours. The flight is just so good, 25 minutes in the air. We were sitting tucking into breakfast at 9 on saturday morning whilst the two buses crawled up the M6. I knew where I wanted to be.

We even made young James take a 10 minute oxygen course. Now there is a oppening in the market here ... watch this space!!!

So the Wall took a tonking, and I didn't have to watch any of it. Old man Wise was up to his usual tricks, the pinching the skin under your arms etc, etc. Quality eh Dennis.

There's also a piece in the Mirror today about how grim the South is ... yeah bollcocks.

My tune of the day: I say a little prayer - Aretha Franklin

Oh I do like to be beside the sea side ...

Blackpool rocks ...!!!

So they interviewed Audley Harrison regarding Millwalls match tomorrow. I'm not sure why, he's a West London bwoy so would be more of an R, but hey. Anyway back to Audley, who said with a glint in his eye ...

"It's like a cup final for Millwall ..."

WHOOOOOOSH.

I'm going to do a Spin class today after missing my Thursday at the gym yesterday. It's great at lunchtime ... some nice bottoms and stuff. I'm going to have to work out a programme though. I need something to achieve ... or maybe I'm talking bollies.

So Becks is staying in Spain, his Mrs is on her way. Curbs is off to Scouseland, Paulo has been shown the door, and boxes are for shoes. Anyone want to be Ian Huntleys minder ... ??? Thought NOT!!!

It was a bit strange yesterday when the talk in the office was of Joey Deacon. Now I'm sure some of you remember and some don't. Anyway the bosses didn't so we had to explain to them what all the fuss was about. It all stems from Ernie who used to understand what Joey said, and from this came his book ...

Have you seen that pic in the sun of the girl Lordan with the blokes sucking their fingers ... quality. That's my job in Blackpool this weekend, to get as many of those shots as poss. I'll see if I can post them ere next week ... BE GOOD

My tune of the day: Open Up - Free Radicals

Queer Eye for the straight guy .... ??

What's that all about? Surely washing, moisturising, looking good is a personal choice not a sexual need. If you want to use Wrights Coal Tar soap, so be it. Who am I to tell you otherwise. But it does make me laugh.

So the FA Cup final creeps up on us, and I actually wonder if anyone cares!! Do you remember growing up, when the FA Cup final would have beenone of the only live matches on TV. Given that they also showed FA Cup It's a Knock out, Matstermind and Alf Garnett, we were in for a treat. As a kid you would look forward to this match on a summers day, reds against yellows. But now who actually cares? I'll be in Blackpool 'avin it, so not me.

It's also nearly June, half way through the year ... now that is scary. They could make a bleedin movie about it, or even about Kevin Everests sexual fantasies. I got a text from Kev at 1:27 this morning, but given that he is in Sweden it could be any time. It said ... and I quote:

"I am surrounded by very hot swedish girls, I wish life was fair but it isn't try and deal with that"

Hmm, thanks Kev. Now if you had seen some of these Swedish very hot gals he hangs round with, you would know what the Rock is cooking.

My tune of the day: It's yours - John Cutler

It's raining, it's pouring ...

Well there you go. Last night around 11ish the heavens opened. Unfortunately I was inside at the time and the downpour was coming from the ceiling and through the walls. Given that the upstairs property is empty, "Houston we have a problem". Thames Water were useless, my Home Emergency Insurance didn't really help much. So after 45 minutes of watching my hall way fill up I had to take action. Armed with a wrench I got to the Thames Water stop cock in Hither Green Lane and turned all the water off. Oh how we laughed. NOT. Now I have to deal with all the insurance companies, red tape, managing agents. Would you credit it.

So it's West Sham against the Nigels in Cardiff next Saturday. Talk about another match that I won't bother taking in. Luckily there are loads of things for me to do. Like watch some paint dry .... :)

I've just been looking at the Sun. The newspaper thang not the red ball in the sky. What's that Elaine Lordan all about? I'm sure Kev said she was his ideal bird ... I'm sure he did.

So are you all going to see that new film Song 9 ... ???? Yea right.

My tune of the day: Kiss, kiss, kiss - Ananda Project

Those bleedin' Nigels ...

So there we have it Crystal Palarse are in the play off final. Great!!! Sunderland threw it away, they had the cat in the bag. Oh well, bang goes another night out ooop North. Put it this way, I knew PalARSE where gonna win it when the commentator mentioned that Sunderland had only previously lost one penalty shoot out, and we know when that was.

So P****R didn't make it into Svens squad. He's made the backup party tho'. Laugh, I nearly lost control of my bowels.

I received a £20 HMV voucher this morning. It was for an on-line questionaire I had filled out regarding the Metro newspaper. Great stuff eh, it took me 10 mins to fill out and I get £20. Now what CD do I want to buy ... oh decisions, decisions.

It's back up to Blackpool this Saturday on Giles stag doo. He did mention that we had access to Heaven and Hell. I would say that that is more like Hell in Blackpool. Apart from that it should be interesting.

I got my badges this morning. 150 of them. Keep your eyes peeled.

My tune of the day: Juicy Fruit - MTUME

We won a match, we won a match, eee iiii adio ...

Yes, we've only waited 20 years, but by gawd they finally gone and done it. Poor old Southampton, where like lambs to the slaughter. Er, really ... NOT.

ADDED TO THE FACT THAT MY KITCHEN WAS FINISHED OFF AND THE WARDROBES WHERE ACTUALLY BUILT THIS HAS BEEN A VERY GOOD WEEKEND. (I'll shout that again shall I ..!!!!)

The kitchen is looking good. Matching worktop and splashback, sharp edges and a clean oven. I think I may cook myself something fancy tonight, like Steak Diane, or Beef Wellington.

The wardrobes are huge. I'm thinking I might be able to get all me old stuff in there, but in reality that ain't gonna be the case. I need to go to IKEA and get some plastic basket thangs for me socks, because I didn't get any draws. Do I buy a draw unit or what, let me know what you think :)

The sun is shinning today, horray. I can eat my strawberries and cream with a smile on my face. Although I've just seen a giant cloud on the horizon. Everest must be on his way back to blighty.

Hello, to all the new people reading this .... whooooosh indeed.

My tune of the day: Oye Como Va - Santana

What is it ...

With blokes that don't wash their hands after they have had a pish ... ??????? Unbelievable !!!

My tune of the day: All I wanna give you - Shazz

In the Wonderland Zoo ...

Is it me or does the Maxine Carr paper stealing episode not quite ring true ...?? What are the chances of her release details etc, etc being in the back of a car. Exactly!!!!

I was reading through the Metro this morning and two things stood out. An ad telling us all about Improvements to the West Coast Railway, or to be exact details of weekend engineering works, great eh, and then details of how Gary Lucy bought the wrong item at an auction. He bought some rugs instead of an old Paul Weller guitar. That's definately a head shaker.

So lets put our hands up if we use skin moisturiser ... ??? Bernie???? Williams??? No thought not ...

So what has Jimmy Hill gone and done. Well he's only come out in support of Big Ronald. To quote our Jimmy, he says "In that context, you wouldn't think that words like n*gg*r were particularly insulting: it would be funny. Without meaning to insult any black men, it's us having fun. What about people who make jokes about my long chin? I mean, n*gg*r is black - so we have jokes where we call them niggers because they're black. Why should that be any more of an offence than someone calling me chinny? "

Yes indeed ... read it and weep. What's the world coming to eh???? Oh and I'll get me coat ...

Tune of the day: Teacher don't teach me no sense - Fela Kuti

*S*uper *H*ero *I*n *T*raining

You know, reality bites!!! Or it should do. Some people indeed live in cloud cuckoo land, but that's up to them. The train turned up this morning, packed. When I say packed, I mean PACKED. I squeezed on, put on my headphones and then had some lardy geezer try and push his way on. As he did he was shouting "move down, move down ..." Some people eh, go on a diet you muppet.

So the weekend is now a distant memory, so what next to look forward to? A night out in Greenwich on Saturday?? The following weekend in Blackpool, the bank holiday??? It's not all bad is it.

So what's the deal with on-line dating. Do people not have interpersonal skills anymore. You know, initial eye contact, a smile ... a flirt, can I get the number. No sod that, let me get my old bill out on a webcam .... come on, play the game.

Poor old Ray Parlour. He's being taken to the cleaners by his missus. Laugh, I nearly choked on my French toast.

Oh, and Bjorn again are apearing before the match on Saturday. So we'll be in the pub right up to kick off. ABBA SCHMABBA.

My tune of the day: Living in Ecstacy - Fonda Rae

Wake up and smell da cwoffffeeee ...

Blimey people ... a week off and your sorry excuses for lives a just that little bit sadder.

I've just completed a 5 day binge. Blackpool, Southport ... it's all good. I'm trying to get some pics, but then again why should I show you ... !!!!

I'm sitting here with a great big smile on my face ... there are some top people out there, and they have open minds ... you hear me Kev ...

Respect out to all those in the know, including the Carlisle posse, the Grimsby Gals, you all rock.

I would like to thank myself for being great, coming up with the rosette idea, having style, grace ... a sense of purpose, being great ...

I've also been told I talk to much about Charlton on here ... you have to laugh tho', they aren't worth talking about at the moment ... so I'll file that one.

My tune of the day - Strings of Life - Soul Central (Danny Kravit mix)

In out, in out ... shake it all about

So who was the last player to leave the supporters doo Sunday night. Can you guess? Go on ... go on ...???

Well I may tell ya tomorrow, after you have had a few guesses. It was good to see Smudge cutting some shapes on the dance floor. It's a shame his wonky arm meant he couldn't do the worm across the dance floor. Oh well.

I actually won a signed Charlton shirt in the raffle. It has Glynne Snodin on it, but no Paulo. Oh well. That's the first thing I've won in years, if you take out the dancing contest back in Liverpool in 2002. That ones for you Mr Chick.

I had a mad one at the weekend. Went straight from footie to Ministry, then onto a boat party then straight onto the CAFC doo. By that stage I was fnuked. Big up to the usual crowd. It was a good doo.

It's rained cats and dawgs today. What's that all about.

My tune of the day: Make my dreams a reality - Steely Dan

It may be raining outside ...

Ain't it just. Raining, it's pishing down. Roll on the Bank Holiday weekend, the cricket season, Southport Weekender ... Bernies barbecue. Oh, I doubt I'd get an invite to the last one ...ya dig.

So Jamaica are playing Ireland and Nigeria at the Valley. That actually made me laugh out loud. Given that I had traveled to Ninian Park to watch the Reggae Boyz back in 98, if I attend one of their matches I can say that I have seen Jamaica more times than Hingerland the land of ma birt. Butt then again Williams has a bond at the Munich municipal.

So Google are going to float. I've heard you can get some of the shares on ebay. As well as used coseyfits and pack enhancers.

So what's the consensus about those army torture pictures? It doesn't seem quite right to me, but I'm sure some peeps think it was justified.

Here's one for you. Why are man-hole covers round? Come on you must know that?

Oh and you lot need to get fitter. Five bouts of exercise a week. I can see it now.

My tune of the day: Losing You - King Kooba

Old King Cole .... a merry ol' soul ????

So they are rippin' out my kitchen ... well so the phone conversation went. And a hole in the wall ... hmmm ... lets hope it gets sorted eh ...!!!!!

I'm at a wine tasting tonight. Oh so very civilised.I say that, but it never ends up that way. Lets have 15 glasses of wine and spit them all out ... YEAH. Ain't happening is it.

It's raining out. I hung some washing out on tuesday for the first time this year ... and guess what happened :) Oh well.

I'm so bored .. it hurts.

My tune of the day: F**k da Police - NWA

On me 'ed son ....

There I am skipping through the Metro as I stand lazily on the Circle line. Page 13, unlucky? Maybe!!! How do you blow a raspberry by text???? Have I missed something here? Why would I want to? There are about 8 relies all telling you. From a ;oppppp to a rssssssp. A *rasp* to a *thrrrrp*.

I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO GET OUT A BIT MORE !!!!!

Then, on the same page, some one from Sheffield says we should have (as in like da country) a referendum on ID cards. Add that one to the EU referendum, the one about the Congestion charge and whether tea goes with fish and chips. *thrrrrrrrp*

I ran for 3 miles this morning, on a bleedin treadmill. I would say at the end my will to live was somewhat diminished. My mind wondered from work, through to Charlton's formation on Saturday to the big pants the girl in front of me had on. *rasp*

It's Tedmundos 6th birthday tomorrow. How time flies!!! He's only 21 years behind me ...:-*

supposedly Charlton are off to China for a two game tour in July. Now that is RED ARMY. thbpt

My tune of the day:Raspberry Beret - Prince

Dear Deidre ...

Sex in a car park, not daring enough, virgin who loves saucy texts. Go on' Deidre.You got it going on girl.. But have you seen the Casebook?? It don't happen, trust me.

So Mr Jim Bennett from Leeds says that the Race Relations Board made a fuss over bIG fAT rON'S comments. They are not there for name calling!!!!Mr Bennett is follically challenged and is always getting called a bald-headed so and so. Comments Mr Williams?? Oh and Jane Fazackerly from Cheltenham says the comments where made out of frustration - she then says there is a difference.

Oh ...

I spent 3 hours clearing out my kitchen last night. Today they should have been installing a new one. Come twelve oclock I'm told the worktop aint arrived. So it will be in a few more days. Blimey, it's never easy.

I've just realised it's the first cricket match of the season this coming Sunday. Plus the CAFC Player of the Year doo, i'm gonna be knackered.

My tune of the day: Twighlight - Maze featuring Frankie Beverley

The Industrial North ....We

Well I'm back. In one piece, just about. The drive up listening to Charlton sucumb to Foolham wasn't too good. But apart from that. The sun shone, the drink flowed and the women ... well they were women.

We got a room in Jesmond. Right in the middle of those bars. The ones where the neuveaux riche hang out. You get the picture. This was a Matt Owen sort of place not a Batnie Rubbell one. Vodka tonics were the order of the day and the juice was flowing as the party started right. Put it this way, alls good in da toon. Ya get me !!!!

Right, onto the football. The banquetting at St James Park is outstanding. Dolly Birds dishing up frois gras for the heards. Including Pater Beardsley, Gazza, Ray Wilkins, a Keith Harris lookey likey. The Chels looked the part as they started the game with a bang, and even without the PFA Young Player of the Year, they had Joe Cole pulling the strings. Then it just all seemed to go wrong. Two passes couldn't be strung together, Desailly looked his age and the tinkerman looked like he had tinkered once too often. As for Hernan Crespo, £18 mill ... YOU'RE 'AVIN A LAFF.

The sun is shining and as they say all is good.

My tune of the day: Living for the City - Stevie Wonder

High ho, high ho ...

Well it's St Georges day. So lets all celebrate.

Ray Houghton, what a mug. I listened to him on Talk sport last night. Indeed ...

The sun is shining. The sky is blue ... it's just a shame that there's nowt here to spoil my view. I thought it was funny.

Off to Newcastle this weekend. A night on the pish, I'm gonna go watch the boy Parker on Sunday. Here's to 3 points eh, Scotty ... now that has made me laugh.

From there I'm going over to Blackpool and having Sunday night there. Who needs Vegas eh ????

So they are saying Paulo has had enough, laugh ... ??? No not me, get to the back of the cue Paulo.

My tune of the day: A place in the sun - Frankie Feliciano

Big Phat Ron ...

So there you have it. Big Ron Atkinson must be a member of the Charlton Athletic e-mail list. Well what with his views anyway. You see Ron, as he tells us has done as anyone to help Black footballers - he played Cyrille, Laurie and Brendan in the West Brom team of the 80's. So Big Ron helped them by playing them in his team. Er, they weren't there on merrit, he was actually making a stand for integration. Yeah right. Anyway here we have Big Ron, a celebrated football face, columnist, broadcaster. After watching Chelsea throw away a great opportunity against Monaco he sees fit to let rip at Marcel Desailly. So what do you think he would say ... hmmmm ... well if you don't know, here goes -

" A f**ing lazy big n****r"

Work that one out then. Then we have Ron telling us he hasn't got a racist bone in his body. Typical of some of the idiots I have come across in my 27 years. But he'll still use the "N" word. That's all good then.

Oh did you see the Makelele tumble? It's just not cricket.

So Narwich City have been promoted. That mean good old Matt Svensson will be back at the Valley next season. This is the Matt Svensson who spent time in a red shirt lolloping about not really doing anything. Now he says that it's so good to play in a team that plays football, not like the stuff they play at Charlton. It suits him better to play football. Blimey ... Matty son, get wid da programme.

Plans are still up in the air as to whether I go to Foolham on Saturday or to Newcastle for the weekend. It's all go, go ... go.

My tune of the day: Musicology - Prince

Just Say No ...

No it's not the old Grange Hill song ... it's what the Sun says about the EU dream. Don't hand power over to Brussels, I'm not so sure that this would happen anyway, but hey.

So the Tinkerman, tinkered just a bit too much last night. I think he actually lost it and as good as a victory against the Arse was this was ..., er, funny.

Well Charlton made their yearly trip to Old Trafford and rolled over. Now I'm not having a go here, but it's the same every time. Maybe some tactical variance wouldn't go a miss ... but we all know Curbs don't we.

Rebecca Loos turned up at the Kill Bill Prem. I would say that her pic in the papers this morning don't do her much credit, but I'm sure the likes of Bern, and Kev would have a go. NO CLASS !!!!

Talking of film prems, why do people want to stand in the rain and watch people go into the cinema. Every premier Leicester Square gets packed. I just don't get it ...!!!!

And whilst I'm on it, why when I am walking up a flight of stairs and reach half way does someone want to walk down the stairs and walk on my side? We then have a stand off at 10 paces ... I ain't moving.

My consignment of rosettes turned up this morning ... watch this space.

Also I'm not sure we needed the A5 size pic of Gloria Hunniford in our papers this morning. Now to me a funeral should be about personal grief and showing this is just ... crap.

I can't wait for Jordans autobiography ... you know it makes sense.

Oh, and the Sun have said that David Beckhams bandana thingy has got tongues wagging. They say that he was saying "I'm wearing boxer shorts!!!" Well we know that ain't true, don't we?? It was all on here yesterday, so please keep up.

My tune of the day: Non-stop to Brazil - Astrud Gilberto

David Beckham ....

Well now we know??? David Beckham is heavily into receiving S&M. How do we know?? Well Davey wore a black bandana in his left pocket, easy ain't it.

And Littlejohn has never heard of a bloke shaving his privates. Blimey Kev there are two of you. Hello Mr Littlejohn, it's been happening for years. Wise up.

And whilst we are on Littlejohn accordingly Kevin Spacey is a fag.

It's the premier for Kill Bill Vol 2 this evening. I enjoyed Vol 1 and will be going out of my way to catch Vol 2, but do you know he is making Vol 3. Yeah in 2019. Great planning eh ????

Poor old Diego. He's critically ill in hospital and I don't think any person in England gives a fig. A shame really for such a talent to be remembered for that moment.

I'm going to try out a Body Jam class at lunch time. Wish me luck ... all thoses lycra clad hunnies and me ....

Oh and the boys are away at UManU tonight ... gawd help us ...

My tune of the day: Green and Gold - Roy Ayres

Keep on running ...

Here's a question ... why. oh why do they shut the Blackwell tunnel at Weekends (well at night anyway.) It took me a freaking hour to get back from Hackney last night. I had to dodge the muppets all jockying to get to the Rotherhithe and then proceed at 15 miles an hour through the damn place. It wasn't good.

I had a weekend on the pish over in Plaistow, well near enough Upton Park. There was a Sikh march/ celebration on Sunday, not sure what that was all about.

I got to the Valley on Saturday still in the same clothes as I had worn on Friday night. I had a couple of badges on the lapel of my jacket. I was then told they were similar to the old gay rainbow thingamy. So was I saying I was gay. Everest would love that ... but what he has to realise is that some people are not threatened, and it's not me that has been getting recent editions of Corrie shipped to Sweden.

So Becks has confessed. Or not for that matter. I would have been quite funny if he had texted Posh a full and frank confession. I can then see Posh as she scrabbles around for the News of the World number to put the record straight. Unbelievable.

Does anyone want to buy a Von Dutch hat? In Norwich green and yellow colours. I can't be seen in one, not after a few drinks over at Wanstead on Sat. Bloody hell.

I got a text from James on Saturday. He said was the Charlton/ Brum game any good. Blimey, talk about waste 20p.

Has anyone seen Kirsty Gallacher's tats in the paper today ... good work.

By all sense and purposes Michelle McManus' career is over ... career?????

Oh, and the No Party are going to win the next election ...

My tune of the day: Chances Going Round - First Choice

Oh well ...

I take it that is a no then .... ????

My tune of the day: Gypsy Woman - Crystal Waters

Is there anybody out there ....

Do I write this for myself ... does anyone actually read this????

I'm just double checking really ....

My tune of the day: Playing your game baby - Barry White

Another day ...

You know what ...?? I've got writers block!!!

My tune of the day: Golden Years - Loose Ends

Champions League ... you're 'avin a laff ...

Sang Chrissy Powell as he jogged round the Anfield pitch yesterday ... Allegedly. Quality stuff if it was true.

Oh have I mentioned Brian Lara scored a new world record 400 runs not out. I sat down and watched him do it yesterday. Absolutely unbelievable. Yes England have wrapped up the series but it has been good to see the smug faces actually come back to some sort of reality. If I had been Brian I would have carried on batting, all 5 bleedin days ... that would have got the papers talking.

Oh and Charlton beat Liverpool ... 1-0. Only in America, unbelievable ... Siddddaaaaaaannnnnn ...

Well the Easter has come and gone. And I've done absolutely nothing. Oh how we laugh.

My tune of the day: I don't like cricket - 10cc

We've got Paulo, we've got Paulo ...

Blimey, I am so looking forward to the football on Saturday. I just want to go to a match. But I can see the outcome now!!!! Yes us Charlton supporters have been there, done that.

So Milan lost. Oh dear, Chelsea could be European kings .... how funny is that???

It's another Easter weekend, so that mean four days on the piss. I do need to cut down on my alcohol consumption. Okay, maybe I don't.

So what are people planning to do this weekend? Leave me a message ...

My tune of the day: Who needs love - Incognito

It WAS my b'day

Blimey ... how much can one man drink??? Now that is a question.

I spent about 2 hours yesterday trawling the City trying to find Sticky Toffee Pudding. No luck. I ended up with Italian Cheesecake.

So I found out this morning that Chels beat the Ass. Whoopy doo. I for one ain't that bothered about any of it. I'm more bothered about the £500 electricity bill I received. Bloody British Gas.

It's football on Saturday. I haven't been to a game in ages ... or it seems like it. And they say that they play too many games ... yeah right.

I am looking out the window and it's quite depressing. No sunshine, no short skirts ...

My 3G phone has been repaired and returned. Well we will have to see if it makes any difference...

My tune of the day: Lovely Day - Bill Withers

It's ma b'day ...

Well there you go ... 27 ;) it is.

I watched England Expects last night. What I made of it I'm not too sure. It was the usual stuff about racism and all that, but I didn't get the story. Following that there has been a thread on the Charlton email list regarding the comment about a refs turban slipping over his eyes, as he didn't give a pen. All very funny you may think ... or not as the case may be. Let's put it like this, we are indeed living in the 21st century. I don't need to hear jokes about turbans, potatoes or David Beckham. It's not PC, it's just me being me. Some people do though, but why they have to bring it to a public forum is anyone's guess. What do you think Rav??

I've got a half days leave today. I do think that some drinking will be done this afternoon. Starting off around America Square then onwards and upwards ... it's V&T's all the way.

Rebecca Loos ... would you ???

My tune of the day: I believe in a thing called love - Lemar

Things can only get better ...

Sang D:Ream back in the 90's. Yeah right, and there are such things as flying pigs, Spinksey didn't have the biggest spot ever seen in Scotland and Becks ain't contemplated shagging around.

So Millwall made it to Wembley (yes I know it's Cardiff, but hey) and England won the series. What a weekend!!! I sat in Yates in Lewisham on Sat watching UManU beat the Goners, and in my front room yesterday watching Wall beat the Makems. What do they say ... "Only in America".

And now David Beckham has been shagging Rebecca Loos. Or so says his chauffeur, come-bodyguard. Oh no I mean his EX chauffeur, come-bodyguard. EX indeed. So he's not looking for some extra money along the way. Get over it. There's a transcript in the Sun of a text conversation Becks had with this bird. Now any person with a bit of common would realise it's a load of bollies. There wasn't one M8, GR8, LOL, or TXT BAC. He supposedly text things like "Where do you want to feel me the most". Oh come off of it, it's so laughable.

And have you seen the latest pics of Eric Cantona. Quality, absolute quality. If Vilhelm sees them this must be his new look. It's gotta be.

I didn't get to the Ideal Home Exhibition at the weekend. So much for planning eh. Oh well I'm 27 tomorrow ...

My tune of the day: Can't get away from you - Mood 2 Swing

It may be winter outside, but in my heart it's spring ...

Well one minute it's cold, the next it's warm, then it's cold, then it rain, it's warm ... Etcetera, etcetera. What's that all about, eh ???

I have reached 100 contacts on my MSN messenger. I really think I don't know half of them, or have forgotten who they are, but I don't want to delete them just in case. I only talk to a few people on there, but it really is a good real time business tool, it's a shame that most companies won't allow it, think firewall!!!!

I sent my latest mobile phone back to the service provider yesterday. The bleedin thing kept dropping calls and buzzing. I got caught up in the whole 3G thang and signed up. I told them in no uncertain terms that unless they provide me with a fully working mobile phone then the contract is null and void and I will go elsewhere. Unfortunately Three have outsourced their call centre to Bombay and I can't understand a word they say. I might have to get Rav on the case.

It's another weekend and there are a few things I am considering. Sunday is the last day of the Ideal Home Show and I was thinking to popping long. Although I would miss Millwall in the cup. There's also a new Vivian Westwood exhibition at the V&A. Now that has got to be worth a look. Although I'm thinking that most of the people I know would be more at home at a M&S exhibition. You know who you are.

I was just reading the Metro. It appears to have been Chris Tarrants last day at Crapital. Oh my ...

My tune of the day: On & On - Erykah Badu vs The Turbomen -

Changing rooms my arse ...

Well I'm back. I've had 3 days decorating. 3 bleedin days up and down ladders, covered in paint. Although I have had a rad fitted to my conservatory. I'm now thinking of false ceilings and new kitchens. Oh happy days.

The best thing about the whole decorating experience though, was no PC access. How good is that. No sitting in front of fuzzy screens looking at emails from people who can't speill!!!

And did anyone watch that England match last night? Oh Matt and Jeff. I do hope you enjoyed yourselves. A trip to Sweden to watch a load of old Charlton boys running round aimlessly. They can do that in a Charlton shirt, but hey.

The suns shining. Summer is on its way and I will be looking good. I've got a few new outfits so I can't wait.

Oh and I' 27 next Tuesday ... keep up.

My tune of the day: Fly - Crazy Penis

The Passion of the Christ ...

So what's that all about ?? Do you know that over 50% of all Yanks go to church. Compare that to good old Great Britain, where I'd say 50 people get up early on a Sunday. Do you remember when raving was the new religion!!! Rock on Cliff Richard that's what I say.

I got my latest ebay purchase through the post yesterday. After a visit to the 2 hour dry clean shop it was ready to wear. Well what do you think??



So the Scousers are out of Europe and Gerard moans about the referee. Did you see it? You really, really have to wonder what these people see. Biscan pulled the blokes shorts, foul, in the box ... PENALTY. Cast iron ... now that's enough about Big Phil Thommo!!!

Oh and I had forgotten to congratulate Audley on his Championship belt ... Big Up Selecta.

My tune of the day: We are one - Blaze

Royal Mail my arse ....

Now here's a question for thee. To get a job with the Royal Mail do you have to be a blithering idiot? Can Bernie or Kev answer that???? I ask because this morning I went down to Lewisham sorting office to collect a parcel. I got there at 8:05 expecting to be there all of 2-3 minutes. Well there was a queue and there were 3 Royal Mail guys trying to open the door!! Yep, open the door to the office, the place where they work every day. They turned the key this way and that but still no luck. Well we waited as the queue got bigger, we waited some more ... THEN. We got told that they couldn't open the door. We would all have to go away and come back another day. Now you're taking the piss.

So off I toddled only to get 20 yarsd down the road when a guy came out to collect the cards for all the people queing. Whoooosh, someone has a brain. Well I skipped back and handed in my card. I'll be 15 minutes said the bloke, GREAT!!!

Well 10 minutes later he was back, he handed me the card and said to quote "Its been returned to sender mate" Oh thanks, it's only been 5 days and it's meant to be there a week. Well Adam Crozier kiss my phat one you muppet.

Did anyone see that football last night? Chelsea and Arsenal!!! Whats that all about .... jeeezzzz. And have a look at page 3. Nicola T's head is too big for her body, and that nose ...

My tune of the day: Inner City Blues - The Chi-Lites

Why are we waiting ...

You know sometimes one is just too busy. It's been a bleedin' nightmare getting everything done in a day, so I was unable to pen anything yesterday. It's not like working for the NHS this.

Well England won another Test, in fact the first time they have ever won back to back tests in the Caribbean. That just proves how shite this team are. I've said it before and I'll say it again ... you lap it up Tony Greig, cause you'll get yours.

I actually met my Mum for lunch today. As well as helping her get across town to catch the Stanstead Express. It was nice to see her before she flies off to Eindhoven, I'm sure she is being groomed to take over from Robbens as he's off to Chelski. You heard it here first.

It's just dawned on me, that it's my 27th birthday in early April. I'm feeling "OLD"

My tune of the day: I did it in Seattle - Roy Ayres

Home on the Range !!!!

So another weekend over. Ho hum!!!! Yet this one was ruined by that muppet Laurent Robert who did a dying swan impression to con that equally muppety muppet Mr Wiley. You can stick your Toon Army where the sun don't shine. If that's an army then I'm Sly Stallone in First Blood.

Anyway, copious amounts of drink where drunk, shed loads of money was spent all in the name of entertainment. I even found the belt I had been after on Sunday morning as we took a leisurely walk through the town to the Station.

I'm actually sitting at work listening to a new Dimitri in the House CD, wearing this hat that the boss brought in for me. You have to laugh, don't you ... ???



Well, I don't want to mention it, but the old cricket is going tits up. Oh what we would give for a Wes Hall. Lara needs a kick up the aris.

I've been trying to work out when the clocks go forward, or is it back. I think it is next weekend ... but if anyone knows let me know.

My tune of the day: Get your own - Doug Willis

Oh I do want to be beside the seaside

So this Sunday the LDV sees Blackpool take on Southend. The bigger pier against the bigger rollercoaster. It's been bleedin years since Charlton were away at Blackpool ... SHAME.

So Rio says he is a footballer, and wants to play football. He was cleared of being a drug cheat but banned for missing a test. Oh well, never mind Rio, just take a few months off, go shopping ... maybe try some dogging, or roasting ... or whatever is the next best thing. Saying that, I'm quite surprised Kev hasn't tried dogging ... !!

Well I watched 4 hours of Wrestlemania last night. The cream of American wrestling, the Rock, Mick Foley, HHH, Steve Austin. It is actually quite funny. It's a soap opera. Some people get carried away with Eastenders, or Sex in the City, but to me you can't beat a bit of grappling, "if you smell what the Rock is cookin' ... ."

Don't forget it's Mothering Sunday on, er ... Sunday. Make sure you ring your Mum and tell her you love them. Go on you know it makes sense.

Have you seen Abbi Titmus in the Sun. You'll 'ave someones eye out what's thatall about ????

Oh and another thing, if you get the chance watch Punch Drunk Love. A Paul Thomas Anderson film ... it made me laugh.

My tune of the day: Prayin' - Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes

Relocation, relocation ... relocation

So what of the budget? Fags, drinks yeah the same old stuff ... but old Gordy is forcing over 20,000 peeps out of the South East. Hmmm ... maybe they will get to live in Birmingham, Manchester or even Narwich!!! Oh how wonderful. Hands up if you want to live in Manchester ... or maybe just have a hole in your head. Well here we have some pros and cons. Live in Manchester ... don't make me laugh and it's a Charlton supporter telling us how good Manx is. I bet she also tells people to "Siddddownnnnn".

It's the last ever episode of Sex in the City tomorrow. I think I'll go out on the piss. I don't get it myself ... and it's not a patch on Seinfeld, now that was comedy.

What is it with people who when walking want to cut right in front of you? You know when you are crossing the road and you reach the other side you have to watch your step as someone veers to the right and cuts right across you. It bleedin annoys me, but not as much as England thinking they have a great cricket team.

Yeah Brian Lara has come out and said England got lucky. He refused to lavish praise on Harmison et al. Too right and all. Come on Brian lets stick it to 'em.

Right, it's a night up in the Toon on Saturday. The boys are playing Newcastle at 17:35. A PPV match on Sky. So what's in store, yeah an 8:00 train an afternoon on the piss and then a night here Bar Beyond Spiritually uplifting sounds, good looking women and me ... what more would make a good night out .... whoooooosh.

I had a pension review today. It transpires that to have the same standard of living I have now, I would have to put £1100 per month into my pension until I was 65. So that's another 38 years, maybe another whooooosh.

My tune of the day: Prophecy - Simon Grey featuring Abby Joyce

No one likes us ... No one likes us

So there we have it, the new theme song of Kevin Everest. It should be no one likes me, but hey it's called a play on words due to the Wall getting to the FA Cup semi final. Wonders never cease.

I have just been told by the boss that as the sun is shining we are all going to go to Lahores on Commercial Road. Oh joy. Some lamb chops, chicken tikka and sheek kebabs, heaven in the afternoon.

I did eventually get to Tescos. I treated myself to 6 free range eggs from their Finest range. Some Milano Salami and a rocket salad. Oh how I rock. Unfortunately I also spend £160 on some new clothes as I was on my way there. Like I need new clothes, oh well it will mean that I NEED TO GET SOME NEW WARDROBES.

Yipeeee, it's the budget today. More tax, more money ... I'm currently watching the Prime Ministers questions ... they are all muppets, all muppets I tell thee. They are talking about excessive drinking and yob culture. Now they are talking about the size of the army. Righthonorablee friend my arse.

My tune of the day: You and I - Stevie Wonder

Leaburnnnnn ... Leaburnnnnnn ...

Well it made me laugh, when I heard the Upper North going through some old songs on Saturday. Big Fat Pete, Sweaty Balmer, Super Clive, Bradley Wonderland and OOOhhh Scotty Parker. Well maybe the last two weren't heard that loudly but me and James certainly entertained the rows adjacent to LL.

I've been having a look around the net to see what a webblog actually means to some peeps. It's all very interesting I must say. There are those that use it as an excuse to showcase their literary skills, those that have it as a general diary and those that just talk, as they say bollox. I think I may put myself in the last category ... yes hands up if you think I am right ... "You are right, right ... right."

Right then, I've added a forum ... over there on the right, listed under comments. That for all my listeners to add there ... er, comments. And lets be adult about it, and that includes you Everest.

I just looked in the fridge and saw that I had run out of eggs ... Tescos becons ...

My tune of the day: Frontin - Jamie Cullum

Cricket, not so lovely cricket ...

So here we go. There was Cooksley, Williams et al saying the usual stuff about, Merlene Ottey, Don Quarrie, Michael Holding, Bob Marley your boys took a hell of a beating. It's like when Engerland won the Rugby, they all come out of the woodwork. Well as I say, and will continue to say one swallow does not a summer make. Put it this way, I decided to watch some of the Manx derby, put a chicken in the oven, talk to a mate of mine back from his hols in Brazil, turned the cricket back on ... and it was all over. I did the usual shake of the head and switched it over. The West Indies are abysmal. They are so bad that they made Steven Harmison look like the best bowler ever to pick up a bleedin ball. Oh well.

Anyway, Charlton put up a stirling performance to beat the old Rumbellows cup holders 1-0. A lovely Matt Holland curler did the damage, and I would like to say that that was Matts best game in the red shirt. He was everywhere, tackled like I never thought he would and was Captain Fantastic. Then we have Carlton Cole. Carlton played okay, linked up well, tried to hold up the ball but in reality came up against a good pairing in Ehiogu and Southgate. When he was subbed he got a little stroppy, and walked straight to the dressing room. Big deal. But the furor coming out of the CAFC email list. Some of the muppets on that list should take a look at themselves. They have these players cacooned in some higher plane where human emotions and actions don't exist. Bloody Carlton Cole is a 19 year old lad, who was dissapointed in being subbed. I have done the same playing on a Sunday morning, so get over it !!!!

I forgot to tape Wrestlemania XX last night. Blimey, wrestling it's all fixed ain't it??? Yeah and your point is!!!! It's quality soap opera, much better than Eastenders, but then again it takes all sorts.

Mt tune of the day: A child runs free - Fred Johnson

Jazz Music ...

Right, I'd forgotten how much I like Jazz, and have been listening to some right quality stuff this afternoon. Pucho and the Latin Soul Brothers, Freddie Hubbard some right quality. And before the CIFC muppets start emailing me that doesn't include Humphrey Littleton or Georgie Bleedin Melly.

It's another weekend, and this time there is some footie. We welcome the Milk Cup holders to the Valley which could be an interesting match. However most of our matches over the last few years are close knit affairs with a goal either way being the decisive incident. Put me down for a 5-5 draw then ... good stuff.

There's a doo in Greenwich tonight. Back at the Traff a derivative of the old Hanky Panky night. Well it's a late drink, and I need a blow out. It seems like I haven't had a drink in weeks, but then I could be lying.

So it was a fairly even day in the test yesterday. Hingerland started like a house on fire but some of the unsung boys in the West Indies team put them back in their place. It could be interesting. Luckily there is no rugby this weekend ... what a load of rubbish that is.

And another thing!!! Why don't the rail companies charge by the pound. There are some seriously fat people on my train and they take up too much room. Charge them, come on sod the Congestion charge lets have a fat charge ...

Tune of the day: The Sound Table - Cameo

Cricket lovely cricket, at Lords where I saw it ...

Or to quote the whole song ...

Cricket, lovely cricket,
At Lords where I saw it;
Cricket, lovely cricket,
At Lords where I saw it;
Yardley tried his best
But Goddard won the Test.
They gave the crowd plenty fun;
Second Test and West Indies won.
With those two little pals of mine
Ramadhin and Valentine.

A truly great calypso written by Lord beginner to celebrate the 1950's victory of the West Indian team over England at Lords. Still seen by some as the single greatest moment in the history of West Indies cricket. That was I say until Mike Gatting got his come uppance back in the 90's and Brian's majestic innings of 375, remember that one Cooksley ... ???

Anyway, the point of all this? Well the latest test series kicks off today, over in Jamaica. And would you believe it anyone with a slither of interest think Hingerlaaand are going to trounce the WIndies. Is that so!!!! Well let's sit back, pour ourselves a glass of rum and see, eh ... lets wait and see.

A slight confession, I totally forgot to blog yesterday. I'm sure it won't mean jack to any of you lot but hey.

An interesting e-mail circulating on the CIFC list this morning. Sent by Upper Belvederes finest Kevin 'Basin' Everest it stated to quote " Why does everyone on this list suck up' to Rik. " Well hark at him, not only is he actually coming out of the closet, he's now saying that everyone else is into sucking. Go on Kev, you are the man ... a wealth of talent, popular, witty, etcetera blah ... etcetera.

On a separate note, the remake of Starsky & Hutch ... WHY??? Leave it alone, whatever next the A-Team.

**FOOL**

Tune of the day: Your love - The Weather Girls

Crimes against fashion

Cries the Sun in it's centre pages today. I'm not sure why I read it, or get het up with what it says, it is the voice piece of the masses. Columnist Jane Barnes goes on to say that for every famous name who dresses soberly/ smartly when the gravity of the occasion demands, there is another who won't. She cites the girlfriends of Keith Gillespie and Frank Sinclair who turned up in Spain wearing tracksuits and baseball caps. Well pardon me, what are they meant to wear? Black suits, black armbands!!! Maybe what they needed to dress in to appease Jane Barnes was the farthest thought from there mind at this time. Maybe they just slung a few items in a case and got on the plane!!! I'm sure they aren't really that bothered in what Jane thinks, cause I ain't. But then again it may appeal to the fake Burberry wearer's out there and the Stone Island clad wannabee's (there you go Matt !!!).

In the same paper I read an article on Asda bringing out a credit card. The apr will be between 13.8 - 22.7 percent. Well I say what's that all about??? Why would anyone want to go for an interest rate at that level? Because they don't know any better, that's why!!! Or maybe they are prepared to take on customers who have a bad credit rating, or ones other lenders would refuse credit to. Not a good market to get in eh ... !!!

I've just realised that the car needs an MOT this week. How much hassle is that. Why, oh why do I always leave it to the last minute to get it done?? Because I am ill prepared that's why. I cannot plan anything. Ho hum!!!

Charlton ressies beat Leicester 5-0 last night. Given that most of their reserves are banged up I thought it would have been nearer nein nil !!!!!

Tune of the day: It takes a nation of millions to hold us back - Public Enemy

Scherwing low sweeeet chariots!!!

I stayed in to watch the England rugby team on saturday. Well the question is, what is that all about. Fat blokes running around not knowing what they are doing. Well if I wanted to see that I would have gone to watch the crowd at the Wall v Tranmere game yesterday. That rugby is well overrated. England are without doubt a one man team and the bloke who throws the ball in at lineouts, give it up mate, give it up.

Another football-less weekend. They want a winters break but we have hardly and matches and when we do the footballers get themselves in the shite in La Manga. Unbelievable, truly unbelievable. I was thinking about going to watch Welling v Cambridge City on sat. I say thinking, well I lie. I did think about it for a split second on Friday. But I don't want to pay £8 to watch that pants any more. It used to be fun when it was a fiver but eight squid is toomuchh to watch rubbish.

It's interesting reading on the Charlton email list about the Pompey fans singing during their thrashing on Sat. As the Arse whooped them the able seamen continually chanted we're gonna win 6-5, Blue army etc, etc. Well the Charlton crowd were saying how good it is to see such support, and how much we should all be envious. HELLO!!!! I don't see it like that. What we get in the Prem is apathy. That's why Highbury is called the Library. That's why there is no atmosphere at Stamford the Lion. Northerners don't count cause they live for football, but Portsmouth are glorified Northerners, have you seen the bloke with the bell? You wouldn't want your daughter to bring him home. He might be your son !!!!!

Tune of the day: Georgy Porgy - Eric Benet

Over land and sea, and LEICESTER!!!!

Well what can I say. All the debate is of footballers being above the law, etc, etc. But isn't this what happens when you pay not very bright guys anything from £5k - £20k a week??? If money is no object don't they, or won't they just do what they want to?? It seems straight forward to me.

Anyway onto more important thangs. I bought a new pair of shoes stroke pumps ... now let me know what you think!!!



Do I need a hat to match???

It's another weekend without football. I may have to watch the egg chasing, or then again carry on with my painting. Decisions, decisions ... or not as the case may be.

I was going to ask why tpeoplele wear overcoats that are too small for their suit jackets that hang down. But I won't ... !!!

Tune of the day: Lapdance - N*E*R*D

No sex please, we're ebay?

Reading the latest edition of webuser they tell of a story where someone who tried to sell the 1992 Madonna Sex book had the auction withdrawn due to it's adult nature and it's inappropriateness. Hmmm, I say ... I'm sure CIFC's own "Lil" Kev Everest sold Jemma Jamesons Big Tits and all the bits on there ... or maybe that was me!!!!

A few of us went out for a bite to eat last night. The good old Vietnamese restaurant in Greenwich that does a eat all you can eat for £13.80. Well there were six of us and the bill came to £160 odd. Now work that out and tell me how much was spent on drink. Yep you've got it ... a lot!!! Well when we had paid the bill and were ready to go Leo said to the waiter could Rod have a shot on the house cause it was his birthday. Well after a bit of two'in and fro'in, he turned round and said NO!!! No, I ask you. You have to laugh. At that point we left shaking our heads, sod it lets go to Oliver's. Well let me say, we enjoyed drinking loads more and watching fat girls.

Tune of the day: Full Moon - Brandy

Strange

Now for no apparent reason other than my own self gratification I put up a tune of the day. Generally it's what I have listened to on that given day and thought best captured my mood. However today I entered a debate with some of the CIFC email list that enlightened me. One of them turns out to be a Captain Sensible fan, one a Dire Straits fan and one a Two-tone Jean Michel Jarre lover. Pheeew, luckily I'm a soul boy, cause I couldn't listen to that rubbish. Dire Straits, I ask ya.

Now if there are any IT gurus out there maybe you could help. Today my PC started to hang. Every 5 mins or so, it shuts down for about 5 seconds. Everything stops, including me. Now what's this all about. I have deleted from the cache, defragged, debugged ... but still. Answers on a postcard eh ...!!!!

I'm currently carrying around two mobile phones. It's bloody annoying I tell ya. Oh well ...

I would just like to say how nice it is that the evenings are getting longer. It might make me want to go down the gym in the evening instead of silly o'clock in the morning. Now that's a thought ...

My tune of the day: Caught in the act - the Facts of life

Stop ... Hammer time !!!!

You know there are days when absolutely nothing happens. There is no email banter, no phone conversations, no appertising news, NOTHING. Well Michael Vaughan scored a ton against a Jamaican Second XI. Now that has stirred all of the English Cricket supporters. Ho hum!!!

It says something when the lead news story is Stanley Collymore out and about on a "dogging" trip. I ask you. Pleeeease, move on. Lets have something more interesting ... what has Abi Titmus been up to??

Well I am still lacking any interaction from people over this site. Maybe no one reads it. Most probably the later ... Cheers.

My tune of the day: You will miss me - Pique and Nique

Edu, Edu ... Edu,Edu

You know sometimes words just can't say what you really feel. After five minutes on Sat, well at 3:05 on Sat as I looked over to see all these gloating spotty little herberts I wanted to turn around and go home. Put my tail between my legs and just do one. I didn't. Approximately 85 minutes later when JJ crashed an 18 yard over head against the post I knew that Charlton really were the only club for me!!! I haven't spent the last 30 years suffering just so these johnny come latelies can ride into town and take over what I love. They can't decide that football is de rigor and buy a flask and travel blanked and tell me to 'Siddan'. If I want to stand up I freaking well will. And you can bitch and moan all you like, but I ain't gonna change my ways.

If the supporters club ain't gonna do it, and the VIP Director is more concerned with the Maidstone branch of the supporters club then we have to take back what we had. It is about time REAL Charlton supporters got their club back from the namby pamby, neu riche type of passionless muppets we get now we are in the Prem. It is time that people who want to sing and dance and generally get behind the team are allowed to do so, and not told to be quiet.

Oh, and I got absolutely trollied on Saturday Night. Good work fella ...

My tune of the day: Oliver Kahn - the Charlton faithfull

FIVE PINTS OF GUINNESS AND A PACKET OF CRISPS ...

So I went out with Mr Owen, big Jesse to his chums and all his work crew. Well after a few drinks to loosen them up it turned out to be a pleasant evening. Pleasant being the most appropriate word. I actually bumped into a friend of mine who was working as a Guinness promo gal in Revolution. Thanks to the five free glasses of the crap stuff I is nursing a head this morning.

So we are a day away from the Thierry Henry show. Yes twinkle toes does like to play against Charlton, as his 8 previous goals show testament. I have seen every single one of them, so it would be nice if we could stop the bleeder from scoring.

I watched Animal Factory will Willem Dafoe on Wednesday. An interesting film, and one I would recommend. There you go ...

My tune of the day: Rock with you - Jazzy Jeff

Why, why, why?????????????

Why do people wear their mobile phones on their belts?

Why do people who chew gum make so much noise?

Why do people ride their bikes on the pavement?

Why do people who have never been to a football match in their lives always congratulate me when Charlton lose, but say jack shit when they win?

Why do blokes (mainly) drink lager?

Why is a BJ the most perfect end to an evening?

My tune of the day: Touch me in the morning - Marlena Shaw

Reality ... my arse !!!

Now does anyone actually watch reality TV shows any more. Yeah we all get carried along on the Big Brother bandwagon, the I'm a celebrity boob watch, but do you actually tune in, turn on and drop out???

Well I was flicking last night and came across that Back to Reality show on Channel Five. They were in the middle of booting out Catalina Guirado. Now I haven't the foggiest who she is, but she is billed as Glamour Girl. Yeah right, and I'm the King of bleedin Sweden ...

I just don't get it really, but saying that I do watch the Salon. I have a hair fetish, so what's a man too do.

The wonder that is Welling United won 6-1 last night against Dorchester minus Charlton old boy Matty Holmes. Now I had contemplated attending, but after the previous few games I had seen plus the fact that it had been pishing down all day, and was minus 10 degrees ... well made me stay in doors. I nearly choked on my Horlicks when the score appeared on Skys videprinter. Well they are up to 6th place so you never know ... well you do really.

I watched the Arse in Spain last night. They won, but did look a bit dodgey at the back. But I don't think they will be quaking in their boots when they realise that Charlton are rolling into town on Saturday. However Paulo is due one ... !!!!

I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but hey if you do let me know. My contact stuff is over there on the right hand side ... no, over there ... THERE.

My tune of the day: Sugar - Roy Ayres

Sexual Interest

Claire says: Do you have change for a £5 by any chance?

Ric says: Nope, but I do have a £1.

Claire says: May I borrow £1?

Ric says: £1 is available for you to borrow, at 50 percent interest each minute.

Claire says: YIKES!!!

Claire says: So how about we skip the interest and I provide sexual favours?

Ric says: The Bank of Riscardo is kind of a bitch.

Claire says: Yeah, no kidding.

Ric says: Let's see. . . £1, at 50 percent interest each minute . . . translating to sexual barter exhange . . . carry the one . . . round up to the nearest BJ. At the end of the day, you'd owe me two intercourses, three BJs and a hand job.

Claire says: I'm a cheap lay then.

Ric says: You have no idea.

Tune of the day: Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye

Smokey or streaky ... ???

So I hope you all had a great weekend. Nice and relaxing, you accomplished everything you needed to ... blah, blah, bleedin etc. Well mine was so, so ... but was saved from being down right suicidal by the enigma, the Danish salami ... the one ... Claus Jensen. Well you might know that Claus plays for Charlton and Denmark and on saturday was a substitute for the reds. Leading 2-0 with little over 15 minutes to play everything was looking rosey in the garden. Then our Bulgarian midfielder Kishishev went loopy and played in Andrew Cole for Blackburns get out of jail card. Then in the last minute, yes the last minute ... Blackburns goalkeeper Brad Friedl came galloping up for a corner. We can all see the script can't we. Yes the ball goes sailing over everyone's head ... it's collected by a Blackburn player crossed again and our man Brad sticks out his leg and the ball flies in. Now I ain't one to go on about it, but why the lino didn't have his flag in the air with Andrew Cole 3 yards off in front of Kiely ... well only the fairies know. Now at this point I was spitting feathers, the bloke over the isle from my slung his hat high up in the air, there were enough heads in hands to start a heads in hands shop. The Blackburn muppets thought they had done it ... they were all dancing around, congratulating each other, then up steps our Claus. Well good on ya son ... a drop of the shoulder and a dipping right foot volley. Whooooosh ... stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

It's a funny old game ... no it bleedin' well ain't.

There was crowd trouble at the Cray Wanderers/ AFC Sudbury match on Sat. It was the quarters of the FA Vase and 700 odd peeps turned up at Bromley to see it. You don't have to be a mind reader to work what would happen out ... but hey it's only non league and full of groundhoppers ...!!!!!

It's pay day on friday ... so,

My tune of the day: Finally - CeCe Penniston

Saturday, it's a saturday ...

Well actually it's Friday, but you get the picture. Bloody nightmare last night, the washing machine has sprung a leak and can I get to the taps at the back ... er, NO!!! It's gonna have to be a big job tonight, that's if the place don't flood before then.

Well it's another weekend, so another few days of missed opportunities. I should be painting, clearing out the conservatory ... spring cleaning, but I just get the idea that it aint gonna happen. Maybe I'm being defeatist ... but in reality I'm a realist.

I wore my pink shoes to work today. The look on the tube was amazing. Some people should take a look at themselves before passing judgment in their cutting looks, gazes. They should maybe get clothes that fit, that have something about them ... and maybe even get their one suit dry cleaned every now and again.

I'm actually gonna try the gym at lunch time today. A spin class!!! Now to me that's funny, but I say that before I get there, I may be shaking my head later.

Now here's a question for thee ... why do people drink lager? It tastes of pish, makes you put on weight and gives you a bear gut. But then again it might mean Batnie gets a shag!!! There you go, I've answered my own question.

My tune of the day: Thank you - BeBe Winan

London Bridge is falling down ...

Now, I think of myself as the most open minded person I know, but there are some right muppets out there. Trawling through some interesting blog sites ... diamond geezer for example, I came across this. North West devolution. North West Devolution. They have designed a flag, an actual play on the Cross of St. George, and advocate that businesses promote this. Of course it is backed by one Tony Wilson. Yes that Tony Wilson, who ran that crap nightclub the Hacienda ... come on it was crap, you know it ... I know it ... we all know it. Now I remember Warehouse Parties in London in the mid to late 80's and early 90's and they rocked. We don't keep banging on about them though, we actually move on.

I have been arguing the case for London for more years than I care to remember. I am proud to say that I was born in London, live in London and will stay in London. I also support a team from London, a real team. In fact before Red Ken got in as Mayor I believe that we need to build a wall around the M25 and keep the fuckers out. How many nights have I been out and met people who then tell me how great Ireland is, Liverpool is, Cornwall is. Well fuck my old boots, how great can these places be if you are living and working in London. Oh that's where you can make the money they say, I only want to spend a few years in London then settle down back home. Back home ... what is this the 1970's World Cup ... fuck off.

Kevin Everest the Charlton supporting gay thespian has indicated that I am copying his daily rants from the CIFC email list. He says that he has been doing this sort of thing for 3-4 years. I say to you Mr Everest ... the fifth best ride in Malmo my arse. Stick your moon rocks where the sun don't shine and as for that stripy jumper ... you make Bernie Rozzle look like Alexander McQueen.

My tune of the day: Home is where the hatred is - Gil Scott Heron

Happy Anniversary

Well it past me by yesterday. The congestion charge was one year old, and indeed one year wiser. I would say that as I don't drive into Central London on a daily basis it doesn't really affect me. However after reading the papers last night, and watching the London news there are lots of people who it does affect. For example all those poor sods who used to drive into London to do their shopping. Hmmmm. I for one don't know of a single person who drives to Oxford Street to do their shopping. Well not on a week day anyway. It's only a fiver tho' ... so what's the big deal.

It was the Brits last night. Great eh. Timberlake, Busted ... Dildo. Blimey, just think if I was a teenager now ... Rock n'Roll they say. Bollox.

I watched the second part of Sea of Souls last night. I caught the first part on Monday night by accident and it was quite riveting setting up it's conclusion. So I settled down under the quilt and soon realised that the writer had a good idea but in all honesty wasn't a great writer. It was crap. It ended without any explanation, tying up loose ends etc. A complete waste of an hour.

I booked my Sunday night accommodation up in Southport for the weekender this morning. A great deal, which means the fun doesn't finish when the majority go home.

My tune of the day: It's getting late - Floetry

Do fries go with that shake

I had a P-Funk night yesterday, a Parliament Concert on DVD from the mid 70's. Now let me tell you that you know squat diddly if you don't know Parliament. George Clinton was the man, alongside Bootsys Rubber Band and Roger Troutman.

The invisible man returns tonight. Yes Gary Rowett ... who he?? ... is back in the ressies. He last appeared in red back in Sept, but I won't be holding my breathe.

The boss came back from his Valentine trip to New York today. Luckily he was able to find a pair of Red Wings in my size. It's so good when the pound is so strong, cause you can get some good stuff. That's another pair of boots to add to the collection!!! I will have to stop buying clothes, otherwise I'm gonna open up my own Frith Store. Now there's an idea.

I just read in the Metro that N*E*R*D are appearing at Hammersmith tonight. I hadn't seen that advertised. Oh well missed another one ... you have to laugh though, I think the last live gig I saw was Pieces of a Dream in 85. No that can't be right, but I can't be bothered to rack my brains.

My tune of the day: Ordinary Joe - Terry Callier

After the lord mayors show

Well there goes another weekend. There's only so much vodka tonic one man can drink, but I tried my best. Saturday night did turn into a few too many, but hey it was all done in the best possible taste.

I received a Valentines Card. Whoopy doo I hear you all cry. It was posted through my door, so that cuts down the possibilities. I know who sent it, but I am still struggling with the cryptic sign off. I could just ask but that would be against the nature of the whole experience.

I watched the Arse/ Chels match on Sunday. I would say it was nice to watch a game from the safety of the duvet and not really give a damn. I did laugh though when Spotty ballooned the ball over the bar in the 90th minute and the Arse sang "What a waste of money." You never know, they might be right.

I'm still coming to terms with my new 3G mobile. It's not the best, but it's cheap. The vid conferencing facility is weird, it's like watching one of those 70's kung fu flicks when the mouth and words are out of synch. But hey, did I say it was cheap!!!

My tune of the day: Impossible beauty - Nathan Haines

It's all in a name ...

It's Valentines day tomorrow, and I'm sure my postman won't need an extra pair of hands. Not that I'm bitter and twisted, it's just that I'm fussy. Damn fussy.

I've just been watching Trisha ... my god, these people have the vote.

On a separate point, I'm reading the paper and some 31 year old American had been "grooming" a 12 year old girl for over a year. He then jetted to the UK and took her to France and Germany. Well I say what the hell were her parents doing???? Strange.

Robbie Williams is 30 today, and they are calling him middle aged. Bloody hell I'd better get out my pipe and slippers.

There's no football tomorrow, we got knocked out of the cup. Remember Gillingham!!!! Well Spotty never played in that game so he can play for the Chelsea at Arse. That's all good then. Well I say come on Patrick, give the muppet a kick.

My tune of the day: Mind Power - James Brown

You put your left leg in ... left leg out

But if you think I'm gonna shake it all about, well you are much mistaken!!!!

It was one of those evenings. The football turned into a nightmare, I suddenly started receiving text messages off of Spud fans I hadn't heard from in years. Then I had to write out a cheque for 50 quid for a parking ticket that I shouldn't have got. Thanks to a Lewisham Council Parking Attendant for falsifying a ticket and putting it onto my car even though it was in a completely different location on the day/ time in question. It's total bollocks, because it's my word against them. Unbelievable!!!

Anyway ... the football. A total non event, apart from the fact that Defoe scored another goal against us. Unbelievable!!!

I saw Matt Owens new coat last night. Well I also saw Matt Owen, but he was wearing his coat. As long as he's happy with it, I'm happy with it ... but I'm not sure what Batnie Prosley would say???

I really need to tidy up my flat. The place is a tip. But then again it's homely, cosey ... NO, who am I kidding.

My tune of the day: Champions league ... your having a laugh!!! - The Spuds supporters

Atkins, shmatkins ...

So now they are saying that the good Doctor was obese when he passed away. Blimey, they should have seen some of the peeps on my train this morning. I think you should pay by weight on public transport.

Well it's footie again tonight, a home match against Tottingham (to Quote Ossie). It doesn't bode well I tell thee. But then again what do I know.

I've got those Wed afternoon feelings. You know a tad bored, looking forward to the weekend but not too much. I don't wanna wish my life away.

Oh, I had a caller at 2:30 this morning. A young lady called to say sorry. All very sureal I tell ya, but hey it's the life I live!!!!

My tune of the day: That's how much I love you - Ambosia

Lord Mayor of London

Right, so Red Ken has come out and said that he's gonna arrest people who jump the queues at bus stops and spit in the street. Has he been leaked my manifesto, has he ... has he. LOL. Oh I have been told to stop using that as it's a bit trailer park - ish.

Now come on, how many people have waited for a bus, waited for a bus ... then waited for a bus, only to be pushed out the way by an unruly mob when it does arrive. And then be squashed on by the doors or even refused admission because it is packed. How many people have had other people spit to the ground as you walk by, or side by side wit them. It's not big and it's not clever.

Well, this lunchtime I was waiting for the 25 bus at Aldgate. I was hoping to make a quick trip up to Chancery Lane to get myself a badge maker (but that's another story). As I stood waiting, then waiting some more I watched as a group of three Turkish guys smoked and spat on the floor. Not that I'm counting, but in the space of 20 minutes, yes I waited 20 minutes for the freeking bus, they must have spat about 75 times. I kid you not. After the 36th time it was getting a bit near the mark. In fact it was a horrible site, and why they can't carry a hankerchief around with them, maybe storing it up one sleeve, I will never know.

When the bus did come there was a scrum ... it was quite comical really. But hey.

I was in the gym at 7:30 this morning. It is quite invigorating working it that early. I did some cycling and used the stepmaster. Now this was the first time I have stepped in my life ... I'm not too sure what it achieves but it must!!!!

My tune of the day: 2000 Black - Fela Kuti

A long and winding road ...

Well thank the lord I didn't go to Stamford Hill, er I mean Bridge on Sunday. I would have to say it looked as lackluster as anything I have seen from the Yellows in a long time. I would say that at no point does an away team come to the Valley and not have a shot. Even Wolves who I thought were hopeless had a few chances. But it's okay for Charlton to go and run round aimlessly without doing the basics. Oh well ... there goes another season.

I had a nice day down at my Mums on Saturday. Lazed around, cleaned a few windows, had a nice bit of Salmon for my lunch. All the things you should do with your Mum. Even sat there and watched men watching football on sky. My Mum read the last couple of chapters of Brick Lane, then exclaimed that it was the most boring book she had read in years. Hmmm ... what do I know.

Well I thought I'd send a shout out to Kerry and Maz up in Carlisle.

We had a drunken chat on Friday night, well they were drunk and I chatted. They were having a house warming, but they were the only two there ... very strange.

I got back in time to go down the North Pole on Saturday. It was all full of blokes. Very strange indeed, so we headed off to Oliver's Wine Bar in Greenwich. Now that was a good night, wasn't it Glen!!!!

I am contemplating going to the gym tonight, but then again I may go tomorrow ... lol.

My tune of the day: Music 2 Fly 2 - Ty

Donald where's ya trousers

I got up at a civil time this morning, chilled on the sofa, watched a bit of the Salon, had a coffee and rolled with the 8:42 from Hither Green. Now it must all be about timing ... because there was a complete lack of yawning on that train. So I would like to report that no one showed me their breakfast today .. hip hip hooray.

I still can't get my head around that Celebrity programme on ITV. It seems very weird, and all the papers are full of it ... there must be something happening in the world, there must be.

So Charlton have got Chelsea this Sunday. Live on Sky ... that's saved me £31. I had considered it, for about a nano second ... before I was slapped down with a piece of wet fish. Why would I pay Chels that sort of money to be patronised by loads of mupps from Reading .. ??? Why, yes why???

It would appear that they arent gonna parade Parker on the pitch. Seems like a bit of common sense has prevailed although if I was Kenneth Bates I would be parading him around the pitch on horseback ... oh well.

Another weekend, so no painting for me. I will have to get it sorted, but it can wait. I'm taking a trip down to the South Coast on Sat to see my Mum. It has to be done, as she's off to Cyprus for 3 weeks in a couple of days.

My tune of the day: Right by your side - Nathan Haines

Wiggle it ... just a lil' bit

Up at 6 this morning to get down the gym. I had it in my mind that I would do the body pump class at 7:30. Having stuck my head round the door, I saw a room full of lycra clad weightwatchers just about to pump there bodies. The thought of bringing up the rear didn't fill me ... so I did a 20 minute run and some chest exercises. That's more like it ...

There were 3 open mouthed yawns this morning on the 654 from Hither Green. I seem to be looking for people to do it now, I think I've become very judgmental ... not at all like me!!!

Well I'm seeing a mortgage consultant tonight. My 2 year discount with Abbey is up at the end of the month, so I have to get in there quick. Lets see if I can save myself a couple of quid.

I have to admit I sat down to watch the Spurs v missives match last night and turned it off at half time. I was ironing when Spurs went 3-0 up, so I slung on Jackass the Movie and missed the comeback. Jackass, I would say what's that all about ... Although I did laugh when the guy went in the hardware store and shit in the free standing toilet.

I've started to get myself a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks most mornings. £2.40 for a coffee, you have to laugh really. I'll have to rebrand myself Kevin Everest.

My tune of the day: All about the papers - The Dells

Shut your mouth ...

They were at it again this morning. Twice on the 0842 from Hither Green business suited women yawned great big horrible mouth open so wide I could see you had porridge for breakfast, yawns. Why do they do it? Do they not have manners, breathing their stinky breath all over me. Hmmmm ... it's the state of the world we live in.

I got my new phone this morning. One of those 3G Motorola jobbies. It's a bit big, but bleedin hell it does everything. Video, camera, mp3, email ... a quality business tool. I could even use it to crack a few heads if the necessity occurred. And all for £17.50 a month ... with 750 minutes free. Phew.

It's been quiet in the office today, apart from the sound of the Southport weekender CD blaring out. The Giles Peterson mix is spot on ... I had forgotten how much I actually like jazz. Rock on.

Well I've got an ironing session ahead of me tonight. I have done about 4 loads of washing and no ironing. So I'll put Jackass the movie on and get stuck in. You do realise that this is quality time :)

Tune of the day: Welcome to the Party - The Harlem Youth Percussion Group

The land that time forgot ...

How busy have I been. Blimey, I haven't had time to relax, so hence no update since Friday. Apologies to all the readers, lol ... yeah right.

Anyway, a defeat to Bolton, no significant signing on deadline day ... things are looking up for the boys from SEA. I sat there in the Upper North on Saturday thinking "What the f*%k!!" It nearly ruined my whole weekend ... I say nearly, but not quite.

It was pay day over the weekend, so Friday, Saturday and all day Sunday saw lots of drinks consumed. Only V&T's though, it's Atkins friendly ... That's what I say anyway. Spent most of Sunday in a bar on the South Hackney/ Vicky Park boarders. It was good to meet up with people, it was funny watching both the Chelsea and Arsenal games as the collective was made up of Chelsea, Arse, Charlton, West Ham, Leeds, Hearts, Bognor Regis Town. I'm sure there were some weird shots being past around, and a curry was consumed at 1:30 on Monday morning ... well I can still hang I tell thee.

Now about that "Celebrity" programme. I'm not sure what it's all about, and in reality have no wish to know ... but I caught it last night, and I must say what utter shite. I have to agree with Johnny ... Jordan can do one. She seems to have won some sort of sympathy vote. She is being hailed as some sort of woman's libber for making her men wait a month before sleeping with them. Yeah but how long does she wait to shag 'em.

My tune of the day: I want you - Curtis Hairston